


The Benefits of Loving You

by Aquata



Category: Rush Hour (TV 2016)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2018-11-03 18:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10972701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquata/pseuds/Aquata
Summary: In which Carter suggests that he and Lee become friends with benefits and Lee just can't bring himself to say no. He's in love with him after all. But as time draws on and they become closer than ever, Lee starts to wonder whether there is something else happening between them too or whether it is just his own heart playing tricks on him.Lots of sex but also lots of feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one's going to be quite long so there's going to be plenty of chapters. I've got a lot of it planned out though so there should be regular updates.
> 
> Hopefully you'll like it but let me know what you think.

"I can't believe she said I was too short for her!" Carter exclaims for what must be at least the tenth time that night, waving his beer bottle carelessly. "I mean, who says that?"

He looks to Lee, clearly expecting an agreement and Lee sighs. "Clearly she is a terrible person," he says placatingly for what also feels like the tenth time. Carter just doesn't seem to be able to let the topic go.

"I know right!" Carter says with another wild swing of his beer bottle that has Lee fearing for the safety of the carpet. "Ain't nothin' wrong with being short." He pulls a petulant face and takes another swig of beer. Lee copies him, head buzzing with alcohol; he's lost count of how many drinks they've had. He doesn't usually indulge this much but Carter is clearly a bad influence on him and he hasn't been able to say no to any of the drinks Carter has pressed into his hand.

"Man, she was really hot though," Carter laments and Lee wishes they didn't have to keep discussing this, wishes they didn't have to keep talking about Carter's interest in other people when all he wants is for Carter to show an interest in him.

He's used to that though. Carter has always been vocal about his attraction to every pretty face he sees but ever since Lee had figured out his feelings for him, figured out that the foolish attraction he had harbored since early on in their partnership had turned into something else, those remarks had started to make something ache uncomfortably in his chest.

"I am sure you will find someone else," he says and tries to sound like he wants that for him. He had decided, back when he first realized what the flutter of his heart when Carter walked into a room meant, that he wouldn't let the fact that he was in love with him ruin their friendship.

Carter lets out a frustrated groan at his end of the couch, slumping down against the cushions and swallowing another mouthful of beer.

"Man, it's been too long since I had sex," he complains and Lee shifts with embarrassment at the turn in conversation, even while a part of him heats up at the thought of Carter and sex.

"I just wanna get off, y'know?" Carter carries on and Lee does know. He's been working alongside Carter for a long time now and sometimes it is difficult to hold himself back from what he wants. Because while it is hard to keep himself from confessing his feelings to him, there is also the physical side of his attraction to him and sometimes he wants Carter so badly that he doesn't know what to do with himself.

"I bet you don't have this problem," Carter says plaintively, completely unaware of Lee's thoughts. He gestures vaguely toward Lee. "You're hot as hell. They're probably queuing up."

Lee frowns, unsure what to say to that, and slightly uncomfortable with becoming a subject of this conversation. He takes a drink of beer so that he doesn't have to answer, frowning when he finds the bottle empty already, and leans forward to set it down on the coffee table that is already crowded with empty bottles.

"Bet no one ever said you were too short for them either," Carter says with a faint scowl and Lee rolls his eyes at Carter's inability to let it go.

"It is only one person who has ever said it to you," he points out but Carter doesn't seem to be listening to him. He is looking at Lee though, watching him with an assessing expression that makes Lee want to back away. He has a glint in his eyes that sets off a nervous feeling in him. He knows that glint. It's the one Carter gets before he suggests something reckless or something that he's not sure Lee will approve of.

"You know what?" Carter says after a moment and Lee isn't sure he wants to know.

"What?" he asks anyway because there's something about Carter that makes it hard to deny him things.

"We should be friends with benefits!" Carter exclaims. He looks proud of himself like he's just thought of something monumental but Lee is just confused.

"I do not understand," he says in bemusement. "Aren't we already friends? What other benefits could there be?"

Carter blinks at him for a second but then he bursts into laughter and Lee is left more confused than ever, wondering absently how much Carter has had to drink.

" _Lee_ ," Carter wheezes, still caught up in laughter, and Lee feels warm at the sight of it even though he doesn't understand what is so funny.

"Oh my god, Lee you're amazing," Carter says when he is able to pull himself together again and Lee's heart skips at the compliment although he knows that Carter always gets more affectionate after a few drinks. "Okay, okay, friends with benefits is where friends have sex with each other."

Lee's eyes go wide and Carter hurries to carry on.

"Not, like, a relationship," he clarifies. "No romantic feelings. No strings attached. Just sex."

Lee can only stare at him, trying to process what Carter is saying to him.

"And you want that, for us?" he asks uncertainly, and Carter nods, looking encouraged by the fact that Lee hasn't outright rebuffed him.

"Yeah, man. I mean, it's just sex," he shrugs casually. "Ain't like I haven't seen you looking."

"What?" Lee demands, mortified that Carter has seen him. He had thought he was being more subtle than that.

"Hey, it's no big deal," Carter says quickly. He grins and gestures at himself. "I'm a fine piece of ass. You'd be an idiot not to want this."

Lee gapes at him, not sure how they ended up here, discussing this. It feels like some kind of surreal dream but in his dreams Carter had always been telling him he loved him too not offering casual sex.

"And... And you are attracted to me too?" he manages to stammer out.

"Hell yeah," Carter tells him without missing a beat, giving him an appreciative look. "I already said it but you're hot as hell."

That has Lee flushing with embarrassment and something else, something hotter that comes from that hidden part of him that has wanted Carter for so long now.

"And think about it. No more trying to hook up with complete strangers in bars when you want to have sex and wasting half the night trying to find someone who's up for it too," Carter carries on. "Because who has the time with our jobs? We work long hours. We get called in when we're s'posed to be off duty. Seriously this would solve everything. I mean, it's just sex and we're both attracted to each other anyway so why not?"

Lee doesn't have the answer to that, doesn't know what he is supposed to say or how he even feels about the whole situation. It's so sudden and unexpected. He had never realized Carter was attracted to him too, never thought of it as a possibility, but the knowledge sends heat curling through him that does nothing to help his already conflicted emotions.

"I..." he starts although he has no idea what he is trying to say. "I..." He frowns, trying to summon some words at least but he can't figure out a response to any of this.

"Hey, it's okay," Carter says, taking pity on him. "You don't have to answer me now if you don't want to. Offer's there, alright?"

Lee tries to tell himself not to even consider the offer. He knows it's a terrible idea to sleep with Carter. He's in love with him and he knows he'll only hurt himself in the long run, knows Carter has no idea that this wouldn't be casual for both of them. He knows it would be the stupidest thing he's ever done.

And yet...

He wants him. He wants him so badly and here Carter is offering himself up with casual ease, and while it's not the relationship Lee wishes for it is still so incredibly tempting.

He shouldn't do it.

He wants to do it.

He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, trying to think clearly. If nothing else, they are both drunk and probably shouldn't be making decisions right now, but the alcohol in his system has him feeling fuzzy and warm and it makes it harder to maintain the control he usually works so hard to keep.

Beside him Carter takes another swig of his beer, looking remarkably relaxed in comparison to the turmoil Lee has found himself in. He seems to decide that Lee isn't about to come up with any answer and starts to move on. "Hey, so the other day-" he starts.

"Yes," Lee cuts him off, the word out of his mouth before he can stop it, and Carter looks at him in surprise, clearly not having expected to be interrupted.

"Yes, as in...?"

Lee flushes in embarrassment but plows on anyway.

"We should... Yes, we should do this," he manages to get out awkwardly, already wondering what he is doing.

A slow smile spreads its way across Carter's face and Lee finds himself smiling tentatively in response, unable to keep himself distant from the effect that smile has on him.

"No strings attached," Carter reminds him and Lee nods quickly.

"No strings attached," he agrees even though his heart clenches at the words.

"No feelings," Carter adds and then laughs. "Look who I'm talking to. You're like the master of no feelings."

Lee tries to smile along at that, not sure whether he wants to laugh or cry at how wrong Carter is. He knows that this will never just be sex for him, just as he knows that there will never be feelings involved for Carter but he still can't stop himself.

Carter sets his beer bottle on the table and then shifts closer, eyeing him cautiously even as something heated creeps into his expression.

"You sure about this?" he asks when he is close enough that Lee could lean in and kiss him if he wanted.

Lee starts to reply but has to swallow and start again, distracted by Carter's proximity and the thought of what they are about to do. "I am sure," he tells him, his eyes drifting down to Carter's lips.

"Good," Carter grins. "And hey, if you wanna stop at any time just-"

Lee cuts him off by pressing their mouths together, kissing him sloppily and with an eagerness that is almost shameful. But Carter just laughs at his enthusiasm, kisses him back willingly and then says "man, I never knew you had it in you," when they part for air.

Then they are kissing again and Lee feels overwhelmed by it all. He presses as close as he can get, his hands grasping at Carter, sliding up under his t shirt and feeling warm skin. They are both eager and needy, clutching frantically at each other as they kiss heatedly, and Lee knows that whatever they do it won't last long. They are both too drunk and turned on for that.

Carter's mouth is hot on his and his hands are everywhere as they push Lee's clothes aside to get at the overheated skin beneath. One of Carter's hands palms at his crotch and Lee moans at the touch, kissing him harder and reaching for Carter's belt.

He has just managed to get it open when Carter tears his mouth away from the kiss and presses a hand to Lee's chest, pushing him back slightly. For a moment Lee fears that he has changed his mind but there is nothing other than desire in Carter's eyes.

"I'm clean," Carter says abruptly, panting for breath, his chest heaving and his eyes dark with desire as he looks at him. "Got tested not long ago and I haven't slept with anyone since. You?"

His lips are glistening from where they've been kissing and it takes all of Lee's willpower not to just lean in and press their mouths together again.

"I am clean too," he manages to get out, feeling flushed with desire and aching to press back against Carter.

"Good," Carter says, the word tumbling out in a rush. His eyes drop to Lee's mouth and then he is hauling him forward to kiss him again, lips demanding against his as they sink into each other again.

Lee knows they will have to discuss it properly at some point if they are going to continue doing this, but he can't bring himself to think of the future when Carter is pressed against him and kissing him like his life depends on it. They quickly fall back into the heat and want that had consumed them before Carter's brief foray into responsibility and soon they are grasping at each other again with urgent hands.

Lee kisses him harder and moves forward to push Carter down on the couch, pressing him into the cushions with his own body as he searches for more. His reaches down to grip the waistband of Carter's pants, pulling at the fabric, and Carter lifts his hips so that he can get them down around his thighs. He shoves his underwear down too, curling his hand around Carter's cock and flushing with heat when Carter moans against him.

"Fuck, Lee," he groans, throwing his head back on the couch and dragging his fingers down Lee's sides. His hands find Lee's belt, yanking at it hurriedly and then he is pushing his pants down so that they can grind against each other, cocks sliding together as they move. They both moan and from then on everything is a wonderful, ecstatic tangle of limbs as they rut against each other, too far gone for anything other than hot and fast.

Lee gasps and moans with every heated touch, lost in pleasure and beyond caring what he sounds like. It's not like Carter is being any quieter anyway. He keeps moaning loudly in Lee's ear and the sound of it just turns him on even more, knowing that he is doing this to him.

It doesn't last long, as he had known it wouldn't, but it still feels like far too soon when Carter arches beneath him and comes with a low groan, his eyes closed as his hips keep rocking through it. The sight of him like that sends Lee over the edge too and he cries out as his orgasm rushes through him, his whole body tensing as he comes.

He collapses onto Carter, feeling dizzy from both the orgasm and the alcohol still running through his system, and they lay like that, gasping together, for a few minutes until Lee realizes that Carter can't be comfortable under his weight. He lifts himself up, grimacing when he realizes that his stomach is sticky with come where his shirt is rucked up to expose his skin. He supposes he should be glad that there doesn't seem to be any on the shirt itself.

"Damn, I think we both needed that," Carter says with a breathless laugh, still sprawled on his back, his smile loose and casual as if he hadn't just turned Lee's world on its head. He sits up slowly, tucking himself back into his pants and pulling a face at the similar mess on his own stomach.

"Hang on a sec," he says, stumbling to his feet and disappearing out of the room. A moment later he is back with a cloth, wiping his own stomach clean before letting his t shirt fall back into place. He holds the cloth out to Lee and Lee takes it, cleaning himself up quickly and then passing it back, trying to come to terms with what they have just done as he pulls his clothes back into place.

"You want another beer?" Carter asks and it could have been any other night if it weren't for the fact that Lee can still feel the phantom imprints of Carter's hands on his skin. He doesn't understand how Carter can be so unaffected by all this when he is still reeling from it all himself.

"I don't think I should," he says with a frown, trying unsuccessfully to remember how many drinks he has already had.

"Alright." Carter shrugs carelessly, already on his way to get himself another bottle, a slight wobble in his step. Lee watches him go, raises a tentative hand to his mouth to touch his lips, lips which had just been kissing Carter with a frantic fervor that he had never realized he was capable of.

He drops his hand back to his lap and tries to figure out what he is supposed to do next. It doesn't help that his whole body is still humming with the warm afterglow of his release and he's having trouble thinking properly.

"Hey, so we probably shouldn't tell anyone about this," Carter says as he comes back to the couch, brushing against Lee's knees as he moves past him and Lee wants to reach out and touch him again.

"Of course," he agrees, curling his hands into the fabric of his pants to stop himself from giving in to that urge and watching as Carter sits down beside him. "It is not any of their business."

"Yeah, exactly. And there's no conflict of interest at work so it's not like we have to tell anyone there," Carter says cautiously, looking like he might be wondering if Lee is going to contradict him. Lee thinks about it for a moment but he can't think of any reason that they should have to declare what they are doing when there is no romantic relationship involved.

"Agreed," he says and Carter quirks a smile at him as he settles back into the cushions, looking relaxed and content. He tips his beer bottle up to his mouth and takes a slow sip before resting it on his knee and glancing across at him.

"Hey, have you heard Gerald's latest plan to make money?" he asks and Lee is amazed that he can switch back to normal conversation so quickly and easily after what they have just done. He has an amused smile on his lips that tells Lee that, whatever the plan is, it is probably something stupid.

"No," he says cautiously and Carter grins widely.

"You're gonna love it. It's the dumbest thing yet," he says and just like that everything feels normal between them, just as it had been before Carter had suggested they have sex. Lee lets himself sink into it, relieved that none of this seems to have changed anything. Carter is bright and laughing as he describes Gerald's newest money spinning idea and it helps to ease Lee's worries, helps to convince him that maybe they can do this and not have it alter their friendship.

There is still a niggling voice at the back of his mind that says this is a terrible idea, that he will just get his heart broken, but he pushes it aside, lets himself drink in the sound of Carter's voice and the sight of his smile, because just for tonight he wants to enjoy this without over thinking it and when Carter is smiling like that it's hard to believe that anything could ruin this.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're quiet today," Carter says as they drive through the streets of Los Angeles the next morning, the sun bright in the sky above them. "I mean, I know you always have this strong and silent thing going on but you're even quieter than usual."

"I am just thinking," Lee tells him, tearing his eyes away from the passing trees that he had been staring absentmindedly at, his elbow resting on the edge of the car door.

He knows he's been distant today but he can't stop thinking about last night, can't stop thinking about the feel of Carter's mouth against his, the heat of his skin and the press of his body. He knows it was reckless to agree to this arrangement between them and to go into it with the kind of feelings he harbors for Carter; they had agreed not to let feelings get involved after all and he knows he risks falling even deeper than he already has.

And yet he can't stop himself, can't convince himself to tell Carter that it had been a onetime thing. Instead he knows full well that when Carter next suggests it, he will throw himself into it wholeheartedly and he can't even make himself regret that knowledge, can't make himself regret what has already happened between them.

And so he simply promises himself that he won't let this change anything between them, won't let it affect the friendship that means so much more to him than almost anything else. He has been hiding his feelings away for a while now and nobody has ever caught on so he doesn't see any reason for that to change and as for the sex, well that shouldn't affect anything either if they don't let it and he certainly doesn't intend to let it.

Logically, he thinks, Carter was right when he had said 'it's just sex and we're both attracted to each other anyway so why not?' He tells himself that sex is just an activity like anything else and there is no need for it to involve any feelings between them. He has to ignore the dull ache that thought brings about in his heart and the quiet voice that says it might not be that simple, but he's determined to keep this strictly casual between them, to keep his heart out of it and stop his own feelings from getting in the way.

"Just thinking, huh? This about last night?" Carter asks next to him as they stop at a red light, pulling Lee out of the thoughts that he has slipped into again without noticing. There is a hint of concern in his voice and Lee glances across to see a look of apprehension on his partner's face. "Are we okay?"

He looks worried, clearly wondering if Lee is somehow upset by what they did and Lee doesn't like seeing that expression on his face because of him.

"We are okay," he assures him quickly because he is determined to make sure that that's the truth, that it stays the truth no matter what he does to his own heart in the process.

"You sure?" Carter checks and Lee rolls his eyes.

"Yes. You worry too much," he tells him firmly and Carter's mouth pulls up into a smile.

"Well in that case, I had a really good time last night. Wanna come over again tonight?" He looks hopeful and there is just a touch of heat in it that Lee can't resist.

"Okay," he agrees, easier than breathing, and Carter beams at him.

"Great!" he grins, still looking at Lee as the light changes and the car behind them starts honking when they don't move. "Alright, I'm going!" Carter shouts over his shoulder, his eyes flicking away from Lee as he pulls away with a screech of tires that makes Lee question his partner's driving skills for what, unfortunately, is unlikely to be the last time that day.

~~~

After that the day passes quickly. They follow leads, chase bad guys and Carter gloats when they manage to close their current case before Donovan can solve his. It is just like any other day and Lee can't help the rush of relief he feels at this evidence that nothing has changed in his partnership with Carter.

Neither of them mentions the new arrangement between them again as they go about their day, or the plans they have for that night, and Lee almost manages to let it slip his thoughts completely, caught up in the rush of a chase through the back alleys of the city and then the ensuing arrest when they catch up to their suspect, but when they arrive back at Carter's apartment after work he can think of little else.

Still, he expects it to take some time for one of them to build up to instigating sex that evening, expects there to be hesitation and maybe a hint of awkwardness now that they are both sober, but in the end Carter simply says "hey, wanna...?" and sends him a suggestive look, and that's all it takes for them to end up with their hands on each other, kissing deeply with no sense of hesitation.

They haven't even been in Carter's apartment for more than a few minutes but Lee doesn't care. He presses closer and tips his head slightly to change the angle of the kiss, taking the opportunity to map Carter's mouth with his tongue.

But then Carter is pulling away from the kiss and looking up at him. "I'm thinking we should take this to the bedroom," he says, a slight hint of breathlessness in his voice as he takes a step backwards, and Lee nods quickly, follows him as he leads the way.

He has only been in Carter's bedroom a few times, on the rare occasion that Carter has been so drunk that Lee has had to escort him home and even had to guide him to his own bed. It had been messier those times, he thinks, looking around as they enter, and he suspects that Carter might have tidied up in case they ended up doing this.

"Hey, so we should probably talk about protection," Carter says, pulling him to a stop just inside the doorway and, as Lee watches, he shifts slightly with embarrassment that hadn't been present the night before. "I know we didn't use any last night but I totally get if you want to start. I mean, I'm not going to be sleeping with anyone else if we're doing this." He shrugs. "I'm just sick of one night stands with total strangers, y'know? But if you want to be having sex with other people then we should be using condoms."

"I do not intend to have sex with anyone else either," Lee tells him honestly and it sounds strangely like a commitment for such a casual arrangement but the only person he wants is stood right in front of him, although he can't tell him that.

"Okay," Carter nods. "So we don't have to then. I mean, full disclosure, I've never done friends with benefits before and I figure most people probably still use protection anyway but you're my best friend, y'know? And I trust you. But we should both promise to tell the other if we do have sex with someone else, alright? And obviously if one of us meets someone we want to date then we'll stop doing this."

He looks at Lee expectantly and Lee nods in agreement. "Yes," he says, although he doesn't think that either of those things will be a problem on his end.

"Great!" Carter says with a pleased smile that quickly turns suggestive as he looks Lee up and down. "Well now that that's out of the way..." He gives Lee a heated look and Lee's pulse speeds up in response, his eyes dropping to Carter's lips. He can still taste his tongue in his mouth from where they have just been kissing and Carter is obviously thinking along the same lines because he licks his lips in a way that has Lee wanting desperately to kiss him again.

They both move at the same time, surging forward to meet in a rush of frantic kisses and searching hands, clutching at each other and pulling at clothing. Carter tugs clumsily at Lee's tie, pulling it out of its knot, and then starts on the buttons of his shirt with eager hands. It is only moments before he is pushing the shirt from Lee's shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, his hands roaming across the bare skin of Lee's back as he presses as close as he can get, kissing him hard enough to make his head spin.

Lee groans into the kiss as Carter's hands blaze trails of heat across his skin and his own hands find the fabric of Carter's t shirt, pulling it up and over his head as quickly as he can. Their mouths part only for the briefest of instants but then they are kissing heatedly again, breathing heavily through their noses as they explore newly revealed skin with wandering hands.

They hadn't had a chance to do this last night, had only managed to get their pants down around their thighs but this time Lee wants to see the whole of Carter, wants desperately to divest him of his clothes and see him completely naked.

He gets his wish just a few moments later when they finally manage to rid themselves of the rest of their clothing, their pants and underwear being shoved hurriedly to the floor in their rush to get at the skin beneath.

Carter's hands slide down to grope Lee's ass and Lee moans into his mouth as they press together, their cocks sliding against each other. He feels overheated, full of hot desire for the man in his arms and his hands can't quite decide what to do with him, alternately sliding over Carter's skin and grasping at him to pull him firmly against his own body.

He grinds against him and they both moan at the friction, at the pleasure it sends jolting through them. He repeats the motion, gasping with arousal between needy kisses. He almost wants to keep going, keep rutting against him until they come apart right there, but the bed is so close and he wants desperately to see Carter spread out on it so he pushes him backwards and steers him towards it.

Carter goes easily, his mouth pulling away from Lee's as they reach the bed, and for a moment he looks up at him with open desire that makes Lee feel almost dizzy with want. Then he sits down on the edge of the bed, scoots backwards so that he is sprawled in the center of it, and Lee can only stare at the glorious sight of him, naked and clearly aroused, his chest heaving as he pants for breath.

Lee can't tear his eyes away.

But then Carter seems to be taking the opportunity to look at him too.

"Damn, Lee," he says breathlessly, giving him an appreciative once over. "I always wondered what you were hiding under those suits of yours." He lifts a finger and moves it in a small circle. "Turn around. Show me that ass."

Lee flushes at the request but he turns around anyway and Carter lets out a low whistle that has even more heat rising in Lee's cheeks.

"The things I could do to that ass," Carter says, desire clear in his voice. " _Fuck_ , get over here."

Lee doesn't need any more prompting than that. He turns on his heel and crawls up the bed to press against Carter again, sealing their lips together as soon as they meet. Carter groans into his mouth and pulls him close, his hands sliding across all the skin he can reach as Lee rolls his hips down against him, their cocks dragging together.

"Shit, Lee," Carter moans, breaking the kiss, and then he is pushing at him, rolling them so that Lee finds himself being pressed into the sheets with a very naked, enthusiastic Carter on top of him. He seals his mouth to Lee's neck and Lee pants for breath at the feel of hot lips and tongue against sensitive skin, moans when Carter scrapes his teeth over his pulse point.

"Carter," he gasps, clutching at him with desperate hands. He wants him so badly, wants this so much that he can barely think past the feeling of Carter against him. "Please." He doesn't know what he's asking for, only knows that he wants more, that he wants anything Carter will give him. "Please."

Carter's mouth pulls away from his throat and then he is looking down at him, eyes blown dark with arousal.

"Wanna fuck you," he says, his voice low and hoarse with want, and it sends a flash of heat through Lee. "Is that...? Can I...?"

" _Yes_ ," Lee answers emphatically and he might have been embarrassed by his eagerness if he were capable of anything other than desire in that moment.

Carter kisses him then, deep and heated, but just a second later he is pulling away, leaning over to fumble with the drawer of the nightstand. He gets it open and when he sits back there is a tube of lube in his hand.

"Gonna make you feel so good," he says as he settles between Lee's legs and drizzles lube onto his fingers. He reaches his hand down between Lee's thighs and presses the tip of a finger to his entrance, circling it slowly before pushing gently to edge his way in.

Lee pants for breath at the touch, spreading his legs wider to give him better access and feeling the dull burn as Carter starts to work him open with slow pressing movements.

"Let me know if I do anything you don't like, yeah?" Carter murmurs, pressing an open mouthed kiss to Lee's chest. "This is about both of us having a good time." He crooks his finger slightly and something sparks inside Lee as it brushes against his prostate. He cries out at the feeling and presses down on Carter's finger in search of more.

"I do not think that will be a problem," he says breathlessly and feels more pressure as Carter pushes another finger in to join the first, stretching him open slowly.

He loses himself in the feeling of it, of Carter's fingers inside him, pressing, rubbing, twisting, and always, always brushing unerringly against his prostate to send pleasure burning through him. He gasps for breath, throwing his head back when Carter's fingers press harder, and he can't stop himself from pushing down onto them in a mindless search for more.

Carter's mouth is still on his chest, pressing hot kisses into his skin as he stretches him open and Lee can feel the desire behind each one of them, can feel Carter's hard cock against his thigh and knows that he wants this too. That thought is almost as arousing as the slow drag of Carter's fingers against his prostate and he wants him so badly that he can barely think past that want.

"Carter," he moans breathlessly, his hands gripping at any part of him that he can reach, smoothing down his back, clasping at his shoulders, needing to feel him, to touch him. Another finger edges inside and his mouth tips open as he gasps for breath, entirely focused on the pressure inside him. Carter's fingers rub at his prostate again and Lee finds himself moaning brokenly, his hips twitching involuntarily as he tries to get more.

Carter presses another kiss to his chest, slides his tongue over his skin and Lee can only arch beneath him, caught up in it all and lost in pleasure. He tries to push down harder onto his fingers, his feet sliding on the covers as he tries to gain more purchase, but then Carter is pulling his fingers out and Lee finds himself pressing down onto nothingness, whining with loss at the disappearance of the wonderful sparking feeling of pleasure inside him.

He clutches at Carter, trying to pull him close and Carter pulls his mouth away from his chest, surging up to kiss him needily, his hard cock sliding against Lee's hip as he moves. They kiss feverishly, panting for breath between each press of their lips and tongues, and Carter grinds against his hip, moans into his mouth.

"Lee," he groans against his lips, aroused and wanting, and the sound of his name said like that has Lee feeling hot and overwhelmed, desire tearing through him. They kiss until they can't breathe anymore and they have to pull apart, gasping for air and still clutching at each other like they can't get enough.

Carter's eyes are dark with desire as he looks down at him and as Lee watches, he reaches for the lube again, slicking himself up with it and groaning as he slides his hand on his own cock. Lee wants to watch him like that, wants to see him bring himself pleasure with his own hand, but more than that he wants Carter to fuck him, wants to feel his cock inside him.

"Please," he says desperately, pulling at his hip in an urgent request and Carter ducks his head to kiss him messily, a careless slide of tongue and lips that Lee doesn't think he'll ever have enough of.

Then there is blunt pressure at his entrance and Carter is sliding in, his mouth tearing away from Lee's so that he can pant for breath into the tiny space between them, and Lee gasps at the feeling, hands gripping frantically at Carter's sides as he pulls his legs up to improve the angle. Carter settles inside him and for a moment they still against each other, their harsh breathing loud in the otherwise quiet room.

Then Carter moves, thrusting into him slowly and they both moan at the feeling. He thrusts again and again, setting up a rhythm that has them both gasping and groaning against each other and Lee can't quite believe this is happening. He wraps his legs around Carter's waist, using them to urge him on and Carter slides one hand down to grip his thigh tightly, his other hand planted firmly on the bed at Lee's side.

" _Fuck_ , Lee," he swears heatedly, his thrusts speeding up and growing harder. He changes the angle slightly and suddenly each one sends his cock sliding against Lee's prostate, dragging desperate moans from his throat.

"Carter," he gasps out between broken moans and he doesn't even care what he sounds like, doesn't care that the only word he can manage right now is Carter's name. Everything narrows down to the slide of Carter's cock inside him, hard and hot and slick, and he doesn't care about anything else, just wants this moment to never end, wants to stay in the hot drag of Carter's skin, the low sound of his moans and the increasingly frantic movement of his thrusts.

They are both close, he knows. Carter's movements are losing coordination, helpless sounds of pleasure falling from his mouth, and Lee doesn't want those sounds to stop, wants to hear them over and over. He can feel liquid heat coiling inside him and he knows he won't last much longer himself.

Carter's hand releases its grip on his thigh and slides up his leg to curl around his cock, stroking him roughly as the rhythm of his thrusts gets ragged. Lee's hips rock into the touch, lost in overwhelming pleasure and it doesn't take much more than that. A few more strokes of his hand and thrusts of his cock and then he is coming, falling apart beneath Carter as his orgasm rushes over him, sending him tumbling and spinning into overpowering ecstasy. He is dimly aware of Carter still thrusting inside him but just a few moments later he is stiffening over him, crying out as he comes too and then collapsing onto Lee, his breaths harsh and ragged and his skin hot and damp with sweat.

Lee manages to curl an arm around him, still half lost in the haze of his own pleasure as he comes down, too out of it still to truly enjoy the feeling of Carter relaxed on top of him. His whole body feels warm and lax with the afterglow of it, full of a blissfully sated feeling that he never wants to end.

He can feel Carter's uneven breaths against the skin of his shoulder, can feel the heaving movement of his chest and he slides a hand down Carter's back, relishing the warm slide of skin. But then Carter is lifting himself weakly off of him, pulling out with a wince and then collapsing at his side, a comfortable splay of limbs that don't quite touch Lee anywhere and Lee misses the contact immediately but he's not sure if he's allowed to move closer, doesn't think Carter would approve of cuddling when this thing between them is only about sex.

For a few minutes neither of them speak, still catching their breath, but then Carter lets out a pleased sounding laugh.

"Damn, this was such a good idea," he says, a smile in his voice, and Lee tips his head to see him grinning brightly. His heart thuds at the sight of it and he knows right then that, no matter what worries he might have about doing this, he won't be putting a stop to this arrangement any time soon.

"Agreed," he says faintly, because right then, with the rush of euphoria still lingering in his limbs and Carter smiling like that, this seems like the best idea either of them has ever had. And even though he knows it's just about sex, he can't stop the tiny spark of happiness that glows in his chest at being there in Carter's bed, both of them loose limbed in the aftermath of blissful release, with the knowledge that he is actually allowed this, if only for a short time. He lets himself offer Carter a small smile, careful to keep the full depth of his affection out of it, and Carter's smile widens.

"Can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!" Carter exclaims, sounding pleased. "That was so much better than some half drunk fuck with a complete stranger. And I didn't even have to seduce you!"

"I am not sure if I should be flattered or insulted by that," Lee tells him with a frown and Carter laughs.

"Shut up, you know what I mean," he says, swatting at Lee's arm and Lee can't help the thrill that runs through him at the thought that Carter is comfortable enough with him to touch him so casually while they are both still completely naked in his bed. "And flattered. You should definitely be flattered," Carter adds.

He sits up and then stretches languidly, his back arching in a thoroughly distracting manner that has Lee's eyes following the line of his body. "And hey, it's not like you had to seduce me either," he points out.

"Yes, you are very easy," Lee says with a solemn nod, face completely serious. "But I do not think that was ever in question."

Carter lets out a startled laugh at that. "I bet you say that to all the guys," he says pressing a mocking hand over his heart and Lee's mouth twitches in amusement.

"Just you," he tells him and Carter laughs again.

"I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted," he grins, echoing Lee's words back at him and Lee chuckles quietly, thinking that he could happily stay right there like that for hours, but then Carter is moving again, patting a friendly hand against his arm to nudge him into action too.

"C'mon," he says as he hops off of the bed. "I'm starving and there's some leftovers in the fridge calling my name. Yours too if you want some?" He bends down to grab his underwear off of the floor, tugging them on as Lee watches, and then starts to wander the room collecting the rest of his clothes.

"I would appreciate that," Lee tells him, sitting up and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Now that he thinks about it he is hungry too but he is also starting to realize that his skin is sticky with a mixture of sweat and come, and he doesn't really want to get dressed again without cleaning up first. He certainly doesn't want to return to Didi's later smelling like sex and Carter. "Do you mind if I use your shower first?"

"Go for it, man," Carter tells him, his voice muffled by the t shirt he is pulling over his head. "I'll heat the food up while you're in there."

He waves a vague hand at the bathroom as he gets his t shirt into place and Lee makes a grateful sound, already on his feet and heading for it.

Behind him he can still hear Carter moving around, humming quietly to himself as he wanders through the apartment and Lee smiles fondly to himself as he shuts the bathroom door behind him. For a moment he stands just inside the door and lets himself revel in the way his whole body feels warm and lazy in the aftermath of their release, and as he turns on the water he can't help thinking to himself that Carter was right.

This was a _very_ good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't originally going to be here but then I decided that I should probably show their first proper time together, given that they'd been drinking the actual first time and didn't really manage to do much. I'm not really sure how I feel about this one though. It's a bit of a filler chapter despite all that but now they can start getting closer and getting more comfortable with the situation.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought!


	3. Chapter 3

After those first two times it becomes a frequent occurrence between them. They still hang out at Didi's some nights with her, Derrick and Gerald but on the nights they end up at Carter's apartment instead, just the two of them, there is generally sex involved and Lee can't get enough of it.

He knows it's foolish, knows that he should stop, but he can't. He wants this, needs it even, and he can't make himself turn his back on it, can't make himself turn away from something that Carter so clearly wants too.

Still he wishes it could be different, wishes that this could be something else because sometimes he longs to reach out and touch Carter in a way that has nothing to do with sex, longs to kiss him just to share his feelings rather than any physical release, longs to reach out and hold his hand just to feel that he is there. But he knows he's not allowed that. This thing between them is just about sex and he doesn't think Carter would appreciate any implication that it could be anything else.

It doesn't matter that that's never been true for him. He keeps that secret to himself, locking it away deep inside and plastering on a cool facade to hide the fact that his treacherous heart beats a little faster when Carter walks into the room, tries to cover the fact that he lights up whenever Carter blesses him with one of his bright, cheerful, _beautiful_ smiles.

It's not easy.

It hurts sometimes, to see the way Carter has no idea what he does to him. He wants to tell him, hates keeping this from his best friend but he can't stomach the thought of losing him because he couldn't keep his own feelings in check, worries that if he tells him how he feels it will be the end of them in every way and he can't bear that thought.

It hurts even more to see the easy way Carter still smiles at anyone with a pretty face and he hates the irrational surge of jealousy he gets whenever that happens. He has no right to be jealous, has no claim over Carter. What they are doing is just sex and he can't expect Carter to stop flirting with other people when this arrangement they have isn't meant like that. But he is jealous all the same. He burns with it sometimes, wishes he was the only one that could get Carter to look like that, tears himself apart with the knowledge that will never be the case.

A quiet part of him says that he should stop before he falls too far but that thought is always swept aside by Carter's presence. All it takes is the brush of a hand, the curve of a suggestive smile, and he is gone, unable to stop himself from feeling Carter's body against his own again, all worries sent drifting away like smoke in the face of that smile and the blissful pleasure that he knows is to come.

An even quieter part of him whispers that he has already fallen too far anyway.

And so he lets Carter have what he wants, what Lee wants too, lets him take him to bed again and again, lets him fuck him into the mattress until he can barely remember his own name, can only remember Carter's, breathing his name again and again because he doesn't know what else to say, doesn't know anything in those moments except that he loves Carter with all his heart and he never wants to let go.

He does always have to let go though because no matter how much he wants to press closer in the aftermath, Carter doesn't seem to want to allow for cuddling in this arrangement. He doesn't stay in Lee's space when it's over, pulls away to recover next to him without touching him and it leaves Lee yearning to close the gap between them. But Carter has very clearly drawn this line in the sand and so he won't cross it, regardless of how much he wants to.

This thing between them is just about sex and he has to let it stay that way, even as his heart aches at that knowledge. He still throws himself into it though, loses himself in the hot slide of skin and the feel of Carter's mouth on his at every chance they can find.

He gets to know Carter's moods. He knows that after a tough day, a draining case or a frustrating one that just won't break, Carter will want it rough and frantic, will bite at his skin and scrape his nails down his back, will fuck him so hard that he can still feel him the next day. Those times are few and far between though and for the most part Carter is gentler with him, all deep kisses and exploring hands that make his whole body sing with desire and need.

He learns that after a particularly good day Carter will want it slow and sensual, will draw it out with lingering touches and leisurely, rolling thrusts, will bring him to the edge and hold him there for long breathless moments until he can't tell which way is up anymore.

Those times are both the best and the worst. The best because Carter touches him so gently that he can almost imagine he loves him back. The worst because it's even harder to swallow down the 'I love you' that rises in his throat than it is all the other times.

He knows that would ruin everything.

So he bites his lip against the words that threaten to come tumbling out and pretends that this is casual for him too, pretends his heart doesn't break a little every time Carter pulls away.

If he pretends hard enough he can almost convince himself.

~~~

" _Fuck_ ," Carter groans in his ear as he slams him up against the tiles, his hands gripping at Lee's sides hard enough to bruise. He bites at the skin of Lee's shoulder, his mouth hot against his skin, and Lee gasps for breath, water from the running shower flowing down his face and into his gaping mouth as he braces himself against the wall.

Carter kicks his feet further apart so that they are of a similar height and presses himself flush against Lee's back, and Lee moans at the feel of his cock pressed against his ass. Carter grinds against him, grips his hips harder as he ruts against his ass and presses open mouthed kisses to the base of his neck.

One of his hands slips around to grasp Lee's cock, stroking him in time with his own thrusts and Lee moans again and tips his head forward to rest against the cool tiles, pressing back into Carter's body.

"Tell me what you want," Carter says, his voice low and rough with desire, and Lee makes a helpless sound in response, his cock twitching in Carter's hand.

"Want you in me," he manages to say desperately, shivering as Carter's cock drags hot and hard against his ass. Carter presses another biting kiss between his shoulder blades and Lee whines at the feel of it, at the way Carter twists his hand around his cock in reward.

He hears Carter fumble for the lube that he keeps on one of the shelves in the shower and then there is a slick finger pressing against his entrance. It pushes further in and Lee gasps at the pressure and the dull burn it causes. He rocks back onto it, wanting more, and Carter gives him what he wants, sliding it all the way in and easing him open with slow, pressing movements.

"More," Lee gasps out, his hips twitching and another finger joins the first. He can feel the heavy pants of Carter's breath against his back, can hear the quiet sounds he is making as he works him open.

It's not long before he has three fingers in him, twisting and pressing, dragging over his prostate to pull desperate moans from his throat.

"Carter," he whimpers, pressing backwards needily, overrun with the need for anything Carter will give him. He could come like this if Carter let him, has done in the past. But he wants Carter in him this time, wants to feel Carter's cock filling him up.

"Carter," he gasps, a warning this time, and he flails a hand behind him in an attempt to stop his fingers. "Want you in me."

Carter huffs out a laugh against his back and drags his fingers out. Lee whines at the loss despite himself but it is only moments later that he feels the blunt pressure of Carter's cock pressing against him.

"Like this?" Carter asks, his voice tight as he slides into him, one arm wrapping around his chest to hold him in place.

" _Yes_ ," Lee groans in response, letting out a broken moan when Carter snaps his hips forward in a quick thrust. " _Yes_."

Carter thrusts again, pressing them against the wall and starting a rough rhythm that has Lee crying out in pleasure. He can hear Carter grunting against his back with each thrust, can hear the slap of their skin over the sound of running water.

He feels like he's on fire. Everything is pleasure and the wonderful feeling of fullness, and he pants for breath around the moans that he can't quite contain. Carter does this to him, tears through all his carefully constructed walls and reduces him to a quivering mess that can't think much other than _more_ and _harder_ and _Carter_.

Carter thrusts harder and Lee makes an obscene sound that echoes around the walls of the bathroom, pushing back onto him desperately as he nears the edge. His hands claw at the wet tiles in front of him, his mouth open and gasping as Carter pounds into him. Everything is lust and need, the rush of water down their bodies and the hot slide of Carter's cock inside him. He is helpless to it all and it only takes a few more thrusts to send him over the edge, his toes curling and his vision whiting out as he comes hard with a wordless cry.

He can feel Carter still moving against him, dragging more sounds of pleasure from his lips as his orgasm rushes through him and he loses himself in the ecstasy of it. His legs tremble beneath him as he comes back to himself but the force of Carter's continued thrusts holds him upright and he shivers at the sensation, whimpering as Carter's movements grow erratic.

Carter's hand tightens on his hip and he makes a low sound that tells Lee he is almost there. He thrusts once, twice, a third time and then groans loudly as he comes, his hips rocking unsteadily as he works himself through it.

His movements slow and then they are both still. Carter's forehead presses against Lee's back as he catches his breath, his arm still around his chest, and for a moment it feels like they could be a normal couple.

_I love you,_ he wants to say but he bites his tongue against it and waits for Carter to move instead.

Eventually Carter's head lifts and his hand presses against Lee's side as he pulls out. Lee lets out a heavy, shuddering breath at the feeling and tries to force his legs into cooperating so that he can stand up properly, peeling himself away from the tiles.

"Damn, I needed that after the day we've had," Carter comments from behind him, sounding relaxed and sated as he washes himself off and Lee reaches for the soap to follow suit. He doesn't say anything in response, doesn't trust himself to speak right now when he is still humming with the warm afterglow of sex and the thrill of Carter's touch.

Carter doesn't seem to require an answer though and they finish washing off in silence. When they are done, Carter shuts the water off and climbs out, grabbing a towel to dry himself off with.

"So, takeout?" he asks as Lee steps out too.

"Okay," Lee agrees easily, watching as Carter stands naked and unselfconscious before him.

"Thai or Indian?" Carter asks, grabbing for his clothes and starting to pull them on, completely comfortable to be having this discussion half dressed after he has just fucked Lee senseless against the wall of his shower.

Lee hums quietly, watching Carter's ass as he pulls his jeans up.

"Lee?" Carter asks again and Lee pulls his eyes up to find Carter smirking at him. "Seriously, man? You're insatiable. At least let me have some food first before we go for another round."

Lee flushes in embarrassment at being caught but Carter just grins at him and saunters away.

"So, Thai or Indian?" he calls out as he goes and Lee struggles to get his brain working enough to form an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter this time but hopefully you liked it. Still plenty more to come though!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

"See our guy yet?" Carter asks as they walk along the boulevard at the top of a busy beach, both keeping their eyes peeled for the man they suspect of perpetrating a string of robberies.

"No. Are you sure he will be here?" Lee asks, scanning the crowds but still coming up empty.

"Gerald ain't usually wrong," Carter tells him with a casual shrug of one shoulder and Lee shoots him a dubious look that has Carter grinning at him.

"Alright, he ain't usually wrong about this kind of thing," he amends and Lee has to grudgingly admit, if only to himself, that as far as their cases go the information Gerald provides is usually accurate. He turns his head to look at all the passing people again, searching for the telltale bright orange hat that Gerald had sworn their quarry would be wearing, as they continue to wander past the row of stores that sit in a line above the beach.

"Hey, you wanna get ice cream when we're done here?" Carter asks a few minutes later and Lee turns his head to see the way his partner's eyes catch on the ice cream parlor that they are approaching.

"We are working, Carter," he chides even though the idea of ice cream is pleasant and Carter pulls a face at him, immature and, although Lee doesn't want to admit it, kind of adorable.

"C'mon, man. It'll take like two minutes and we can eat it on the way back to the car. Wouldn't take that much time out of your super cop schedule." They pass the ice cream parlor and Carter's head turns to gaze longingly at the rows of ice cream on display in the front of the store, and Lee suddenly has the irrational desire to buy Carter all the ice cream he wants.

He opens his mouth to respond, although whether to give in to his request or tell him to focus he's not sure, but that's when he sees a flash of bright orange at the edge of his vision and when he focuses in on it he sees the man they came here for.

"Over there," he says with a nod of his head and Carter follows his eyes to the tall man standing near a hot dog stand.

"Orange hat. Just like Gerald said. C'mon let's see what he has to say 'bout all this."

He starts to weave his way through the crowd and Lee follows after him, dodging around a couple with three raucous children, and they reach the man before he even notices their approach.

"Jakobe Rucker?" Lee asks, perhaps a little sterner than necessary, and Carter nudges him in the ribs with his elbow.

"LAPD," Carter says, moving his jacket to show his badge and plastering on his most charming smile, the one that always makes Lee want to kiss him breathless. "We'd just like to ask you a few questions."

For a moment Jakobe looks startled at their arrival and Carter continues smiling at him in the way he has taken to doing when he feels like Lee isn't being friendly enough, as if he can be charming enough for both of them. Secretly Lee thinks that he probably can.

And of course that's when Jakobe turns on his heel and sprints away from them.

"Hey!" Carter shouts, sounding almost offended, and then they are chasing after him, racing down the boulevard and trying to keep him in sight as he charges past groups of staring people. And really, Lee thinks as he ducks around a group of men that have decided to stop and gawk right in front of him, if he had any sense he'd take that bright orange hat off because it makes it a whole lot easier to keep following as he veers through the crowds.

"Well I guess that answers the question about whether he did it," Carter calls out as they chase after him and Lee can only agree because what had only been suspicions before are now solidifying in his mind to tell him that Jakobe was definitely involved in the robberies.

Jakobe reaches the edge of the boulevard and makes a sharp turn into the gap between two buildings but Lee is hot on his heels, making the turn right behind him and running down the junk filled alley that he finds himself in. They dash past the opening to another alley and Lee hears Carter shout "I'll cut him off," behind him, hears the sound of Carter's footsteps change direction as he darts into that alleyway.

Ahead of him Jakobe seizes the edge of a couple of wooden pallets that are leaning against the grimy brick wall of one building and drags them over in his wake, bringing them crashing to the ground with a terrific sound of splintering wood against concrete. The move costs him valuable moments though and Lee speeds up to leap over them and close the gap between them, his feet hitting the ground hard as he lands.

Another corner is coming up and Lee pours on the speed, putting all his energy into running as he tries to catch up. Jakobe skids around the corner, his feet slipping and losing traction and then just as he disappears from Lee's sight there is a thud. The sound of a scuffle follows and Lee turns the corner to find Jakobe and Carter sprawled on the ground, Carter trying to subdue their flighty thief.

"Man, why do they always run?" he complains as Lee skids to a sudden halt, almost tripping straight over them but stopping himself at the last moment. "Why'd you run? Me an' my partner just wanted to ask you a few questions."

Jakobe squirms as Carter snaps a pair of handcuffs around his wrists. "I ain't done nothing," he says and Carter snorts in disbelief.

"So you just thought it'd be fun to get chased by a couple of cops, that it?"

Jakobe makes a displeased sound but he doesn't answer that as Carter starts to read him his rights and he goes still, all the fight leaving him as he listens sullenly. He doesn't say anything when Carter has finished either, clearly exercising his right to remain silent as Carter lets go of him and moves to slump on the ground next to him with a groan, his hands going to his leg as a pained look crosses his face.

"Are you okay?" Lee asks with a frown, eyeing the way Carter is holding his leg in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Carter answers, straightening his leg out cautiously and looking faintly embarrassed. "I just... I think I might'a pulled something when we went down."

He winces slightly and Lee suddenly wants to reach out to him, has to pull his hand back when he realizes it is already part way there, because he's not sure if he would have done that before and if there's one thing he's determined to do, it's to keep acting the same way he always has around Carter. He can't let what they are doing and the fact that he has feelings for him change the way he behaves because then Carter might figure out the truth and he can't let that happen.

Carter sighs and then turns his eyes away from his leg, looking up at Lee from his spot on the ground.

"Come on then. Help me up," he says, always the one to cross that gap between them. He holds a hand out and Lee finds himself taking it before he has even registered what he's doing, hauling Carter to his feet and holding on just a little too long as he savors the feeling of Carter's hand in his. It's ridiculous given the fact that they have done far more intimate things than that but for some reason it sends a tendril of warmth through him, especially when Carter lets the touch linger for a moment when he is standing, looking up at Lee with warm eyes.

He is so close and Lee wants to lean in and kiss him, the way he knows he would if they were hidden away in the privacy of Carter's apartment. But this isn't Carter's apartment. This is a grimy alley and they have a captured criminal still laying on the ground at their feet so Lee forces himself to pull away, forces himself not to get lost in the magnetic pull of Carter's eyes.

"We should get him back to the precinct," he says, dragging his hand slowly out of Carter's, relishing the last faint touch of their fingers, and he has to make himself take a step back to put some space between them because Carter is still looking up at him and not moving away and Lee wants so desperately to kiss him that he's not sure he'll be able to hold back if he stays that close to him.

"Right, of course," Carter responds, clearing his throat and running a hand over the top of his head as he turns back to Jakobe. "We should do that. Come on, man. On your feet. And don't even think about running again. I ain't gonna chase you again but my partner here is a kickass ninja and there's no way you're getting away from him."

He sounds so sure, so certain that Lee would catch him, and Lee can't help feeling flattered at the overwhelming faith Carter so evidently has in him. It sends a pleased rush of happiness through him and he has to work to stop it creeping into his expression as he follows Carter and Jakobe out of the spread of alleys and back onto the sun drenched boulevard. He wonders faintly if he's always been that pleased by Carter's approval or if that too is linked to his feelings for him.

Either way, he lets himself enjoy the feeling for a few short minutes as they start to make their way back.

~~~

"Man I thought this day would never end," Carter groans later that evening as Lee closes the door behind them. After catching Jakobe, their day had involved a lot of paperwork and, while it had kept Carter off of his leg, it had also filled him with restless boredom. He watches as Carter limps over to drop his keys into the little dish he keeps them in and eyes his leg in concern as he moves to Carter's elbow, unthinkingly reaching out to support him despite his earlier reticence to do just that for fear of revealing too much.

"Are you okay?" Lee asks, stepping in closer than he really should. He knows it's only a pulled muscle but it looks like it hurts and he doesn't like seeing his partner in pain like this.

"I'm fine," Carter says with a rueful smile. Then he winks at him. "You know what else is fine?" He slides his hands around Lee's waist and slips them down to grope at his ass with a mischievous grin.

"You are injured," Lee tells him seriously, although he allows the touch, and Carter pokes him in the side.

"C'mon, man. It's not that bad," he says and tugs at the front of Lee's shirt until he ducks his head to kiss him, the way he had wanted to do earlier. Carter deepens the kiss, his hands grasping at Lee's body as he tries to get even closer, his tongue sliding hotly into Lee's mouth.

They kiss until they have to break apart to breathe and Lee's head spins with it.

"You might be right about my leg," Carter pants against his mouth and Lee feels him wince slightly.

"You should be resting it," he says, pulling back to look at him properly.

"Well then you'll just have to figure out some way we can do this without me using my leg," Carter grins at him, completely undeterred. Lee considers him for a moment. He could step away now but he's seen Carter in this mood before. He'll be flirty and playful all evening until he gets what he wants, all teasing touches and sly looks that he knows will drive Lee to distraction.

Lee knows himself well enough to know that he'll never hold out against that. It's hard holding back from him even now, with Carter warm against him and that bright, impish smile on his lips.

"I'm sure I can think of something," he says finally and Carter gives him a triumphant look that is all too appealing. Lee pulls away from the temptation of another kiss though and steers him towards the couch, wanting to get Carter off of that injured leg. He pushes him down onto it and drops to his knees between Carter's legs.

Carter makes a pleased hum at the move. "I like the way you think." He grins down at him and Lee can't resist kneeling up to kiss him again, feeling that grin against his lips.

When they pull apart he reaches for Carter's belt, getting it open and unzipping his jeans. He dips a hand inside and Carter makes a low sound at the touch, his hips rocking slowly. Lee watches him for a moment, enjoying the way Carter's mouth falls open when he presses his hand just a little harder, but then he pulls his hand away and tugs at Carter's pants instead.

Carter lifts his hips helpfully, and Lee peels his jeans down his legs, taking his underwear with them and pulling both down until they tangle around his ankles. He slides his hands up the bare skin of Carter's thighs, feels the way he shivers at that. He ducks his head to press an open mouthed kiss to the inside of his knee and then works his way up the inside of his thigh, licking and sucking at the skin. Above him Carter's breaths become pants and one of his hands slides into Lee's hair, urging him onward.

"Come on," he whines and Lee looks up to see his eyes dark and blown with lust. He turns his face back into Carter's thigh, nips at his skin in a way that pulls a startled moan from his partner's throat and makes his hand twitch in his hair.

"Come on," Carter says again, his voice breathy and urgent. Lee has never been able to resist that voice and this time is no different. He presses his mouth over the end of Carter's cock and gives him what he wants, sliding his mouth down slowly and pressing his tongue against the underside.

Carter groans above him and lifts his hips slightly but Lee presses his hands to his thighs, holding him in place so that he won't hurt his leg. He bobs his head slightly, feeling the slide of Carter's cock on his tongue and Carter makes a helpless sound, his hand carding through Lee's hair restlessly.

"Yes," Carter hisses as Lee starts a slow rhythm. "Just like that."

Lee swirls his tongue and sucks lightly, earning a cry of pleasure in response. He wants to make it good, wants to do everything he can to bring Carter as much pleasure as possible. He loves the noises Carter makes, loves hearing him sigh and gasp and moan because of him.

It has him hard in his own pants just listening to him.

Carter moans loudly at another sucking slide of Lee's mouth and Lee groans in response, presses his mouth further down in an effort to pull more delicious sounds from him. He hollows his cheeks on the way back up, sucking hard and Carter yells with pleasure. He tries to move his hips, tries to thrust into Lee's mouth but Lee's hands hold firm, keeping him from moving.

On another day, he would have let go and simply let Carter fuck his mouth, let him take what he wanted with heated abandon, but he is worried about the pulled muscle in Carter's leg. He doesn't want him to make it worse and so he keeps his hands where they are, holds him down and keeps his rhythm as he works him towards the edge.

"C'mon," Carter moans, both his hands in Lee's hair now. Lee hums around his cock in acknowledgement and Carter groans at the vibrations.

"Do that again," he gasps and Lee happily complies. He is so hard himself, his cock trapped and aching in his pants, and it's easy to moan around Carter's cock, to drive him wild with the vibrations of it. Carter's hands fist in his hair, gripping tightly and Lee moans again, lets him take control of his movements.

The pressure of Carter's hands direct his actions and he lets him speed up the bobbing of his head, gives in to the urgent pressing movements of his fingers. He knows Carter is close, can hear it in the desperate sounds he's making, can feel it in the frantic tug of his hands. He sucks hard again, presses his tongue firmly against his cock and lets Carter move his head faster, his neck aching with the strain.

Carter lets out a high pitched keening sound, his hands clenching tightly in Lee's hair, and then he is coming in hot spurts, the taste bitter on Lee's tongue. He swallows around Carter's cock, drinking it all down and sucking gently as he works him through it, his thumbs brushing lightly at the insides of Carter's thighs.

When Carter is spent, Lee lets him slip out of his mouth, sits back and licks his lips as he watches Carter pant for breath, his head tipped back.

He is still achingly hard and he wants to palm at his own erection but he would rather watch as Carter comes down from his orgasm, would rather watch the way his chest heaves as he breaths and the way his mouth hangs open on each gasping breath.

He is stunning like this and Lee knows that for a few moments at least, he is safe from being observed as Carter tries to gather his scattered wits. He tips his head down to press a gentle kiss to Carter's thigh and then rests his temple against his knee to watch him again, one hand stroking at his leg in gentle movements. He lets himself stare, lets himself acknowledge the longing ache in his chest, as he looks up at him in these brief moments while Carter's eyes are closed and he can't see the hopeless love in Lee's eyes.

Carter's eyelids flutter as they open and Lee ducks his head quickly to hide the expression on his face, takes a quick shivering breath as he buries that desperate yearning back inside where it can't be discovered.

A warm hand finds his shoulder, smoothing at the fabric of his shirt.

"Get up here," Carter says sounding still half out of it and Lee goes willingly, clambers up onto the couch beside him and lets Carter tip his head up to slot their mouths together.

They kiss languidly and Lee tries to enjoy the slow pace of it despite the burning desire in his veins. He longs to be touched, burns with the need for something, anything, to sate the hot lust that flickers through him as he presses eagerly into Carter's touch. One of Carter's hands slips down to his crotch, palming him through his pants and Lee gasps and groans into his mouth, his hips twitching.

The hand pulls away and Lee whines at the loss of it, earning a huff of laughter from Carter. Then there are hands at his belt, tugging it open and pushing his pants down. Lee kicks his way out of them, pushes his underwear down to join them somewhere on the floor. He tries to press against Carter's side, tries to find some friction as he seeks another kiss, their tongues sliding together as Carter lets him in.

But then Carter is pushing him back, pushing at him until he is sat up on the couch and Carter is slipping off of it to reverse their positions and sit between his knees.

"Your leg," Lee tries to protest but Carter waves a dismissive hand.

"It's fine as long as I don't use it too much," he says, pulling Lee forward until he is sat on the edge of the couch in easy reach of Carter's mouth without him having to kneel up.

"See?" Carter says with a wicked smile, dipping his head to lick a long stripe up Lee's cock, and all thoughts of protest leave his mind.

"Carter," he groans and Carter ducks his head again, sucking at the tip of his cock, his hands pulling Lee's thighs further apart. He moves his head lower, taking more of him in, and Lee moans at the sight of that mouth stretched around his cock.

He knows he won't last long. He's been achingly hard for a while now and the sight of Carter sucking his cock is enough to send him shooting towards the edge already. He tips his hips up needily, making desperate sounds in his throat that he doesn't know how to stop.

Carter encourages him, bobbing his head faster and slipping his hands under Lee's thighs to grip them tightly, to pull him into his face.

Lee moans and writhes, throwing his head back in pleasure and then immediately tipping it back down again to watch because he doesn't want to miss a moment of this, wants to see Carter getting him off with his mouth, wants to see his cock disappearing between slick lips. It doesn't matter how many times they do it, he still can't get over the sight of Carter doing this to him, wants to watch every second of it. He slides a hand over the crown of Carter's head, rubbing at his hair and urging him on, his eyes fixed on his mouth.

Carters tongue presses against him, slides along the length of his cock as he sucks at him and Lee gasps for breath, overheated and wanting. Everything narrows down to the wet heat of Carter's mouth and the bolts of pleasure shooting through his body.

Then Carter presses his head down as far as he can and swallows around him, sucks as soon as the motion is through, and Lee is gone, tipping over the edge and coming down his partner's throat with a helpless moan.

Carter milks every last drop out of him, licking at him until he starts to become oversensitive and has to push weakly at Carter's head to push him off. Carter pulls back and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, smirks at the pitiful sound Lee makes in response as his eyes follow that movement avidly.

Then he is heaving himself up onto the couch, being careful of his leg as he presses against Lee's side and kisses him, open mouthed and sloppy, to share the taste of him. Lee whimpers, licking into Carter's mouth and sliding an arm around him to pull him closer. He is breathless and sated, humming with blissful release and he can barely summon enough coordination to kiss Carter properly.

Eventually Carter pulls back and rests his head against the back of the couch, waiting patiently as Lee tries to pull himself back together. He looks stunning, wearing only a t shirt and a satisfied smile, and Lee wants to tell him that but he hasn't quite regained the ability to form words.

More than that he wants to tell him he loves him, wants to press the words into his skin and breathe them into his mouth, so it's probably for the best that he can't manage to speak right now.

He bites his lip against those words anyway, just in case, and tries to catch his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's some more smut for you. I swear this fic is going to have stuff that isn't just them having sex... although there is going to be a lot of that too!
> 
> Anyway, hopefully you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	5. Chapter 5

"Emanuel totally likes you, you know?" Carter says casually as they sit slumped on the couch one evening. There's a movie playing on the TV but Lee hasn't been paying attention. He's much more interested in watching Carter as he relaxes against the back of the couch, throwing popcorn in the air and trying to catch it with his mouth.

"Who?" Lee asks absently, caught up in the sight of him, and Carter laughs, missing his mouth with the latest kernel and tipping his head forward to see where it went.

"I guess that means you don't like him back," he says sounding amused. He leans sideways to retrieve the piece of the popcorn from the edge of the couch and drops it into his mouth.

Lee looks at him in confusion, still trying to place who he might be talking about.

"Y'know, Emanuel?" Carter prompts, catching his bemused expression. "From IT? He was fixing our computers today."

"Oh," Lee says in response, uncertain what else Carter wants from him. He knows who Carter means now but he hadn't realized Emanuel was interested in him, had mostly just been put out that he'd had to stop using his computer. "I hadn't really thought about it."

"I mean, I'm not trying to push you together or anything," Carter says quickly and Lee frowns at him. Why had he mentioned it then? "I'm just sayin', he was totally into you."

Lee briefly considers whether it's acceptable to say that he really doesn't give a shit if Emanuel is into him or not. The only person he's interested in is Carter.

He decides that's definitely not acceptable but he also doesn't want Carter to get any ideas about setting him up with him.

"He is annoying," he says cautiously, hoping to waylay any intentions like that, and Carter snorts with laughter.

"You're just upset you had to stop writing your report while he fixed your computer," he says, returning to throwing popcorn into his mouth, taking a kernel from the bowl he is still holding and tossing it high in the air, catching it in his mouth and making a triumphant sound.

"It took a lot longer than fixing yours," Lee complains and Carter shoots him a grin.

"I wonder why that was, hot stuff," he laughs, giving him a suggestive look up and down. "He spent so much time checking you out I'm surprised he got any work done at all!"

Lee looks across at him, wondering why Carter is suddenly so interested in his love life. He hopes briefly that he hasn't done anything to give away how he feels about him but reasons that if he had they would be having a wildly different conversation.

Then he wonders if he is supposed to show an interest in return. It's what friends do isn't it?

"Do you still like Alice? From the morgue?" he asks awkwardly, deciding he will at least try it for Carter's sake, regardless of how much he doesn't want to hear the answer.

Carter's head jerks up in surprise and Lee wonders what's so unexpected about that question. Hadn't Carter just been asking him a similar thing?

"No," Carter answers after a moment and Lee wants to sigh in relief.

"Why not?" he asks, genuinely curious because Carter had been so vocal about liking her at the time, but now that he thinks about it, he hasn't heard him mention her in a while.

"There's just no spark, y'know?" Carter shrugs casually. He turns his head to frown at Lee. "Why? Do you like her?"

"No," Lee says quickly. "She is..."

He stops himself, not sure how to word what he means without insulting the woman Carter used to have a crush on. Carter raises an eyebrow, his expression curious.

"She's what?"

Lee hesitates a moment longer. "Annoying," he finishes with a wince but Carter just laughs.

"And, according to you, so was Emmanuel," he grins. "Tell me, do you find everyone annoying?"

"I don't find you annoying," Lee answers before he can stop himself. "Well not all the time," he adds, his voice faintly teasing.

"Hey!" Carter exclaims, pouting at him. He grabs another kernel of popcorn and throws it straight at Lee's face but Lee catches it easily in his mouth and eats it.

"Show off," Carter grumbles and Lee's mouth twitches into an amused smile.

There's a pause and then Carter gives him a considering look.

"Bet you can't do it again," he says and Lee raises a challenging eyebrow at him.

What ensues is the most ridiculous competition Lee has ever found himself a part of. He wins it easily of course and Carter fails to catch even half of his popcorn, laughing too much and shoving at Lee's shoulder when he continues to catch them easily.

"How are you doing that?" he exclaims, tossing another piece of popcorn in the air and missing it by inches, jerking his head sideways in a failed attempt to catch it.

"It is not difficult," Lee tells him in amusement, flicking his hand to throw his own piece into the air, and Carter shoves at him again, his hand warm against Lee's shoulder as he attempts to distract him into missing it, but he still snaps it up easily.

He can't quite believe that he is participating in something so juvenile but then Carter always seems to make it easy to do things that he had never thought he would, and the way he is smiling and laughing has Lee feeling almost giddy with it. _This is fun_ , he thinks, letting out a sharp laugh when Carter lurches forward in pursuit of another kernel and almost falls off of the couch, catching himself at the last moment with an inelegant flail, and he can't help thinking that he hasn't had simple fun like this in a long time, hasn't let himself indulge in anything this childish since... well since he was a child.

It's Carter's influence, he knows. Carter could get him to do almost anything with that bright smile of his and it's not just about the way Lee is attracted to him. It's just as much to do with the effortless way Carter puts him at ease and makes him feel like he belongs in this place that had seemed so strange and foreign to him when he had first arrived.

It's in the way Carter had invited him into his family without even a second thought. It's in the way Lee knows deep in his bones that Carter would do anything for him just as he would do anything for Carter, would have done so long before his feelings for him turned romantic. And it's there in the way Carter will smile at him playfully and gradually draw him out of his shell with alternate nagging and cajoling until Lee finds that all his carefully built walls are falling apart.

He watches Carter with a fond smile as he catches another kernel of popcorn in his mouth and crows in triumph, pointing a challenging finger at Lee as if he hasn't already lost this ridiculous challenge by a long way, and Lee can't help the way his smile grows at his enthusiasm.

They work their way through all of the popcorn like that until the bowl is finally empty, laughing and smiling, jostling at each other in an attempt to get an edge, not that Lee needs one really but Carter is touching him so casually and he can't help returning those touches.

"I should've known better than to challenge you," Carter says with a wry smile as he throws the last kernel of popcorn in the air, sighs as it bounces of his nose. He doesn't bother looking for it and instead tips his head to stick his tongue out at Lee, an infantile gesture even for him, and Lee almost wants to return the action but he's not so far gone that he will sink that low, even if he can't help thinking that the look on Carter's face if he did might be worth it.

"You are ridiculous," he tells him instead and Carter grins as if it were a compliment.

"You wouldn't have me any other way," he says, smiling and not at all serious, but Lee's heart thuds at the truth of it.

_No, I wouldn't_ , he thinks as Carter shoves the empty popcorn bowl onto the coffee table and sits back, one hand tapping at his leg, and for a few minutes they lapse into silence, both slumped comfortably on the couch as the movie on the television plays on. Lee still doesn't even know what movie it is. He can't tear his eyes away from Carter and the relaxed line of his body, the contented smile on his lips.

"Hey, Lee?" Carter says a couple of minutes later, tilting his head to look across at him and Lee has to hope that he isn't too obviously staring.

"Yeah?"

"Wanna have sex?" He waggles his eyebrows and Lee rolls his eyes.

They both know there's only one answer he'll give.

"I'll take that as a yes," Carter grins, already crawling into his space on eager hands that start to trail paths of heat down his body as soon as he is close enough, crowding in close and pressing their mouths together.

He tastes like the popcorn he'd had so much trouble catching.

"Yes," Lee mumbles against his lips, his pulse already speeding up in anticipation as he licks into his mouth to chase that taste. He slips a hand up under Carter's t shirt, slides it up over warm skin to rest between his shoulder blades, and pulls him closer.

He always says yes.

~~~

"You've been spending a lot of time at Carter's," Didi says one evening as they stand side by side in the kitchen while she washes the plates and he carefully dries them.

"He is my best friend," Lee says in answer, taking another plate and starting to dry it.

"Yeah but is that all he is?" she asks and Lee's heart stutters in his chest as he worries they might have been caught.

"What else could he be?" he asks cautiously and Didi gives him a disbelieving look.

"I've seen the way you look at him," she says and Lee hopes he's not really that obvious.

"And how's that?"

Didi sighs at his evasiveness and passes him another plate. "Look, I'm not trying to interrogate you here, okay? I'm just concerned."

Lee frowns. He doesn't want to have this conversation, already knows that what he's doing is stupid and that he'll just end up with a broken heart. But that doesn't mean he wants to stop. And he certainly doesn't want to hear it from someone else too.

"There is nothing to be concerned about," he tells her, focusing on the plate in his hand in order to avoid her eyes.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt," she says. She's stopped reaching for the dirty plates, which leaves Lee drying the same one fastidiously as an excuse not to look at her. "I know you're falling for him. I can see it in your eyes when you think he's not looking."

Lee frowns to himself. He'll have to be more careful if Didi is picking up on the way he looks at Carter, will have to keep himself in check when they are around other people. He hadn't realized he was being so obvious.

She doesn't seem to be getting it all right though. She thinks he is only just falling for him when the truth is he's been in love with Carter for a long time now. She clearly doesn't know about the sex either; there's no way she would keep quiet about that if she knew.

He keeps his eyes on the plate in his hands, trying to figure out what to say to that and still attempting to avoid her gaze.

Seconds tick past and she sighs beside him, reaches out to take the plate from his hands and set it on the side. "I think that one's dry now," she says, a hint of amusement in her voice.

With nothing left to do except have this conversation, he finally looks at her, taking in the care and concern in her eyes.

"You can talk to me, you know that right?" she says and Lee does know that. He knows he could tell her how he feels for Carter, but he also worries about how she would react if he admitted he was sleeping with him.

"I know." He sighs. "You don't have to worry. I will not let it get out of control."

She gives him a sympathetic look. "Sometimes it's not that easy."

He knows how true that is, knows that if he's being perfectly honest, this thing with Carter is already out of control. But he can't make himself stop, doesn't even want to, so he forces a small smile onto his face and says, "I will be fine."

It seems to be convincing enough or maybe Didi just decides she has pressed enough for today. Either way she reaches for another dirty plate and they resume their cycle in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's another chapter! And the first chapter to not have sex in it! Although there's going to be plenty more of that in later chapters. Anyway, hopefully you liked this one!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	6. Chapter 6

"Been thinkin' about this all day," Carter confesses, his voice tight with effort as he snaps his hips forward hard, fucking Lee with all the strength he has, and Lee moans desperately at the words. He likes the idea of Carter thinking about him like that, likes the idea of him thinking it at work.

"Was thinking about it too," he manages to gasp out, breathless as another almost brutal thrust drives all the air from his lungs. He tips his head forward, his mouth hanging open on a wordless sound that rips from his throat as Carter plows into him again, their sweat slick skin sliding together with each movement.

Carter isn't often this rough with him but Lee knows it's because he's frustrated. They both are really. Their current case is dragging on without any new leads and it has them both tetchy and fed up.

Lee is an easy target for Carter's frustration, a willing target really because he wants this so badly it's almost shameful. He presses back into each forceful thrust, lets Carter fuck him so hard he knows he'll still be able to feel it tomorrow, lets Carter take and take and take and still wants to give more.

He had known exactly what he was getting himself into when they had arrived back at Carter's apartment and he had stepped in close to kiss him, had known that Carter would want it hard and fast, and he had been right. Carter had practically torn his clothes off and shoved him onto his hands and knees on the bed, intent on venting some of the built up tension of the day. Lee had gone willingly, desperate for the feel of Carter against him, inside him.

The force of Carter's thrusts are enough to make his knees slide on the bed sheets and he plants his hands further forward in an effort to gain some stability. One of Carter's hands slides down his back, blunt nails scraping at his skin as he moans in pleasure, his other hand gripping tightly at Lee's hip, pulling him into his thrusts. Lee knows he's going to be sore tomorrow but he presses back anyway, takes each powerful thrust and listens to Carter grunt with exertion each time.

Carter's hands tighten on his hips and when he slams into him again it is even harder than all the previous times. Lee keens at the feeling of it, his chest heaving as he pants for breath and his arms trembling as he tries to hold himself up under the force of Carter's movements.

He is so close, his whole body burning with heat and pleasure and the feeling of Carter. He knows it won't take long now. He can feel his orgasm approaching and he presses back desperately, moaning loudly and hearing Carter making similar noises.

One of Carter's hands slides around to grasp his cock, stroking him roughly as his hips continue their forceful thrusts and Lee whines at the feeling. He doesn't know which way to move, backwards onto Carter's cock or forwards into his hand, but he's so close that it doesn't matter anyway and only moments later he is coming hard, clenching around Carter's cock and crying out in pleasure.

He is dimly aware of Carter stiffening against him, groaning low in his throat as he comes too, and then they are collapsing forward onto the bed, Lee's arms and legs finally giving out as his orgasm tears through him.

They lay panting and gasping for breath. Carter is a pleasant weight on his back and Lee likes the feeling of it, likes the way he is pressed into the mattress beneath him. He can feel Carter's rapid breaths against his skin, can feel the movement of his chest as he sucks in each lungful of air.

He listens as those breaths start to steady, letting his own fall into sync and reveling in the feeling of Carter pressed against him like this, their sweat damp skin sticking and clinging.

All too soon though Carter is moving again, pulling out of him and collapsing next to him. Lee whines at the hollow feeling he leaves behind and stays where he is, unable to move quite yet after such rough treatment. He's starting to feel sore already but he doesn't regret a moment of it, likes the knowledge that he will be able to feel this for the rest of the day and probably tomorrow too, likes the idea of going to work tomorrow and still being able to feel what Carter has done to him.

A warm hand on his back pulls him out of his thoughts, startlingly gentle after their recent activities.

"Hey, you okay?" Carter asks softly, his hand stroking across his skin soothingly. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

He sounds concerned and Lee can't help but relish the fact that it's directed at him. He manages to tilt his head just enough to look at him, taking in the way Carter looks so much more relaxed than earlier, no trace of the day's frustrations left in his body. The only thing amiss is that little frown of worry on his face as he looks at Lee.

"No," Lee murmurs, intent on getting rid of that frown. "You did not hurt me."

Carter's eyes move from his, skimming down his body and his hand slides down his back again, tracing against skin that is surprisingly sore until Lee remembers the way Carter had dragged his nails down his back.

"I scratched you," Carter says, his fingers skimming along the marks again and Lee's eyes flutter closed at the touch without his permission.

"It's okay," he says because he thinks Carter might be feeling bad again. "I like it."

He hadn't meant to admit that but it's true. He likes having such a physical reminder of Carter, likes the idea of having evidence of what they have done on his skin.

When he opens his eyes, Carter is giving him an assessing look but then he breaks into a smile.

"It's always the quiet ones," he says and Lee doesn't really understand what he means but Carter strokes his hand down his back again and he is content to lie there and soak in every touch he can get, knowing that this moment won't last and clinging to it with everything he has.

_I love you_ , he wants to say but he keeps his mouth shut and lets Carter continue his slow stroking movements, basking in the attention and the warm feeling it sends curling through him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's more sex for you! This one was just a short little one but the next chapter's going to be much longer. Hopefully you still liked it though.
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	7. Chapter 7

Lee doesn't want to be here.

The music is too loud, there are too many people and he doesn't feel like socializing.

The only reason he's here at all is because Carter had turned those pleading brown eyes on him and begged him to come, told him it would be fun.

He can't say no to those eyes.

And now he is stuck on his own, sitting at a table near the bar and nursing his drink as he tries to ignore the way Carter is flirting with a beautiful woman just across the room.

She really is beautiful. He can't fault Carter for being attracted to her but it still hurts to see the easy way Carter smiles at her, a hint of flirtation in it. He's seen that smile before, has been on the receiving end of it himself, and he knows what it does to him, knows that he would do anything to keep Carter looking at him like that. It's painful to see him use it on someone else.

The woman is clearly attracted to Carter too. She leans in close, resting a casual hand on Carter's arm as she says something. Whatever she said has Carter laughing and something in Lee's gut twists unpleasantly, hot jealousy spiking through him.

He tightens his grip on his drink and tries to look at that instead of them. He knows he has no right to be jealous but he can't help himself and his heart aches as he wonders if this will be the person to take Carter away from him, to put an end to this arrangement they have between them.

His chest tightens at the thought and he feels guilty for it because he knows he has no right to feel that way. What he has with Carter is just about sex and that hurts but it's the truth of the matter. He knows that one day Carter will find someone he wants to be with and that will be the end of it. They will stop having sex and Lee will have to pretend that he doesn't know what Carter's mouth feels like against his own, that he doesn't know what Carter's body feels like pressed against his, that he doesn't know the sounds Carter makes when he's lost in the throes of passion or the way his hands can go from rough to gentle in a heartbeat.

He will have to pretend that he's happy for them, that he's not desperately and hopelessly in love with his best friend.

His eyes find Carter again, drawn as if by a magnet, and he can't help wondering if that day is closer than he had thought it was. He can almost hear Carter telling him that this has been fun but he has found someone he wants to commit to and that this won't be happening any more. His heart aches at the imagined words. He doesn't have Carter in the way he wants but he'll take whatever he can get from him and he doesn't want to lose what he does have, even if he's the only one it means anything to.

He sighs and averts his eyes again, unable to watch them any longer. He knows he's moping but he can't find it in himself to stop. He takes another sip of his drink and picks idly at the wood of the table, lost in his own head as he thinks about Carter and the future he wishes he could have.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around here before," a voice says nearby, startling him out of his thoughts, and he looks up to find a man with dark eyes and artfully disheveled hair standing next to him.

"I haven't been here before," he says, wondering why this man is talking to him when he clearly doesn't want company.

"Then we've been missing out," the man grins, leaning against the table and sending him a flirtatious look. _Oh_ , that's why.

He tries to figure out how to tell the man to go away. He really doesn't want to talk to anyone right now and he's certainly not interested in what this man is after.

"I'm George, by the way," the man says holding out a hand and Lee shakes it uncertainly, still trying to decide how to get rid of him. "So what are you doing here all on your own?"

Lee sighs. He just wants to be left alone to pine after Carter in peace. "A birthday party. Someone I work with," he says, keeping his answer to a minimum in the hopes that George will get bored of him and leave.

"And you're not celebrating with them?" George asks. "I'm surprised a man as handsome as you is on his own."

He looks Lee up and down, his intentions clear, and Lee wants to shy away from him.

"I do not feel like celebrating," he says, trying to convey the fact that he doesn't feel like talking to George either.

"That's a shame," George muses, either not getting the message or completely undeterred by it. "Maybe I can help."

He gives Lee a suggestive look and leans in closer. "Can I get you another drink?"

Lee frowns at him, shifting away from him in his seat, uncomfortable with how close he is.

"No, thank you," he forces himself to say politely. "I am not particularly interested in company at the moment."

That finally seems to get his meaning across because George blinks at him for a moment and then pulls back.

"Your loss," he says simply. Lee is about to say something back, perhaps something to explain that it's not George that's the problem but his own stupid, pining heart, but a touch at his elbow has him turning away to find Carter stood on his other side and really that ruins George's chances of getting any of his attention.

"Hey," Carter greets, sliding onto the seat next to him and taking a sip of his own drink.

For a heartbeat Lee forgets anything other than the fact that Carter is suddenly here with him instead of talking to the beautiful woman he had been with just now and he can't help smiling at Carter in relief.

"Hey," he responds, his mood immediately lifted just by Carter being there.

Then he remembers George's presence next to him and turns to find him looking at them with an expression of understanding.

For a moment Lee wishes he could take George up on his offer, wishes he could find someone that wasn't Carter, someone who wouldn't unknowingly break his heart with just a smile and a casual touch. But he knows he can't. It doesn't matter whether Carter feels the same way or not, Lee is completely lost to him.

"I'll see you around," George says, his eyes pitying, and Lee is grateful when he simply turns and leaves, grateful that the man he doesn't want is gone and the man he does want is right beside him.

"Who was that?" Carter asks and Lee turns to find his gaze following George across the bar, his lips pressed together in a thin line. If he didn't know better he would have said Carter didn't like George but he hadn't seemed to know him at all so that can't be right.

"He said his name was George," he shrugs. He doesn't really care. He has Carter with him now and that is so much better. His eyes find the woman Carter had been talking to and he tips his head towards her. "I thought you were talking to her."

He expects Carter to maybe flush and admit he said something stupid to drive her off as he has so many times before. He knows Carter doesn't always have the smoothest demeanor. He finds it incredibly endearing and he just can't understand why everyone else doesn't seem to think so too, although he supposes he wasn't exactly enamored with Carter himself when they first met.

What he gets instead though is a casual shrug of his shoulders.

"I just wasn't feelin' it y'know?" Carter says. He takes another sip of his drink and casts his eyes around the bar. Lee wonders dismally if he is looking for someone else to flirt with. He hopes not. He turns his gaze down to his own drink, not wanting to watch as Carter seeks out another pretty face to talk to, focuses instead on the warmth of Carter's thigh against his.

An elbow nudges him in the ribs and he looks up in surprise to find Carter looking at him.

"Hey, wanna get out of here?" he asks, a touch of heat in his eyes and a playful smile on his lips. It's clear what is on his mind and it sends a pleasant curl of desire through Lee.

" _Yes,_ " he says emphatically, relieved both that Carter wasn't looking for someone else and at the idea of finally leaving this place. Carter smiles at him and slides off his seat, finishing the last of his drink in one quick movement.

"Come on then," he grins and Lee is hopelessly lost.

He abandons his own drink and follows Carter as he makes his way across the room, weaving between people as he takes a winding route that leads them past the bar. He frowns in confusion when Carter stops there and waits for the attention of the bartender.

"I thought you wanted to leave," he says bemused as Carter leans casually on the bar.

"I do. But first..."

The bartender comes over to him then and Lee lets him get on with whatever he's up to. He lets his eyes wander around the bar, seeing a number of their colleagues laughing and drinking with each other. He sees Didi smiling and talking happily with a group of people he vaguely recognizes from the precinct, although he probably couldn't put names to faces.

She looks comfortable, happy, and Lee is glad that at least someone is enjoying this party because he just wants to get out of there as fast as he can. It's not his kind of place anyway but the look Carter had given him just a few minutes ago, as he asked him if he wanted to go, is still fresh in his mind and that has him wanting to get somewhere private where he can give in to the need itching under his skin and touch Carter as much as he likes without anyone seeing.

"All done. You ready?" Carter asks next to him and Lee turns to find him holding a large bottle of something undoubtedly alcoholic although it is swinging too much in Carter's hand for him to read the label.

"Ready," he says, eyeing the bottle curiously. Carter grins at him and turns to lead the way out. He pushes the door of the bar open and they emerge into the still night air. They can still hear the sound of the music and people in the bar but it is muted out here and Lee is relieved to be away from it all.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me what this is for?" Carter asks as he walks towards the road, the bottle swinging in his hand.

"What is it for?" Lee asks dutifully and Carter gives him a satisfied look.

"I'm gonna show you what body shots are," he says with a mischievous smile and a suggestive wink.

Lee has never heard the term before but he's pretty sure he can figure it out and the thought sends a wave of desire through him.

"Okay," he agrees eagerly and Carter laughs as he flags down a cab.

"Oh man, this is gonna be great," he grins looking incredibly pleased with himself and Lee has to stop himself from stepping in close and kissing him, from pressing his hands to every part of Carter he can reach.

He follows him into the cab and resigns himself to waiting until they get back to Carter's. He counts his breaths to try to steady himself but he's really not helped by the way Carter slides a warm hand onto his thigh in the darkness of the cab and slowly inches it higher as they get closer to his apartment.

It seems like he has to wait an age for the cab to pull up outside Carter's apartment, his heart rate speeding up as Carter's hand edges ever further up his thigh, but eventually they are there and Carter is paying the driver. His hand finds Lee's wrist in the darkness, curling around it, and then he is pulling him out of the cab, tugging him in the direction of the building.

Lee follows him inside happily, lets himself be pulled along as they make their way up to Carter's apartment. Carter is smiling and relaxed, his hand still warm on Lee's wrist. It has Lee wanting to press him against the wall and kiss him but he knows that's against the rules. They can't be seen doing anything like that. Carter had made that clear enough when this first started.

Even Carter's hand around his wrist is a risk they don't usually take but Carter doesn't seem to think twice about it and Lee isn't going to be the first to pull away, doesn't want to part his skin from Carter's touch for even a moment if he doesn't have to.

They reach the apartment and Carter has to pull his hand away then to fumble with his keys and unlock the door, his other hand still clasping the bottle he had bought at the bar. Lee misses his touch immediately but the moment they are inside and the door is shut behind them, Carter is pressing forward into his space, smiling playfully.

Lee loves that smile more than he could possibly say and his heart flutters at the sight of it. One of Carter's hands curls around the back of his neck, pulling him down so that he can kiss him, and Lee feels that smile against his mouth. He licks at Carter's lips, traces his smile with his tongue and tries to memorize the feel of it, just as he has done so many times before.

Carter's mouth opens against his, deepening the kiss for a few heated seconds, and then he is pulling away, one hand tugging at Lee's belt loops as he steers him towards the bedroom, the bottle swinging merrily in his other hand.

It doesn't take long for their clothes to end up scattered across the floor and then they are both naked and Carter is pressing him down on the bed, crawling into his lap and kissing him, slow and languid in a way that makes Lee shiver against him.

Carter breaks the kiss with an easy smile and Lee can't tear his eyes away, can only look up at him and trace his hands over warm skin. He watches as Carter reaches for the bottle that is lying on the bed nearby and gets it open quickly with deft hands. He kisses Lee again briefly, their tongues sliding together, and then he is pulling away again.

He guides Lee's head back, one hand cradling the base of his skull, and raises the bottle. Lee feels cool liquid against his collar bone and then Carter's mouth is there, licking and sucking at his skin as he laps it up, his tongue a heated contrast against the cold alcohol.

Lee shivers at the feel of it, makes a breathless sound as Carter switches sides and pours more into the dip between his shoulder and collarbone on the other side of his throat. Carter's mouth seals over the area, sucking at the liquid and then mouthing at the area when it is gone, lavishing his skin with heated attention that Lee can't get enough of.

He feels hot all over, wants to feel Carter's mouth on every inch of his skin. He slides a hand up Carter's back, needing to feel him as his mouth slides up Lee's throat to press a slow kiss to his pulse point. His mouth moves higher and then they are kissing, open mouthed and wanting.

Carter grinds his hips down once and Lee moans at the feeling, runs his hands down heated skin to grasp at his hips.

"Carter," he gasps out when their mouths part and Carter sends him a satisfied smile. He tips the bottle up to his mouth and Lee watches as he takes a swig, can't stop himself from leaning up to press his lips to his throat and feel the bob of it as he swallows. He hears Carter groan low in his throat, feels the vibrations of it against his lips, and it sends a surge of heat through him.

He pulls back to see Carter take another mouthful but this time he doesn't swallow. He leans down to press their mouths together and when his lips part against Lee's the liquid comes flooding into his mouth. He doesn't know what it is but it tastes sweet and it sends a pleasant warmth through him as he swallows it down, licking at his lips when Carter sits back again.

"Good?" Carter asks, looking like he already knows the answer, and Lee nods. Carter grins at him and fills his mouth again, ducking his head to press their lips together once more and share the drink with him, kissing him sloppily the moment Lee has swallowed as much as he can. It's messy and more than a little of it runs down their chins but they are both more than happy to lick the excess from each other's skin, trading careless kisses as they do.

Carter chases an errant droplet down Lee's neck, mouths down his throat as he follows its path and Lee gasps breathlessly as his tongue trails across sensitive skin. He's filled with a pleasurable mixture of warmth from the alcohol and need from the feeling of Carter's body pressed against his. He wants more, wants to taste Carter's skin and see if he has the same reaction Lee is having, wants to make Carter feel like this too.

He rolls them easily, pressing Carter into the sheets and reaching out to take the bottle from his hand. Carter makes a pleased sound at the move, relinquishes the bottle willingly and Lee doesn't waste a moment. He tips the bottle up and pours a line down Carter's chest, follows its path with his mouth as he licks it all up greedily, hungry for the taste of his skin and the warmth of his body beneath him. He nips gently at the skin just below his breastbone and slides a hand up his side, fingers fanning out across his ribs as he presses his teeth teasingly into Carter's skin in a way he knows always drives him crazy. He follows the action with a long swipe of his tongue, pressing it firmly against him as he licks up the last of the liquid.

Carter moans and his hands grasp at Lee's shoulders, trying to pull him even closer.

"Fuck, I knew you'd be good at this," he says and Lee smiles into his skin, presses a slow dragging kiss against his navel. He pours more liquid into his belly button and then presses his mouth to it, feeling Carter's hands clench on his shoulders as he licks and licks until it is all gone.

Carter makes a helpless sound beneath him and Lee sits back to look at him, takes in the way Carter's skin glistens along the path his mouth had taken. He traces his fingers down that path, watching the way Carter's chest rises and falls with each breath.

He looks stunning like this and Lee wants him so badly that he has to take a deep breath to steady himself. He leans down and presses against him, slotting their mouths together to kiss him heatedly because it's suddenly desperately important that he feel Carter's mouth on his. Carter's tongue slides against his and Lee moans into the kiss, rolls his hips down in a desperate search for friction.

One of Carter's hands slides down to his ass, palm pressing flat against his skin as he urges him on, and Lee keeps a slow, steady rhythm that has them both gasping. He breaks the kiss and presses the bottle to Carter's mouth instead, pouring the alcohol into his open mouth and then sealing their lips together again to taste it on his tongue.

He thrusts his hips down again, sliding their cocks together, and Carter pants and moans beneath him, their kisses turning uncoordinated as they try to gasp for breath at the same time. Arousal is singing through his whole body and he knows it won't take much longer if they carry on like this.

But then one of Carter's hands is pressing flat against Lee's chest, pushing him back.

"Not yet," Carter gasps, looking up at him with dark eyes. "Not before I get to do this."

He pushes at Lee and rolls them so that he is straddling him. Lee whines at the loss of friction against his cock because Carter's hips are staying still now as he sits on top of him, but Carter makes up for it by grabbing the bottle from him and pouring a generous amount down Lee's chest.

His mouth follows moments after and Lee pants for breath at the feel of it, heat burning under his skin as Carter laps at his chest.

"Wanted to do this to you for so long," Carter groans into his skin. "These _muscles_."

He slides his hands down Lee's chest, smearing the liquid in their wake and tracing his fingertips down his abs. His expression is heated as his eyes follow his hands, and it has Lee feeling overwhelmed that Carter is looking at him like that, looking at him with such naked desire that it sends a bolt of heat straight through him.

"You should have asked sooner," he manages to say breathlessly, because it's true; Carter could have asked at any point and he would have given him this willingly.

Carter's eyes meet his, pupils blown wide with arousal, and he swears emphatically.

"Didn't know I could," he admits, eyeing the remaining liquid that is smeared across Lee's chest.

"You can ask for anything," Lee finds himself saying quietly before he can stop himself.

Carter looks surprised for a moment and Lee curses himself for letting his mouth run away from him, for letting himself say something that sounds far too sincere and dangerously close to the line they have drawn between them. He can only hope that Carter won't realise the depth of truth behind it, that he won't understand that he could ask for anything from Lee, related to sex or not, and Lee would want to grant it with every fibre of his being.

But then Carter grins at him, his smile bright and devastatingly beautiful, and Lee lets out a relieved breath that the painful honesty of his words seem to have been lost on him.

"Can we do this again sometime?" Carter asks, his expression loose and playful.

"Whenever you want," Lee answers simply and Carter laughs.

"You start making promises like that and I might never let you leave," he grins and Lee wants to tell him that he would be perfectly content with that, would never leave this moment if he could have his way.

But then Carter's mouth is back on his chest and all thought of the wild promises and declarations he wants to make are driven from his thoughts at the feeling of a hot tongue sliding down his breastbone.

He groans and curls a hand around the back of Carter's head, making sounds of encouragement that can't even class as words. Carter laps at every inch of his chest, driving him into a hazy fog of arousal with each touch and pulling desperate noises from his throat. He's achingly hard and his hips twitch without a thought from him as he searches helplessly for relief.

"Carter," he moans as heated kisses are trailed across his chest, and warm hands tease at his skin with lingering touches that send him reeling with need. " _Please_."

Carter's mouth pulls away from his chest and then he is kissing him, deep and needy. His hips roll down against Lee's, their cocks dragging against each other, and Lee moans at the friction and the jolt of arousal that shoots through him.

They rock against each other, all heated skin and gasping moans, their hands clutching at any part of the other that they can reach as they kiss messily. Lee feels like he's coming apart at the seams, his whole body a thrumming mass of need as he thrusts up against Carter, feels the hot, hard slide of his cock.

They kiss until they are too breathless to continue and then they simply pant into each other's mouths, making desperate sounds of pleasure as they near the edge together.

" _Lee,_ " Carter chokes out and then they are both coming, hands tightening as they hang on to each other and ride out wave after blissful wave of their release.

When he comes back to himself, Lee finds Carter slumped half on top of him, his head resting against Lee's shoulder and one hand splayed on his chest. One of Lee's arms is around Carter's waist and he keeps it there, wanting to enjoy this moment before Carter inevitably pulls away, wanting to hold him close and never let him go.

They catch their breaths together, chests heaving, and Lee can feel each of Carter's breaths against the skin of his neck. Seconds pass and then minutes and they stay just like that, Lee's racing heart gradually slowing to a steadier pace as he holds Carter against him. It's wonderfully comfortable, being this close to him in the aftermath of sex, and he knows Carter will pull away when he has caught his breath but at the same time he knows that it's unlike Carter to stay this close for so long and it's enough to make his heart flutter in his chest so he lets himself enjoy it. It would have been even more enjoyable if it weren't for the fact that his skin feels sticky from the alcohol Carter had been pouring onto him and he imagines Carter is just the same.

He slides a hand down Carter's side, fingertips dragging along the side of his stomach where they are not quite pressed together and he can feel the sticky residue there.

"We're going to need a shower," he says, his hand coming to rest against Carter's hip, and Carter laughs against his shoulder, his body still relaxed against Lee's.

"Already thinking ahead to the next round. I like that about you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's another chapter and this one was longer than the previous one so hopefully you approved of that!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update's a little later than usual but then it's a longer chapter so there's that. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it!

"Oh man, this is the best bit coming up," Gerald says enthusiastically from his end of the couch. He elbows Carter in the ribs and Lee feels the sway of Carter's body on the other side of him. He can only be grateful that Carter had ended up between them so that he's not the one being elbowed at every exciting part of the movie.

Carter makes a tired sound at being jostled and when Lee looks across he is visibly struggling to keep his eyes open. He's not sure how Carter can even begin to doze off with Gerald next to him, constantly nudging him and talking over the action on screen, but maybe he's just had enough practice over the years.

"Just you wait, Lee. You're gonna love this part," Gerald carries on.

"I doubt it," Lee tells him. "This whole movie is terrible."

Gerald makes an offended sound at that. "Man, how could you say that? This right here is a classic! A classic! Man you ain't got no taste. Carter, tell him he ain't got no taste."

"Mmmm you ain't got no taste," Carter tells him sleepily.

"You are half asleep. Do you even know what he is talking about?" Lee asks him but Carter just hums tiredly in response, his head tipping sideways onto Lee's shoulder as he falls completely asleep.

For a moment Lee can only stare, caught off guard and frozen against him. Carter is closer than he has ever been with other people present and he can't help the rush of warmth that flows through him at the feeling of Carter pressed against him, at the sight of Carter sleeping comfortably against his shoulder.

He knows that just a few months ago he would have pushed Carter away, woken him without a qualm and told him to stop using him as a pillow, but he looks so peaceful right then that he can't make himself do it. He just wants to stay like that for as long as he can with Carter's warmth spreading into him and a glow of contentment in his chest.

"Oh yeah, did you see that!" Gerald exclaims suddenly and Lee's attention is snatched away from Carter, which is probably for the best because he was starting to get lost in him. He turns his eyes back to the screen that Gerald is so enthusiastically gesturing at and sees that the characters are currently engaged in an epic showdown with the villain. "Man, you gotta admit that was cool as hell, right?"

Lee just sighs in exasperation and turns his eyes towards Didi who is usually his support against Gerald and Carter when they start trying to convince him about the merits of their favorite movies and he has shared many an understanding look with her that says their friends are ridiculous. This time though he doesn't get the sympathetic look or the roll of her eyes that he is expecting.

"Hey, I'm with Gerald on this one," she says with a grin and Lee sighs again at being outnumbered. He watches as her eyes stray to the way Carter is leaning against him, her expression turning fond and just a little bit assessing, and he can't help remembering the conversation he had with her not so long ago where she had told him she knew he was falling for Carter.

"You know, you could wake him up if you're not comfortable," she says, an almost question in her voice, and Lee feels like any answer he comes up with will give away far more than he wants. He shrugs with the shoulder Carter isn't currently using as a pillow, trying to seem casual about the whole situation.

"I do not mind," he says, hoping she can't see that he wants desperately for Carter to stay where he is. "Besides, if he is awake he will only side with you against me."

He lets a dissatisfied expression form on his face and Didi laughs.

"Hell yeah, he would," Gerald says happily. "And he'd be right 'cause this movie's the greatest. You ain't got no idea, man. This caliber of acting is wasted on you!"

Lee rolls his eyes but doesn't argue the point any further. He's learnt by now that there's nothing that will dissuade Gerald from his opinion on this and he'd rather focus on the way Carter is slumped against him, his head a comfortable weight on his shoulder and his breathing low and quiet near his ear. So he turns his eyes back to the television but he doesn't pay any attention to it. Instead he soaks in everything he can about this moment with Carter, his mind completely absorbed in the quiet intimacy of their positioning.

He imagines what it would be like to pull Carter into his arms on one of these evenings with their friends, to be allowed to hold him in front of other people and not have to hide the way he feels. He wants it, wants it so badly that his chest grows tight with longing, and he hates that he has that reaction to these kinds of thoughts, hates that he can't stop thinking them and tearing himself apart with the knowledge that he can never have any of the things that he yearns for.

"Ohhhh!" Gerald suddenly cries out, pointing excitedly at the screen and ripping him out of his own thoughts. "Now tell me that ain't the most kickass thing you ever seen."

It's most definitely not the most kickass thing he's ever seen because the character on screen has just executed a death defying move that is so unrealistic it's almost laughable.

"It is not possible to do that," Lee says but Gerald doesn't seem at all deterred.

"Who even cares, man? It looks cool as hell! You just ain't got no appreciation for the good things in life."

"Like highly inaccurate movies?"

"Exactly, man. You know not everything's gotta be perfect, right? Sometimes people just gotta get away from stuff and have some fun." He gestures at the screen. "This right here is fun. You even know the meaning of that word?"

Lee huffs at that. "Of course I do."

"Really? 'Cause no offence man, but you don't seem to get out much. When's the last time you had a good time?"

Lee hesitates at that. The honest answer to that question is the previous night but saying that would lead to Gerald wanting to know what he was doing and Lee doesn't think any of them are ready for the truthful explanation, which involves a very naked and enthusiastic Carter and the wonderful, blissful things he can do with his hands.

He definitely can't say that in front of Gerald and Didi.

"I have fun," he says instead and it comes out more defensive than anything else, earning him a disbelieving look from Gerald.

"Man, we gotta get you out more. Okay, here's the plan. There's this big party happening at this place I know tomorrow night. I'm thinking we get a load of shots in you and find you someone sexy to dance with, get you a little fun."

"I think I'll pass."

"And hey, I'm the best at finding booty. Sexy people just flock to me, y'know? You just tell me your type and I'll find you someone, I swear. I'm like the king of booty."

"I don't want you to find me someone," Lee tells him, feeling slightly alarmed at the thought and even more alarmed at that self given title. The only person he wants right now is currently sleeping against his shoulder and he certainly doesn't want Gerald trying to set him up with random strangers. He turns pleading eyes on Didi in the hope that she will help him out of this because Gerald doesn't look at all dissuaded by that and he knows that if it goes much further Gerald will become impossible to stop.

"Okay, Gerald," she intercedes quickly just as Gerald is opening his mouth again. "I don't think Lee's up for that. Maybe another time alright?"

"Fine whatever, man," Gerald answers, looking slightly disappointed. "You just say the word and I'll hook you up though, yeah?"

"I will keep it in mind," Lee tells him although he intends to do no such thing and Gerald at least looks mollified by that.

"See that you do, man!" he says and Lee seriously hopes that will be the end of it. "Alright guys, I gotta go." He stands up and Lee notices that the movie has ended while he wasn't paying attention, the credits now scrolling up the screen.

"Night, Gerald," Didi says with a smile and Gerald grins back at her.

"Night, Didi. Night, Lee." He leans down to pat a hand against Carter's arm. "Night, Cuz."

Carter doesn't respond, still fast asleep, but he does turn his face slightly further into Lee's shoulder, sending a shiver of warmth through him.

"I said 'night, Cuz'," Gerald repeats, shaking Carter's arm in an attempt to wake him and Lee has the sudden protective urge to push his hands away and stop him from disturbing Carter but he squashes that urge before he can do something too obvious.

"Leave him alone, Gerald," Didi laughs, amusement in her eyes as she watches them, but Gerald doesn't listen to her.

He holds his hands close to Carter's ear and then claps them together loudly, leaning in to shout "Carter!" at the same time. Lee flinches at the sudden volume of his voice but it is nothing compared to Carter's reaction because he jolts violently as he startles awake, a shocked yelp falling from his lips.

"Wha's happening?" he gasps out but then his eyes fall on Gerald and it seems to slot into place in his eyes. "What the hell man!" he exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at him and Gerald laughs loudly, looking overwhelmingly pleased with himself.

"Hey, you're awake, Cuz. I was just sayin' I gotta go and-"

"Damn right I'm awake," Carter says. "And something tells me that's your fault." He stands up and Gerald takes a couple of steps back, still smiling broadly.

"Hey, man, you don't gotta be like that," he starts.

"I'ma kick your ass," Carter threatens, darting forward and Gerald turns tail and runs, Carter chasing after him, both laughing and shouting over the other as they disappear from sight.

"I don't know how they have the energy," Didi laughs as they listen to the sounds of them disappearing out the front door at a run.

"They are like children," Lee responds, going for disapproving but there is something fond in his voice that he can't quite hide.

"You can say that again. Honestly, Lee, it's like we're the only adults in this place!" They share an amused and agreeing look, and then there is the sound of the front door closing and footsteps making their way back into the lounge. Lee turns his head to watch as Carter walks back in, looking satisfied.

"Did you catch him?" Didi asks and Carter grins.

"Oh yeah, I caught him. And he regrets ever waking me up." He throws himself back down on the couch next to Lee and tips his head to the side to look at him. "So you enjoy the movie?"

"It was truly terrible," Lee tells him honestly and Carter pulls a face at him.

"Man, there's something wrong with you," he says with a huff. "They didn't program you right or something."

His expression is petulant but there is a fondness lacing his tone that makes Lee's heart skitter in his chest and he can't help smiling at him for a moment before that moment is broken by Didi standing up.

"Okay, I'm going to bed," she says, covering her mouth to hide a yawn. "Are you staying here, Carter? The couch is yours if you want it."

"Yeah, I think I will," Carter replies, stretching languidly in a way that has Lee working to keep his eyes on Carter's face instead of the sliver of skin the action exposes at his waist as his shirt rides up. He's so distracted that he doesn't even notice Didi is gone until she returns with a pile of bedding in her arms and sets it down on the couch beside Carter.

"Here you go. You know where everything else is if you need anything."

"Thanks, Didi," Carter smiles up at her, reaching for the bedding to start setting up the couch.

"No problem. You're always welcome here," she answers warmly, starting to turn away again. "Goodnight you two," she says over her shoulder and they call their goodnights after her as she disappears towards her room.

"I should be going to bed too," Lee says once they are alone and Carter nods.

"Okay, man," he says, patting a hand against Lee's thigh in a casual action that sends a spark of heat through him, and Lee has to make himself stand up before he does something stupid like touching Carter in return.

"Goodnight, Carter," he says, trying to ignore the flicker of attraction that itches under his skin, whispering to him to press in close and kiss him the way he wants to.

"Night, Lee," Carter murmurs, looking up at him with a soft smile and Lee turns away so that he can't be pulled in by that smile. It's unfair the affect Carter has on him without even meaning to and as he retreats to his bedroom he can't help wishing that they were at Carter's so that he could do something about the faint tendril of desire that is creeping through him.

He closes his bedroom door behind him and takes a deep, steadying breath, letting his eyes slip shut and trying to forget that Carter is just through that door. When he feels a bit less like he wants to march out there and press Carter into the couch so that he can kiss him breathless he opens his eyes again and starts getting ready for bed.

~~~

He is woken just an hour or so later by the sound of his bedroom door handle turning and he holds his breath, tipping his head back to watch as the door inches open slowly and Carter appears around the edge of it, his face illuminated in the sliver of moonlight that shines through the tiny gap in the curtains. He lets out the breath he is holding as Carter carefully closes the door behind him and pads over to the bed.

"Carter, what are you doing?" he asks, keeping his voice low, as Carter nears him and Carter grins impishly in the near darkness.

"Couldn't sleep so I thought I'd come visit you," he whispers. Then he is lifting the edge of the covers and sliding in on top of Lee, straddling his waist, and Lee makes a startled sound at the move.

"Carter!" he hisses as Carter settles in his lap, his hands coming to rest on Lee's bare chest.

"Yeah?"

"We can't do this here!"

"Why not?"

"Because what if someone hears us?" Lee asks trying to ignore the way one of Carter's hands strokes down his chest, fingertips warm against his skin.

"They're both asleep," Carter murmurs, leaning in close to brush their lips together, slow and seductive. It's difficult to resist and Lee lets him steal an unhurried kiss before pushing him back again.

"What if they wake up? What if Didi finds out what we're doing?" he asks, his voice hushed in the darkness. "What if Derrick hears us?"

"We'll just have to be quiet," Carter tells him, a mischievous glint in his eyes. He ducks his head to mouth at Lee's throat and then trails his lips back to Lee's ear. "Do you think you can manage that?"

His voice is low, barely audible and Lee can feel the vibration of it against his skin. He shivers at the feel of it, at the feel of the desire Carter stirs in him so easily.

"We shouldn't..." he says but it sounds half hearted even to his own ears and when Carter's lips touch his again his mouth opens easily to let him in. They kiss deeply, languidly, and Carter's fingers start to trace the muscles of his chest, leaving trails of heat across his skin.

"Carter," Lee breathes when they part and he's not sure if he's trying to stop him or encourage him. His hand curls in the fabric of Carter's shirt and he looks up at him in the darkness, trying to figure out if he should be doing this. The very idea of Didi or Derrick overhearing them is mortifying but his mind is already spinning with Carter's proximity and the way he is touching him. "Carter," he whispers again, his other hand dropping to Carter's waist and Carter meets his eyes in the dim light.

"If you want me to go, I will," he says softly and Lee knows this is the tipping point, where he has to decide whether this is happening. "I'm not gonna push you into this if you don't want to."

He tries to pull himself together, to drag his thoughts away from the warmth of Carter against him and the comfortable weight of him in his lap for long enough to actually consider that but it's difficult when they are in such an intimate position and he can still taste Carter's tongue in his mouth. He must take too long thinking though because Carter starts to pull away, mumbling an apology, but as he moves Lee's hand tightens automatically on his waist, holding onto him and stopping him from going anywhere.

"Does that mean you want me to stay?" Carter asks quietly, stilling on top of him, and Lee slides a hand up to curl around the back of his neck, knowing what the sensible thing to say is but also knowing that he's not going to take the sensible option.

"Yes," he answers and the hushed sound of his voice seems incredibly intimate in that moment. He uses the hand on Carter's neck to tug him down into another kiss, one which Carter willingly gives in to.

The kiss deepens and soon they are kissing hungrily, hands roaming over warm skin as they try not to make too much sound. Their breathing alone sounds overly loud in the still of the night and Lee is hyper aware of every noise they make. Carter rolls his hips down against Lee's and Lee makes a low sound in his throat that has Carter shushing him, making the sound against his lips before kissing him again.

Lee shivers at the hot slide of his tongue and slips his hands up under Carter's t shirt, running them up his back and feeling the heat of his skin and the curve of his spine. He pulls him closer and kisses him harder, exploring Carter's mouth thoroughly as he starts to lose himself in him. It's intoxicating and he's not sure if it's the fact that it's dark, or that there is the risk of being caught, or maybe it's the fact that for the first time they are doing this in Lee's bed and that somehow makes it feel all the more real, like this isn't just some dreamlike fantasy that only happens within the confines of Carter's apartment.

He tugs at the hem of Carter's t shirt, pulling it up and over his head. Carter lifts his arms helpfully to aid him but as he lowers them again one of his elbows knocks against the wall with a sudden thud and they both freeze, even as Carter's t shirt drops from Lee's hand to the floor.

Lee holds his breath, listening for any sign that someone has heard them but the house is silent and he lets the breath out in a woosh that Carter immediately shushes him for, a tremor of laughter in the sound as he giggles quietly against him. The sound has Lee's mouth pulling up into a smile and they both grin at each other for a moment before Carter rubs ruefully at his elbow.

"You're bed is far too small for this," he whispers, still smiling, and Lee has to acknowledge that his single bed is definitely not as good as Carter's double for this kind of thing.

"Not much I can do about that right now," he answers and then pulls him down to kiss that smiling mouth. Carter makes a quiet sound against him, leaning down on top of him so that their bare chests press together, and the kiss quickly turns hungry as they cling to each other.

Everything seems heightened in that moment, whether by the darkness or just by their pure need for each other, and Lee feels overwhelmed by it all, losing himself in each heated touch and each slide of their mouths. One of Carter's hands slips down his chest to toy with the waistband of his pants and Lee gasps into his mouth, trying desperately to suppress any further sounds.

Carter's fingertips are just slipping under the fabric when a sudden knock on the door has them both jumping in surprise, freezing against each other once more. For a moment all Lee can do is stare up into Carter's startled eyes and then the knock sounds again.

Lee clears his throat quickly, trying to pull himself together enough to answer, still achingly aware of the way Carter's hand is pressed low down against his stomach.

"Yes?" he manages to call out, his voice strained and he feels Carter giggle silently against him. He swats at him with one hand but that just seems to make matters worse and he can feel Carter shivering with barely suppressed laughter on top of him, his breaths fast as he buries his head against Lee's neck to hide the sound.

"Uncle Lee?" a young voice calls out and Lee shuts his eyes in dismay because of course it had to be Derrick. "Is Uncle Carter in there. The couch is made up so I thought..." He trails off sounding uncertain.

"Yes, he's in here," Lee calls out because what else can he say? "We're just uh... watching a movie."

Carter lets out a slightly louder laugh at that and Lee pokes him in the side.

"This is your fault," he hisses at him and Carter manages to get his laughter under control long enough to sit back and pout at him.

"Why's it my fault?"

"Because it was your idea," Lee tells him and Carter grins.

"It was a very good idea," he murmurs, leaning in close and Lee's heart flips in his chest.

"Uncle Carter?" Derrick calls through the door and Carter sits up again, leaving Lee laying dazed beneath him at the seductive tone Carter's voice had taken.

"Yeah, what's up? Everything okay?" Carter asks, his hands resting on Lee's chest to steady himself.

"I had a nightmare," is the slightly sheepish response and Carter sighs and looks down at Lee.

"Rain check?" he asks quietly and Lee nods quickly in agreement. He starts to sit up, Carter still in his lap, and Carter leans in to steal one last chaste kiss before clambering off of him. "Come on," he says, stroking a hand down Lee's arm as he goes. "If I have to stay up half the night with him then you do too."

He leans down to snatch up his t shirt from the floor, pulling it on quickly as he heads for the door, and Lee watches him open the door slightly and slip out, closing it behind him to give Lee a minute of privacy.

"Hey little man. Come and tell Uncle Carter all about it," he hears Carter say followed by the sounds of them both moving into the lounge.

Sat in the darkness, Lee takes a few deep breaths to try and banish the warm desire that is still humming in his veins. He can only be glad that they hadn't been any further into what they were planning to do and he runs a hand over his face at the very thought of being caught just a few minutes later. Carter is clearly a bad influence on him because he never would have agreed to that kind of thing before he met him.

When he emerges from his bedroom a few minutes later, he finds Carter and Derrick sat on the couch, the blanket that had been part of Carter's bedding spread across their legs. They are just starting an episode of what Lee recognizes as one of Derrick's favorite cartoons, the volume turned down low so that they won't disturb Didi.

"Hey, man," Carter says when he sees Lee come around the side of the couch. "We're gonna watch cartoons until Derrick falls asleep. Come sit down."

He gestures to the space on the other side of Derrick and Lee obediently sits down so that they have Derrick sitting comfortably between them.

"Hey so remind me what this one's about," Carter says to Derrick as the theme song starts playing. "The robots are the bad guys right?"

Lee gives him a curious look at that because he's sure Carter knows exactly what this show is about but as Derrick answers and Carter keeps asking more questions it becomes clear that he is keeping him distracted from whatever his nightmare had been about.

Lee watches them, content to simply listen to their hushed voices as they chatter happily about robots and superheroes. Carter has a fond look on his face as he talks to Derrick and Lee can't help the similar look that he knows is forming on his own face.

It's endlessly endearing watching the way Carter interacts with Derrick, the playful and affectionate way he is with him. It's clear that he loves him like family, even if they aren't related by blood and Lee doesn't think he'll ever tire of seeing the way Carter loves this little family he has made for himself, the way he loves Gerald and Didi and Derrick so much that he would do anything for them.

Carter looks up at him then with a warm smile, still mid conversation with Derrick, and Lee knows that he's part of that family too now. It is written so clearly through that smile that for a moment his chest is tight with it because he's not used to having people and sometimes the knowledge that he now has family other than Kim is enough to throw him for a loop, sheer gratitude overwhelming him.

He has to duck his head to hide the smile that tugs at his lips at the sight of that look on Carter's face and when he looks up a minute later it is to see a gently affectionate look in Carter's eyes as he turns his face away to focus back on Derrick. It's enough to have Lee feeling even more smitten than he already was and he can't stop himself from watching Carter as he smiles at Derrick and ruffles his hair, a playful spark in his eyes before he is looking at the television again.

Derrick seems to relax as the episode plays out and Carter's questions start to taper off as he lets him sit in peace instead but Lee sees the way he darts an occasional look at the young boy to check on him.

There's something peaceful and domestic about sitting there on the couch watching cartoons in the middle of the night with Derrick sandwiched between them and Lee tips his head against the back of the couch and lets himself soak it all in. He doesn't think either of them need him there really but it's nice to be included and he drinks in the warm feeling of family, starting to drift drowsily as the lateness of the hour begins to catch up with him despite how awake he had been not so long ago with Carter's lips pressed against his.

He is so content in that moment as he slips into a hazy doze, the sounds of cartoon battling fading slowly into the background, and his eyes are starting to slip closed as he edges ever closer to sleep.

He is pulled out of it by a gentle hand on his shoulder, nudging him awake carefully, and he blinks his eyes open to find Carter looking at him.

"Hey," Carter says softly and Lee tries to force himself fully back to wakefulness.

"Hey," he responds tiredly and Carter's hand pulls away from his shoulder.

"He's asleep," he says, nodding downwards and Lee looks down to see Derrick leaning against Carter's arm, his eyes closed as he sleeps peacefully.

"How long's it been?" Lee asks, wondering how long he was out.

"Not long. He goes down real quick. Just needed distracting a bit first," Carter replies and Lee wonders how often he's done this. "Come on, let's get the little man back to bed."

He slides his arms around Derrick, supporting him carefully as he lifts him into his arms and stands up with him, and Lee watches as he starts to walk slowly back towards Derrick's room. Derrick stirs slightly at being moved but Carter hushes him gently and he doesn't wake. Lee follows quietly and leans in the doorway as he watches Carter tuck him into bed, pulling the covers over him with a tenderness that has Lee smiling fondly.

"You are very good with him," he says quietly when Carter slips back out of the room and Carter smiles softly.

"It's my job. I'm the cool uncle," he says with a wink, one of his hands curling around Lee's wrist to tug him away from the doorway. "And in case you're wondering, you're the uncool uncle."

Lee frowns at that as he lets himself be towed along. "Why am I uncool?"

"Dude you like architecture. You help him with his math homework and actually enjoy it. You wanted to read that ridiculous book about the history of the law in America."

"I did read it."

"Seriously?"

"Why is that a surprise?"

"You know what, you're right. It's not. But seriously, Lee, all of that is what makes you uncool. I bet you even read all the assigned reading during training."

"You did not?" Lee asks, throwing him a judging look but not at all surprised that he didn't.

"Not the point, Lee," Carter says quickly as they stop outside his room. "Point is I'm clearly the cool one and you're clearly the uncool one."

"I'm skilled in martial arts," Lee argues. "That is cool."

"Yeah but Derrick don't usually get to see that does he?" Carter grins. "Look I'm just telling it how it is, man." He shrugs casually, still smiling up at him and Lee sighs, deciding he's not going to win this one.

"We should go to bed," he tells him and Carter gives him a quick look up and down.

"Hell yeah we should," he says, stepping in close and Lee's mouth twitches in amusement as he presses a hand to his shoulder to keep him back.

"Not like that, Carter."

"But we were having so much fun earlier," Carter pouts.

"And we were almost caught."

"But we weren't."

"But we could have been."

"But we _weren't_ ," Carter repeats, voice low and persuasive as he looks up at Lee with a touch of heat in his eyes. It's tempting, so very tempting, but Lee knows that they can't.

"Carter," he says seriously and Carter pulls a face at him.

"Fine," he sighs mournfully. "I'll go sleep on the couch... all on my own."

"I am not going to feel sorry for you," Lee tells him in amusement. "You are perfectly capable of sleeping on your own."

"It's not sleeping I had in mind," Carter says suggestively, breaking into a grin. He darts a look into Lee's darkened bedroom. "Are you sure we can't..."

"I'm sure," Lee says quickly, pressing his hands to Carter's shoulders and spinning him around before nudging him in the direction of the couch. Carter chuckles quietly, taking a couple of steps before turning around.

"Can't blame me for trying," he smiles and Lee really wants to kiss that smile. "One last thing though..."

"What?" Lee asks, watching him affectionately and Carter's smile widens. Then he is surging forward and reaching up to bury his hands in Lee's hair, hauling him down into a hungry kiss as he presses against him. The momentum of his movement pushes Lee back into the door frame and he makes a startled sound that is muffled by Carter's mouth. He knows he should pull away but he's always had trouble resisting Carter and he is so swept up in the sudden onslaught that he can't make himself do it.

Instead he finds himself kissing back eagerly, his hands settling on Carter's hips as he pulls him in close. He is dimly aware that they are stood out in the open outside his room and that if Didi or Derrick were to get up they could see them but that all seems so unimportant compared to the taste of Carter's mouth and the feel of his tongue against his. He tilts his head slightly, as much as he can when Carter's fingers are woven through his hair, and changes the angle of the kiss as their lips slide demandingly together. It's dizzying and he can't get enough of it but all too soon Carter is pulling away with a satisfied smile, his lips wet and shining.

"What was that for?" Lee gasps breathlessly as Carter steps back, leaving him leaning dazed and confused against the door frame.

"Just reminding you what you're missing out on," Carter says with the trace of a smirk, looking pleased with himself as Lee tries to force himself upright again. For a moment, Lee can only gape at him, his thoughts still well and truly scattered, and then Carter is turning away, looking far too pleased with himself. "Night, Lee," he says over his shoulder and then he is sauntering away to the couch.

Lee watches him go, more than a little thrown by what has just happened and he only manages to pull himself out of it when Carter reaches the couch and glances back at him, smiling when he sees Lee still stood there. It's enough to jolt him back to alertness and he manages to take the few steps necessary into his bedroom and shut the door behind him with a quiet click. There, safe from Carter's knowing gaze, he leans against the door and takes deep breaths as he tries to get his composure back.

He doesn't know how Carter always seems to be able to take him apart so easily. Just a kiss and a touch and Lee finds himself getting lost all over again. He closes his eyes at the thought of that kiss, his lips still tingling with the memory of Carter's mouth against his and he has to drag himself out of it with a gasp and a curse as he pushes away from the door and collapses into his bed, unable to quite get the thought of Carter out of his head.

He buries his face in the pillow with a muffled groan because Carter is tempting and intoxicating and he knows he's not going to be able to stop thinking about that hungry kiss for a long time. It had felt like he was being devoured, like he was everything Carter wanted in that moment, everything he needed, and he feels dizzy with it. He can still feel Carter's hands in his hair and he drags a hand over the top of his head in an attempt to get rid of that feeling. He can practically see the self satisfied look on Carter's face and he wants to march out there and climb on top of him, kiss him until he sees stars and then kiss him some more until they both fall apart.

He rolls onto his side and tells himself firmly not to do that, no matter how tempting it is. He feels ridiculous for losing control like this, for being so affected by one kiss, but Carter has that power over him, seems to be able to reduce him to this state with laughable ease.

One thing's for sure. It's going to be a while before he gets to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the next chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's reading this and to the people who are leaving kudos and comments. Each one makes me so happy!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.

It's cold. Too cold really.

Lee wishes they had been forewarned that the shop they were going to be using for this stakeout didn't have working heating.

He would have brought more layers.

He shivers and pulls his jacket a little bit tighter around himself, shifting on the couch they had commandeered from the tiny staff room hidden away at the back of the store. It was much more comfortable than the other chairs on offer and they had pushed it up against the window so that whoever was on watch could have a clear view across the street to the other store they were watching.

He shifts uncomfortably again and rubs his hands together to get some warmth in them. He can feel the press of Carter's shoes against his thigh and he spares a glance at his partner who is curled up along the rest of the couch, covered by the only blanket they had managed to scrounge up when they had first discovered the heating problem and still wearing his shoes both in an effort to keep his feet warm and in case they have to run across the street at a moment's notice to arrest someone.

He turns his eyes back to the shop across the road and hopes Carter is warmer than he is. Shivering again, he wraps his arms around himself and tries unsuccessfully to forget about the cold as he watches for any sign of movement on the road outside. There is the occasional pedestrian, hurrying by on their way home, and the odd passing car but nobody stops at the darkened shop they are surveilling.

It is a while later, deep into the night, that he hears the rustle of fabric and feels the couch dip next to him as Carter shifts. He keeps his eyes on the street, assuming that Carter is just trying to get more comfortable but then Cater is settling to sit beside him and pressing into him with a sigh, the blanket still draped around his shoulders.

"It's freezing in here," he complains mournfully, leaning into Lee's side. He presses his cold hands to the exposed skin of Lee's neck, making him shiver, and Lee wants to be annoyed but he can't really begrudge him it when he wants to do exactly the same thing himself so instead he pulls Carter's hands away from his neck, tucks them between his own and tries to rub some warmth into them, conscious that his own hands aren't much better.

It feels incredibly intimate, sitting in semi darkness and holding Carter's hands, with the man himself pressed firmly against his side.

"You should be sleeping," he says with a glance at him and Carter pulls a face, watching the movement of their hands.

"I would be if it weren't so damn cold. Figured my best bet was with you. I mean, it's not like we haven't shared body heat before." He winks at Lee and Lee flushes at the sudden suggestiveness of it. A tendril of heat coils through him and Carter must see it because he gives him a knowing look.

"Down boy," he says, sounding amused, and he presses closer, pushing into the crook of Lee's arm. "Maybe later when we're back in an apartment with actual central heating. For now I just need you to sit there and keep me warm while I sleep."

He yawns widely and tucks his head against Lee's shoulder, getting himself comfortable and insinuating himself thoroughly into Lee's space. He reaches a hand up to try and wrap the blanket around both of them, tugging futilely at it until Lee takes over and pulls it around them so that they can share it.

"Mmmm, much better," Carter murmurs when they are settled, warmth finally starting to spread through them from the combined body heat.

Lee smiles fondly and wraps his arms around him tentatively. They haven't done this before, been this close to each other without sex being involved. It's dangerously easy to pretend that it could be something else and he has to close his eyes for a moment against the ache that blooms in his chest as he wishes he could have this all the time, wishes Carter returned his feelings and that they could turn this agreement they have into something else that allowed for moments like this.

He knows that can't happen though, knows that Carter doesn't feel that way and that he can never tell him of his own feelings. To tell him would be to cross the carefully constructed boundaries between them and he knows that he could lose Carter for it.

He can't let that happen.

So he pushes away all thoughts of what he wishes he could have with Carter and simply enjoys the warmth of his body on this cold night. It's so much warmer pressed against Carter like this and he lets out a relieved sigh at not having to shiver his way through the rest of the stakeout.

He feels Carter relax against him, hears his breathing even out as he falls asleep and Lee is left to keep watch on his own as his partner slumbers peacefully against him.

Now that he is warm again, he decides that this is definitely one of the nicer stakeouts he's been on. He feels warm and comfortable with Carter curled against him and he drinks it in, enjoying this new experience as he settles back into their stakeout.

The next few hours drift by uneventfully but Lee doesn't mind. He likes Carter's comforting presence at his side and he is perfectly happy to sit there for as long as he can. The stake out doesn't require that much of his attention and as long as he keeps his eyes on the store across the street he is also free to listen to the steady rhythm of Carter's breathing and feel the slow movement of his chest against him.

It's wonderfully relaxing and he wishes they could do this more often because holding Carter like this is something he's wanted to do for a long time now and he knows he's going to have trouble letting go when the time comes. Still he lets himself revel in the feeling of it, lets time pass him by as he holds Carter in his arms and he is almost unaware of the way the night is moving on until he is jolted out of his peaceful reverie by the buzz of the alarm on Carter's phone where they had placed it on the small table at Lee's end of the couch to alert them when it was time for Carter to take his turn keeping watch.

Carter comes awake in his arms, shifting sleepily as he reacts to the sound of it.

"Ugh, 'm awake," he says groggily and then groans lowly as he scrubs a hand over his eyes. He reaches out the other hand to fumble for his phone, sprawling his body across Lee's lap without a second thought so that he can reach it and turn the alarm off. The phone goes silent and Carter stays laying across Lee for a long moment, burying his face in the arm of the couch and clearly wanting to go back to sleep.

Lee can only stare down at him, caught off guard by the easy way Carter had draped himself over him without even a hint of reservation, and a surge of warmth runs through him as he watches the sleepy way Carter turns his head to look up at him, still not moving away from their suddenly intimate position.

"Hey," Carter says quietly, a small smile spreading across his lips as he starts to look more awake.

"Hey," Lee responds, incapable of thinking of anything else. He wants desperately to touch him, wants to stroke his hair and caress his cheek, because he has never seen this relaxed and sleepy side of his partner before, has never been lucky enough to see him when he has just woken up. He settles for sliding a hand down his arm because they urge to do something is overwhelming and it's the safest thing he can think of.

Carter smiles up at him for a few moments longer and then he pushes himself into motion, sitting up with a low groan and settling beside Lee once more.

"Your turn to sleep," he says as he shifts around, getting comfortable and tugging the blanket back up over his shoulder when it slips free. "Man it's still freezing in here."

Lee makes a sound of agreement, although he'd mostly forgotten about the cold with Carter pressed against him and warming him through.

"So anything interesting happen?" Carter asks when he's stopped moving around.

"No. It has been very quiet. Only a few passersby," Lee tells him and Carter hums quietly in acknowledgement.

"Okay. Go to sleep. I'll wake you if anything happens."

Lee nods silently and tries to get comfortable enough to sleep. Carter is still pressed against his side and he wants to press closer and curl into him, the way Carter had with him, but despite the easy way Carter seems to be taking physical contact with him, he's still unsure if that would be okay. He shifts again, trying to figure out a comfortable position that doesn't invade Carter's space too much.

"Dude, I'm not gonna bite if you get too close," Carter says as he moves again. "Well I might but not 'til later."

There's suggestion in his voice and somehow it sets Lee at ease, his mouth quirking in amusement. Carter slides an arm around him, tugging him close and one of his hands reaches up to guide his head down onto his shoulder. Lee's heart thuds at the action and he turns his face into his neck without even thinking about it.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he asks against his skin as he slides an arm around his waist and settles against him, feeling comfortable and warm.

"Sure I'm sure," Carter responds confidently. "Given everything else we've done, I'm sure we can handle a little cuddling for warmth."

He sounds amused, almost teasing, and Lee lets himself relax into him, content in the knowledge that Carter really is okay with this, even if he doesn't crave it like Lee does.

"And speaking of, you keep my ass from freezing off and I'll show you just how grateful I am when we get back to mine," Carter adds and Lee experiences a flash of heat that is entirely inappropriate when they are on a case.

"You are not helping me fall asleep," he says with a huff because thinking about that kind of thing while he is wrapped up in Carter like this isn't exactly conducive to a peaceful mindset.

"Sorry, man," Carter laughs. "I won't say another word about it."

"That would be a first," Lee comments against his shoulder and Carter chuckles quietly, seemingly completely unoffended.

"Just go to sleep," he murmurs and Lee finds his eyes slipping shut automatically. He wants to stay awake and enjoy the feeling of being held by Carter like this because it has never happened before but he is tired from his half of the watch, and the warmth of Carter's body and the steady rhythm of his breathing has him starting to drift already, slipping hazily towards sleep before he can stop himself.

As he tips over into unconsciousness, he can't quite keep the contented smile from his face but he is safe in the knowledge that Carter can't possibly see it and so he lets it show, his mouth curving lazily as he drifts into a dream filled sleep where Carter holds him like this simply because he wants to.

~~~

True to his word, Carter is more than interested in sharing something more than body heat once they get back to his apartment the next day and after spending so long enveloped by the heat of his body the previous night without being able to touch him in the way he wanted, Lee is pretty eager himself.

" _More_ ," Carter moans, pressing down eagerly as Lee works him open slowly with two fingers.

They hadn't even made it any further than Carter's couch before they were on each other and now they are completely naked and Carter is in his lap, knees either side of Lee's thighs as he prepares him, fingers slick with lube as he slides them inside him. He twists his fingers and Carter cries out, his head tipping back as he pushes down onto Lee's hand.

"More," he demands again with a low groan, one hand grasping tightly at Lee's arm, and Lee obediently presses another finger in. Carter's head tips forward to rest against his neck and he pants harshly for breath, his hips twitching as he tries to take in more.

Lee turns his head and presses open mouthed kisses to the skin of his shoulder as he moves his fingers inside of him, making Carter moan and grind down. Their cocks slide briefly together and Lee gasps at the feeling, his hand tightening on Carter's hip as hot pleasure surges through him.

He presses his fingers deeper, brushing against Carter's prostate and drawing a long, low moan from his lips. Carter's back arches and Lee can't keep his eyes off the graceful line of his body, wants him so desperately that his cock twitches against his stomach with need.

"Carter," he gasps out, one hand sliding up Carter's back to rest between his shoulder blades, pulling him forward to press their chests together. He keeps his fingers moving, sliding against hot, slick skin inside him and feeling the muscles around them relax slowly.

" _Fuck_ , Lee," Carter groans, rocking down onto his fingers, but then he is reaching a hand behind himself to pull at Lee's wrist. "Come on, I'm ready. Need you now."

He kneels up higher and Lee pulls his fingers out, rubbing a soothing hand down Carter's side when he lets out a low sound at the sudden emptiness.

It's almost overwhelming seeing Carter like this, driven entirely by lust and almost out of his mind because of _him_. It has him achingly hard and he has to try desperately not to come as he wraps a hand around his cock to slick himself up.

Then Carter's hand is on his cock, batting his own away and taking over impatiently before lining him up with his entrance. He pushes down slowly, his thighs quivering, and it is even harder not to come as Lee's cock is enveloped in tight, slick heat. He gasps for breath as Carter settles with his cock fully inside him, and they stay like that for a moment, clutching at frayed control.

Then Carter lifts himself and presses back down, his mouth tipping open with a loud moan and Lee can't stop himself from making a similar sound as intense pleasure rushes through him. His hands clutch at Carter's thighs, feeling the flex of his muscles as he raises himself again, setting up a rhythm that has them both panting and moaning.

Carter's hands are on his shoulders, gripping them tightly and using him as leverage as he moves against him. Everything is heat and pleasure, and Lee rocks his hips up as much as he can in his current position, wanting more, more, _more_ with a desperate need that is quickly driving all coherent thought from his head.

He leans forward to press his mouth to Carter's chest, licking at his overheated skin and tasting the sweat beginning to form there. One of Carter's hands slides into his hair and then his head is being pulled back so that Carter can slot their mouths together for a messy kiss that is just as much panting for breath as it is kissing.

Carter makes a needy sound, his mouth open against Lee's as they gasp the same air, and he rocks his hips down faster, his thighs straining with effort. He changes the angle slightly and Lee's cock must hit his prostate because he throws his head back in pleasure and Lee's breath catches in his chest at the sight of him.

Carter is glorious like this, his skin glistening with sweat and his muscles working as he drives himself down onto Lee's cock, his mouth gaping open and his lips wet and shining as he makes continuous noises of pleasure.

It's almost too much to process but Lee tries to commit it to memory anyway, wants to remember this sight for all time because he doesn't think he's ever seen anything more arousing than Carter completely lost in pleasure as he rides his cock.

He slides a hand up Carter's back, feeling the play of his muscles under hot skin and reveling in the feel of him. He knows he's not going to last much longer, can feel liquid heat pooling within him, and his hips snap up faster, meeting Carter's downward motions to drive his cock into him harder.

They are both moaning desperately now, clutching at each other with needy hands and pressing as close as they can get, heated skin sliding together as they near the edge.

Lee is completely overwhelmed by the feel of it all. He can't think, can't speak, can hardly breathe. But that all seems so insignificant compared to the pleasure surging through him. Nothing is more important than the slide of his cock inside Carter, the heated rush of his skin and the incoherent sounds falling from his mouth.

Carter's lips find his, sliding uncoordinatedly together, his tongue slipping into Lee's mouth and it feels like Carter is everywhere; in his mouth, in his arms, in his heart.

Everything is Carter and Lee never wants it to end, feels like he's lost in a fever dream that he doesn't want to wake up from. He's so close now, fire burning in his veins as he reaches frantically for climax, and he breaks their clumsy kiss to moan Carter's name into the air between them, repeating it like a mantra.

Carter drives himself down again and then he is crying out, his whole body tensing and his muscles clenching around Lee's cock as he comes. That's all it takes for Lee to follow after, Carter's name tearing from his lips again as he comes hard.

Carter's arms wrap around his shoulders as they shake apart in each other's arms, his head tucking into Lee's neck.

They stay like that for long minutes as they regain their breath, sweat cooling on their skin as they slowly put themselves back together. Their chests are pressed together and Lee can feel every breath Carter takes.

Eventually Carter lifts himself up so that Lee's cock slides out of him but instead of clambering off of him and collapsing at his side on the couch as Lee expects, he simply lowers himself back into Lee's lap and stays where he is, his arms still around Lee's shoulders and his face still turned into his neck.

It takes Lee by surprise because they don't usually do this, no matter how much he wants to. Carter is still affectionate in the aftermath of sex and he might stay pressed against him for a few minutes but it's always simply been a messy tangle of exhausted limbs and he's usually fairly quick to pull away. He's certainly never stayed in Lee's space in this manner, doing what Lee can only describe as 'snuggling'.

After spending so much time wrapped up in him last night and then wishing all day that it could happen again, this feels like all his wistful daydreams coming true and he just wants it to go on forever, never wants to move from this spot where he has Carter settled comfortably in his arms.

He slides a trembling hand down Carter's back and Carter shivers against him but doesn't move so he does it again, stroking his back slowly and leisurely as he enjoys the contact.

Carter's head moves and for a moment Lee worries that he has pushed him into moving away, but Carter just presses a gentle kiss to his jaw and then another to his mouth, slow and deep, before pulling away to rest his forehead against Lee's temple.

It's shockingly intimate and it doesn't at all help the warm glow of love that burns in Lee's heart, which flares even brighter at the action.

_I love you_ , he thinks helplessly as Carter sits relaxed in his arms and for a moment it's hard to remind himself that this love of his is still one sided. He has to tell himself that any thought to the contrary is just wishful thinking on his part.

He runs his hand down Carter's back again, enjoying this surprise moment and feeling the warm play of Carter's breath against his ear. He hears Carter sigh quietly and soft lips press against his neck in a barely there kiss that makes his skin tingle in its wake.

Minutes pass like that and Lee treasures every one of them. He has no idea why Carter is allowing this but he's not going to question it so he keeps up his gentle stroking and leaves it up to Carter to move away first. It feels even more intimate than the way they had curled into each other last night and if Lee hadn't been able to quite get the thought of that out of his head all day, he is certain he won't be able to forget this in a hurry.

Eventually Carter shifts against him and then sits back, his arms unwrapping from around Lee's shoulders as he pulls away.

"Do you want dinner?" Carter asks and Lee is stunned at being asked that question while Carter is still sat casually in his lap, as if nothing is unusual about it.

"I...Yes?" he says and it comes out more like a question but Carter doesn't seem to mind.

"Okay!" he grins and then he's clambering off of Lee, one hand sliding casually down his chest as he goes. "There's this new Chinese place just down the road. Wanna check it out?"

Lee watches as he heads for the bathroom and disappears inside, undoubtedly to clean himself up. He hears shuffling movement from inside and he knows he should clean himself up too but he is still too caught up in the intimate feeling of the moment they had just shared and before he knows it Carter is back, lobbing a cloth at Lee's chest with a casual flick of his wrist.

"Hey, Robocop," Carter prompts. "The Chinese place?"

Lee catches the cloth automatically, swallowing as he watches him search around for his clothes, and just like that everything is back to normal between them, that strange moment broken and flitting away like smoke. Carter doesn't even seem to notice that anything odd has happened or seem particularly perturbed that Lee is slow to answer, thrown off kilter as he is.

"Yes," he says quickly when he realizes he has stared too long without answering. He quickly cleans himself up with the cloth and then stands up and reaches for his own clothes, pulling them on slowly and keeping an eye on Carter as he tries to decide what had prompted Carter's affectionate actions.

Carter pulls his jacket on and pats at his pockets, checking for his phone and wallet before grabbing his keys from the side. Usually Lee would usher him in the direction of the shower before going out after what they've just done. He knows they must smell like sex, like each other, but he is too caught up in his thoughts to pay it any mind. He watches Carter a moment longer and then turns his attention to his tie, deciding that he is over thinking it.

As much as he wants it to have meant something, he knows that it was probably just Carter being affectionate or wanting some human contact rather than an indication of anything else.

He knows he's the only one with romantic feelings in this arrangement but, as he follows Carter out the door, he knows he will hold onto the memory of that moment for a long time to come, regardless of what it does to his poor, abused heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you liked it! 
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit later than usual. I am trying to keep the updates fairly regular but this chapter's also quite long so hopefully that makes up for it!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"Hurry up and get that perfect ass in here!" Carter calls out from the bathroom as Lee finishes putting their food in the fridge for later. He can already hear Carter shedding his clothes in there.

"You could have at least waited for me," he calls back and hears Carter's laugh echo around the bathroom.

"I'm giving you motivation to get a move on!"

Lee rolls his eyes at his partner, even though Carter isn't out there to see it. He closes the fridge and heads for the bathroom himself, hands already loosening his tie. He hears the water turn on and he steps into the bathroom to see Carter already in the shower, head tipped back as water cascades down his body.

It's an enticing sight and he has to pull his eyes away with great difficulty so that he can actually keep moving and get out of his clothes without becoming too distracted. He unbuttons his shirt and drops it to the floor beside the messy pile of clothes that Carter has left behind.

He is just unbuckling his belt when he hears the slap of wet feet on the floor behind him and then a warm, wet body is pressing along his back.

"You were taking too long," Carter offers in explanation, although Lee hadn't asked for one. He presses a series of slow kisses to the back of Lee's neck and winds his arms around his waist, hands wandering down his chest and skimming over the muscles there.

For a moment Lee leans into the touch but he can feel the water seeping through his pants from Carter's skin so he pulls away.

"You are getting my clothes wet," he says with a frown, turning to face his partner and pressing a hand to his chest when he tries to step in close again. Carter pouts at him for an instant but then steps back.

"Well you should hurry up then," he says, sending a reproachful look at Lee's pants. "If you weren't wearing any clothes, I couldn't get them wet."

Carter takes another step back and gives a casual shrug. "Unless you want me to start without you?" He sends Lee a wicked look and slides a hand down to curl around his own cock, stroking slowly as he takes another step backwards towards the shower.

Lee can't help the low moan that escapes his throat at the sight of him, naked and glistening with water, and a hand wrapped around his own cock. It has his pulse speeding up in pleasant ways and he hurries to get out of the rest of his clothes, shoving his pants and underwear down and stumbling out of them quickly.

Once he is naked, he takes a few steps forward to close the gap between them, pressing against Carter and kissing him hard, letting his hands roam over all the available skin. He licks into Carter's mouth and proceeds to kiss him breathless, using every trick he knows Carter likes. Carter responds by moaning into his mouth and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pushing as close as he can get.

They break apart panting for breath and a slow smile spreads across Carter's mouth.

"Someone's keen," he says teasingly and Lee rolls his eyes.

"I'm keen? You were naked before I had even finished putting the food away."

"What can I say? I'm just efficient," Carter grins.

"You have never been efficient in your life," Lee tells him with a frown. "It took you all afternoon to write your report because you were playing games on your phone."

"I was multitasking!" Carter says with an even wider grin and Lee suspects Carter is deliberately messing with him.

"You were not," he argues anyway and Carter laughs.

"Alright, so maybe I didn't know you could see that I had my phone out," he says and Lee stares at him for a moment.

"That should not make a difference," he tells him sternly and it feels strangely domestic to be talking like this when they are stood in each other's arms, both holding onto the other with no apparent intention of letting go.

Carter pulls a face at him. "Man, how can you still be such a killjoy when you're completely naked?"

Saying that seems to bring his attention back to what they were doing and he casts a look down at Lee's body.

"Speaking of naked..." He gives Lee a lascivious look and waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"That is not as enticing as you think it is," Lee tells him but Carter doesn't seem at all deterred.

"You're gonna have sex with me though, right?" he asks. Lee gives a long suffering sigh but nods anyway and Carter smiles brightly at him. "Then it's as enticing as it needs to be!"

Lee can't really fault that logic and he doesn't really want to right then when Carter is pressed against him, naked and still wet from his short spell in the shower. He slides a hand down Carter's side, feeling wet skin beneath his fingers, and then kisses him again, sliding their tongues together as he steers him backwards towards the shower.

They step into the warm spray of water together, still kissing and trading lingering touches that are starting to grow more heated as the water pours over them. Lee pulls his mouth away from Carter's and presses a series of kisses down his throat, tasting the water that rushes down his skin as he does so.

He pauses to mouth at his pulse point and listens happily to the gasping sounds Carter makes at the attention, sounds that send warm arousal curling through him in response. He laves his tongue over the area and then scrapes his teeth against Carter's skin to pull a startled groan from him before drifting lower, trailing his lips down over his collarbone and starting to work his way down Carter's chest.

He licks at one of his nipples, sucks at it briefly and earns a breathy sound in response as Carter's hands tighten on him, clasping at his sides. He moves lower still, pressing open mouthed kisses into Carter's skin, his hands sliding slowly down Carter's back as he drags his lips down his stomach and finally falls to his knees in front of him.

He lets his hands grip Carter's ass as he kisses the crease between his thigh and hip, licking at the skin and then nipping lightly, which makes Carter's hips jerk slightly in surprise.

He looks up at Carter then, finds him looking back with dark, aroused eyes, blinking through the water that is running down him and clinging to his eyelashes. One of Carter's hands finds his shoulder and the other slides into his hair, pushing it back from his forehead in a strangely affectionate gesture as they simply look at each other for a long moment.

Then Lee is moving again, breaking the moment and leaning forward to press his mouth over the end of Carter's cock, sucking lightly at the tip and then pressing his tongue against it. Carter moans above him, the hand in Lee's hair urging him down and Lee goes willingly, slides his mouth down Carter's cock and presses his tongue along the underside.

He bobs his head slowly at first, taking his time and getting used to the feel of Carter's cock on his tongue, the stretch of his lips around it.

"Fuck, I love it when you do this," Carter groans, and Lee casts his eyes up to see him watching him avidly, his eyes intense and his mouth open on a low sound of pleasure. He drops his eyes again and bobs his head slightly faster, sucking with each movement, and earns a louder moan that sends heat coursing through his own body.

He presses his head down as far as he can go and then sucks hard on the way up, his hands pressing against the front of Carter's thighs. Carter swears loudly at the action and his legs tremble slightly under Lee's hands, his balance wavering as he grips tighter at Lee's shoulder and hair.

Lee pulls one of his hands away from Carter's thigh and slides it up his stomach to press against his skin, pushing lightly until Carter takes an unsteady step backwards so that he can lean against the tiles for support. Lee moves with him, keeping his mouth on Carter's cock as he slides forwards on his knees, and although he loses his rhythm for a moment, he has it back almost straight away.

He shifts closer, water swirling around his knees, and settles his hands on Carter's hips as he presses him back into the tiles. Carter moans loudly, his hips jerking slightly and Lee leans into the movement, liking the feel of Carter's cock pushing into his mouth.

"Can I...?" Carter asks above him, his voice hoarse with desire as his hand tightens in Lee's hair and his hips move again in lieu of the words he couldn't manage to get out. "Want to fuck your mouth," he manages to say a moment later and the words have Lee's cock twitching between his legs with need. He makes a sound of encouragement around Carter's cock and pulls Carter's hand away from his shoulder to press it to the back of his head along with the other one.

His other hand pulls at Carter's hip, urging him into movement again, and Carter groans long and low in his throat as he starts moving. He starts out slow, letting Lee get used to it as he thrusts into his mouth, his hands curling tightly in Lee's hair to hold his head still.

Lee moans at the feeling, his own cock hard and leaking as Carter starts to speed up, burning need shooting through him with every movement and each desperate sound that Carter has started making.

Carter thrusts harder, his hips moving in quick, jerky movements as he moans desperately and Lee finds himself moaning around his cock at the knowledge that _he_ is the cause of this loss of control, _he_ is the cause of Carter's pleasure and the unending stream of aroused moans falling from his mouth.

He drops one of his hands to curl around his own cock, stroking roughly as he lets Carter fuck his mouth with abandon, lets him take and take and take. Carter's movements are growing frantic, his hips bucking unsteadily and Lee's jaw aches from the strain of it but hot pleasure is singing in his veins as he strokes himself and he can't bring himself to care.

" _Lee,_ " Carter moans above him. " _Fuck,_ you're-" He cries out loudly, his words cutting off as he pumps his cock into Lee's mouth roughly and then tenses against him, his hands tightening almost painfully in Lee's hair as he comes in hot, wet spurts down his throat. Lee tries to swallow it all but he can feel some of it leak out of his mouth as Carter rocks into him in small, pressing movements, working himself through it with low sounds of pleasure.

Lee groans at the sounds and at the taste of Carter's come in his mouth, his hand moving faster on his own cock as he nears his own release, his whole body hot with arousal. Carter's movements still and for a moment he stays with his softening cock in Lee's mouth but then his hands unclench from Lee's hair and he pushes him back, startlingly gentle after the death grip he had just had on him, one hand stroking lightly over his hair.

Lee pulls his mouth off of him and licks at his lips before tipping his head up to look at Carter, taking in the dazed look on his face and the slump of his body against the tiles. He fists his cock harder, his hips twitching as he searches for the release that he knows is so close now.

Carter's eyes drop to his moving hand and he makes a low sound before sliding slowly down the tiles and settling on his knees in front of Lee.

"Shit, Lee. You have no idea how you look right now," he says, his chest still heaving in the aftermath of his orgasm. He reaches a hand out to cup Lee's cheek, his thumb sliding through the mess of come that had leaked down the side of Lee's mouth. "On your knees, fucking your own hand with my come on your face."

His eyes find Lee's and Lee groans at the look he finds there, his hand tightening around his cock as he nears the edge. He feels alive with arousal, blazing with it.

Carter shifts closer, his hand sliding back to curl against Lee's neck. He ducks his head forward and presses a kiss to Lee's jaw, then another one slightly further back. Lee pants breathlessly at the feeling it sends through him and Carter kisses him again, working his way along Lee's skin until he can press a kiss just below his ear.

"You look so fucking hot like this," he says, his voice low and Lee shivers at the sound of it, at the feeling of his breath against his ear.

Carter licks his tongue at the shell of his ear, hot and wet. "Come for me," he says and Lee does, tipping over the edge in an instant, his mouth falling open on a wordless cry. He is dimly aware that Carter is trailing more kisses back along his jaw but he too lost in bliss to really focus on it, his hand still moving on his cock as he rides it out.

He comes back to himself slowly, panting for breath as he relaxes in the aftermath of pleasure, his hand falling away from his cock. Carter presses a last kiss to his jaw and then sits back with a contented sigh, his hand trailing down Lee's arm as he pulls away.

Their knees are pressed together in the small space and Lee wants to move in closer and press into Carter's arms, wants to relax in the afterglow together. Instead he leans back and tips his head up, moving into the stream of water and letting the shower wash both his and Carter's come from his skin.

A hand on his chest has him tilting his head back down though and a moment later he finds Carter's lips pressed against his as he kisses him slowly and deeply, hands sliding up his arms to pull him closer as he shifts into Lee's space, pressing as close as he can get while they are both still sitting on the floor of the shower. Lee sighs into the kiss and his hands come up to cup Carter's face, his whole being filled with warmth.

It isn't long before Carter pulls back with a contented expression, although he doesn't make any move to separate himself from Lee, seemingly happy to stay right where he is. It has been happening more and more since the moment they had shared on the couch and now when they have had sex, Carter doesn't seem to want to pull away like he used to, instead staying in Lee's space for long, relaxed minutes that have Lee's traitorous heart starting to hope and wish in ways he knows will only bring him more pain in the long run. But as he watches Carter edge into the stream of hot water, a comfortable look settling onto his face as he basks in it and his arms looping casually around Lee's shoulders, he can't bring himself to care because he would take all the heartbreak in the world just for this one moment.

They sit like that for a while, both recovering, and Lee wonders if Carter is as reluctant to move as he is. There's something about this relaxed closeness that has him feeling warm and at ease so he lets the moment stretch on, tips his head forwards into the water and lets it rush down his back, warming him through. Carter turns his head slightly, sending him a fond look, and if Lee's heart skips a beat at that then nobody but him needs to know.

~~~

The front door clicks shut behind him as he lets himself into the house as quietly as possible. It's late and he's not sure if Didi is still up but he doesn't want to wake her if she's asleep. Derrick at least will be in bed by now in any case.

The kitchen light is on, sending a warm glow out into the hallway, and Lee takes that to mean that Didi is probably in there. He is proved right when she steps out into the hall a moment later.

"You were out late," she says and Lee feels strangely like a schoolboy getting caught sneaking in by his mother. "I take it you were with Carter?"

"Yes," he says, pulling his shoes off and placing them neatly by the door. There's a glint of knowledge in her eyes and he's certain he knows where this conversation is going even if he had hoped that this would never happen. He briefly considers claiming tiredness and hiding in his room but that would only delay the inevitable. He knows Didi will find a way to corner him eventually.

He straightens up and she gestures to the kitchen, giving him an expectant look that says they both know what this is about.

He follows her into the kitchen, sits down at the table and watches as she busies herself making a cup of tea, one of his hands tapping at the edge of the table in a nervous movement that he forces himself to stop the moment he realizes he is doing it. He wonders if she is using her interrogation techniques against him, letting him stew so that he will be easier to crack when she starts with the questions.

"Do you want one?" she asks, gesturing at her cup and he shakes his head. She turns away again and he runs a restless hand through his hair. It's still wet from the shower he took with Carter not so long ago.

He watches as she makes her tea and then comes to sit across from him, the cup clasped between her hands. She gazes at him for a moment, looking like she's trying to decide how to start this, although he's fairly certain she will have already thought it through in preparation.

"I'm going to ask you something," she says finally. "And I know it's technically none of my business but I'd really appreciate it if you answered me truthfully, okay?"

He nods, his mouth dry, unsure even in that moment if he can actually tell her the truth or not.

"Are you sleeping with Carter?"

It's blunter than he had expected and it throws him off guard, scrabbling around for an answer but coming up empty. His silence seems to speak for him though and he can see the answer he hasn't deliberately given in her eyes so he gives a small nod of confirmation, unable to actually speak the words.

"But you're not in a romantic relationship?" she clarifies although it's clear she already knows the answer.

He shakes his head, finally finds the power of speech. "It's not like that. It's just..." He struggles to find the right way to explain it. "Carter called it 'friends with benefits'."

He's proud that he remembered the term but Didi's eyes just turn sad.

"Oh, _Lee,_ " she breathes, reaching out a hand to cover his sympathetically. "How long has this been going on?"

"A few months," he admits vaguely, reluctant to admit the full extent of it, but she picks up on his imprecision.

"How many months?"

He chews his lip for a moment, trying to decide whether to tell the truth. He doesn't want to lie to her but this whole conversation has him feeling caught off guard and all the buried hurt he has tried so hard to hide is threatening to rise to the surface with each word he speaks.

"Six," he finally says truthfully and Didi's eyes go wide in surprise. Clearly she hadn't realized how long they had been hiding this from her, from everyone they know.

" _Six,_ " she echoes and Lee feels bad for the worry he can see in her eyes. He hadn't meant to worry her.

"It's okay," he tells her quickly. "It works. And it has not affected our friendship or our working partnership. There's nothing to worry about."

"And you're just completely fine with this?" Didi asks disbelievingly and Lee frowns.

"I am not some innocent who has been led astray," he says firmly.

"That's not what I meant, Lee," she replies softly. "You have feelings for him. Can you honestly tell me you're okay with it just being sex between you?"

"Obviously I would prefer it if he felt the same way," he admits. "But I know he does not. And that is okay. I am content with what we have."

He knows he's lying to himself, pretending to be okay when he can feel the longing twisting in his heart, the yearning to be with Carter in every way and to have his love reciprocated. But if he admits the truth, even to himself, he will fall apart and he has spent so long forcing himself to be okay and hiding away the hurt that threatens to consume him that he doesn't know how to do anything different.

"But you love him," Didi says.

"And he does not love me," he answers. His voice cracks on the words and Didi squeezes his hand comfortingly. He takes a calming breath. "I cannot make him."

"I know." She sounds sad for him. "But you must know how this will end."

"Of course I do," he says quickly, blinking back the tears that threaten to form. It's not as if he hasn't thought about it before. He has torn himself apart with that knowledge, ripped his bleeding heart to shreds with awareness of what will happen. "He will find someone else, someone he can have romantic feelings for, and then he will end this."

He pulls his hand away from Didi's and stands up quickly, his chair scraping on the floor as he turns away from her, needing to hide the expression that he knows must be on his face.

"He will not want me anymore because he will have someone else instead and we will both pretend that none of this ever happened." He wipes viciously at his eyes, determined not to fall apart like this. "And I will be happy for him. I will. I just..."

A gentle hand settles on his shoulder and he realizes belatedly that Didi has come to stand next to him. He's usually better at noticing things like that.

"I do want him to be happy," he manages to whisper, his throat tight with emotion.

"But you wish he could be happy with you," Didi says softly, looking up at him sympathetically, and he doesn't have the energy to try and hide the heartbreak in his eyes.

"Yes," he chokes out and then squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to get himself under control.

"Oh, Lee," Didi murmurs and then she is pulling him into a hug. She holds him gently and strokes a reassuring hand down his back. "I'm here for you, you know. Anytime you need to talk, I'm right here."

It's overwhelmingly comforting to hear those words and he lets himself cling to her for a moment, needing the reassurance she is offering. But then he is pulling away, taking a deep breath to calm himself, determined not to fall apart any more than he already has.

"Thank you," he tells her as he steps back and she gives him a small smile, concern still showing in her eyes.

"Anytime," she says. "I mean it."

He takes another step back, runs a tired hand down his face and tries to breath past the clog of emotion in his chest.

"I need to sleep," he says after a moment. He doesn't think he will actually be able to sleep but he needs to get away from this particular conversation. He has done all the opening up he can manage for the time being and he is overwhelmingly grateful for her support and comfort but he needs to retreat into his own company and put himself back together.

She seems to understand that need because she nods and moves to collect her cup from the table, crossing the kitchen to set it next to the sink and touching a reassuring hand to his arm as she passes.

"I'll see you in the morning," she says and he is grateful that she isn't going to push for any more tonight. She seems to know his boundaries almost as well as he does.

He starts to head out of the kitchen, pausing just inside the doorway to look over his shoulder at her.

"Goodnight, Didi," he says quietly and she turns her head to look at him, eyes caring and affectionate.

"Goodnight, Lee."

He pads down the hallway and into his room, closing the door carefully behind him and sinking down to sit on the edge of his bed. He lets out a low breath and tips his head forward into his hands, breathing slowly and steadily as he tries to control his emotions.

Talking to Didi had unearthed all of his buried hurt, pulled it out of the hiding places he had tucked it into. It does feel good to have finally acknowledged it out loud though, to finally have someone who knows the truth of it all. Not that it does anything to ease the dreadful ache in his heart. It still throbs painfully with the knowledge that Carter will never return his feelings but he is almost used to that by now.

He sighs and tips sideways to lie down, curling his arms around himself and turning his face into the pillow as he wishes, not for the first time, that he wasn't in love on his own.

~~~

Seeing Didi again the next morning isn't as awkward as he thought it might be. He had worried that she might look at him differently, that he might see pity in her eyes for the foolish detective who is having casual sex with his best friend, who also happens to be his partner at work and the man he is in love with. When he thinks about it like that it seems even more foolhardy than he had previously realized.

Thankfully Didi doesn't look at him like she is thinking about any of those things and just offers him a smiling greeting like she would any other day.

"Morning, Lee," she says as she packs Derrick's lunchbox for the day and Lee is relieved that she is acting as if nothing is amiss.

"Good morning, Didi," he answers, watching for a moment as she bustles around the kitchen before turning away and retrieving a bowl from one of the cupboards. He sets it on the side but hesitates instead of preparing his breakfast. He doesn't particularly want to talk anymore about his arrangement with Carter, but now that he doesn't feel so blindsided by her knowledge he has questions.

"How did you know?" he asks suddenly, because he needs to know if they have been too obvious, if they have done something to give themselves away.

He turns his head to look at Didi, watching as she stops what she is doing. She casts a cautious look towards Derrick where he is sat in the lounge watching cartoons and then comes a few steps closer.

"Took me far too long to realize," she says and Lee feels guilty for the way they have deceived her.

"What made you realize though?" he asks because this is important and he can't help worrying that other people will find out too.

"You kept coming home with wet hair," Didi tells him and Lee blinks at her.

"That is it?"

"Yeah, well it wasn't raining every time so I knew you must have had a shower and I knew you were at Carter's all those times. There wasn't really any reason for you to be showering there unless..." She trails off, leaving the obvious conclusion unsaid, and Lee winces in embarrassment at the implication.

"I mean, I didn't twig at first," Didi carries on. "But when I realized how you felt about him I started paying more attention. I was worried about you, you know? And then you came home with wet hair one night and I thought it was strange because it wasn't raining but I didn't really think any more of it. Until you did it again... and again."

"And that was all that made you suspect?"

"Well yeah," she says with a shrug. "You've both been hiding it really well. I would never have suspected if I didn't live with you. You're both the same as ever at work and even when you're hanging out here with us, you both still act the same as you always have. I mean, look how long it took me to figure it out!"

Lee chews his lip for a moment. "I am sorry that we lied to you."

"I get why you did though," Didi replies. "And I think Carter would say that you didn't lie, you just didn't tell me." She smiles and they both share an amused look that says they've each been on the receiving end of that line more than a few times.

"In all seriousness though," she carries on, "are you sure this thing with Carter is a good idea?"

"No," Lee says honestly because he knows it's probably exactly the opposite. "But..." He trails off, unsure where to go from there, how to explain that he just can't bring himself to stop.

Didi sighs and gives him a look that is equal parts concern and sympathy. "Like I said last night, I'm worried about you, Lee," she says. "He's such a big part of your life. He's your partner, your best friend and add to that the way you feel about him... It's a lot to lose if something goes wrong."

"I know," Lee admits, scrubbing a hand over his face. He has worried about it numerous times himself, worried that he could end up ruining everything, but then he sees Carter again and everything always seems so easy between them that his worries disappear. Their friendship is just the same as ever, with an added component of sex, and when they are together Lee can't help feeling like nothing could change that.

Didi puts a gentle hand on his arm. "Just be careful, okay? I know you don't want to think about it but this can't last forever and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I think it might be too late for that," Lee admits, surprised by his own honesty, and Didi's hand tightens on his arm.

"So why are you doing this then?" she asks and Lee searches for an answer.

"Because I love him," he says simply, hoping that it is somehow enough to encompass the way he would do anything for Carter, regardless of how much he hurts his own heart in the process, hopes it tells her that he can't get enough of the way Carter smiles after they've had sex, the way his body goes loose and carefree, hopes it says that he lives for those small contented moments that are starting to happen ever more frequently afterwards when they stay in each other's space as they recover, sharing a peaceful quiet that somehow seems more intimate than the sex itself.

He knows he will treasure those moments when this all comes to an end, knows that no matter how much his world falls apart he will still have those memories and it will have been worth it.

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Didi says cautiously, looking like she might be worried about upsetting Lee.

"It does not matter if it is or isn't," he replies. "He doesn't feel the same. What we are doing is just sex."

"It isn't for you."

"No. But it's not a relationship either. I know what we're doing must end at some point and I know it will hurt but I will be okay. I cannot lose what I have never had."

Didi sighs, watching him worriedly. "I think you're lying to yourself if you think you're going to be okay when that happens. And you know what? You don't have to be okay. You don't have to pretend you're not hurting just to keep up this tough image you've built yourself."

"I can't let Carter find out," Lee says in argument. He knows that the very moment Carter realized something was wrong, he would start worrying and pressing until he found out what it was. He can't let that happen.

"That's as may be," she answers. "But you don't have to keep the act up around me. I'm here whenever you need a hug or a friendly ear, okay? If you want to cry and eat ice cream, I'm here for that. If you want some company while you go to the gym and beat the crap out of a punching bag, well I'm up for that too. If you want to talk about what an idiot Carter is for not loving you back then I can do that all night. Point is, you can always come to me, alright?"

It's overwhelming having that level of support from someone and he feels choked up at her words. Before he had come to Los Angeles he had never had a friendship as strong as this and he's still getting used to the knowledge that he now has people he can turn to, friends in the shape of Didi and Carter who would do anything for him.

"Thank you," he says earnestly, his voice tight with emotion. He doesn't know how else to express how grateful he is to her for being there for him when he needs her most.

"And hey," she adds, a glint of humor in her eyes, "if you need someone to go and kick Carter's ass for making you feel like this then just say the word."

Lee laughs wetly at that and it helps to clear some of the emotion running through him. "I do not think that will be necessary."

She smiles at him, warm and caring. "Just letting you know your options."

"I will keep it in mind," he tells her solemnly and her smile grows.

He pulls his eyes away from hers, looking down at the counter and seeing the bowl he had set there for his breakfast.

"I should..." he says gesturing at it and Didi nods.

"Of course. I need to be taking Derrick to school anyway." She looks across at where her son is still happily watching cartoons and then takes a step away from Lee. "I'll see you at work, okay?"

"Okay," Lee agrees and then watches as she heads into the lounge to make sure that Derrick is ready to leave. He takes a deep breath to center himself and tries not to think about how right she had been about this thing between him and Carter. He knows it's not a good idea but he can't stop himself from doing it.

With a sigh he pushes those thoughts away for another time, for when he doesn't have to be getting ready for work and when Carter isn't about to arrive to pick him up. He can deal with that later. But first things first; breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you liked it!
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been a while since the last chapter. I've been kind of busy lately and also I wrote a completely separate Carter/Lee fic so go check that out if you haven't already.
> 
> I think I might be dragging this fic out too much and taking too long to progress their relationship but rest assured things will start to speed up from the next chapter onward so hopefully anyone still reading this won't get too bored.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is reading this though. I think this fandom is really starting to die down but I'll still be here writing for the foreseeable future and I'm really grateful to anyone else who's still here too.
> 
> Anyway, on with the chapter! I hope you like it!

"Hey, wanna come over tonight?" Carter asks as they get out of the car and Lee looks across to see the hopeful smile on Carter's face.

"We are working, Carter," he tells him sternly as they head towards the hardware store that their suspect works at.

"It's a simple yes or no question, man."

Lee sighs. They've been starting to spend more time at Carter's apartment lately and he knows it's a bad idea to let himself get even more lost in him but he can't make himself stop. They still spend time with Didi, Derrick and Gerald but where there had once been a few evenings a week where they would both go their separate ways, now they are spending them together, wrapped up in each other in Carter's bed.

He's starting to think he spends just as much time in Carter's bed as he does his own, although of course he never sleeps when he's in Carter's. That is still a carefully kept barrier between them and if he stays over it's on the couch.

"I'll make it worth your while," Carter says, a playfully flirtatious look on his face, and Lee still hasn't figured out how to say no to that expression. It makes him want to drag him to a stop and slot their mouths together right there and then in the middle of a hardware store parking lot.

"Okay," he agrees before he has even really thought about it, forcing his hands to remain at his sides, and Carter grins at him happily in a way that has Lee's heart beating faster in his chest because there's a hint of softness in it that makes him feel like he's falling.

"Great!" Carter says, reaching out to touch gentle fingertips to the back of Lee's hand in a barely there touch, and it has Lee's breath catching in his throat because they are in public where anyone could see them but Carter doesn't seem to mind at all and he is still smiling at him with that soft look in his eyes.

It feels so much like something other than what they are supposed to be to each other, like the kind of casual action that two people in a romantic relationship would make, and Lee doesn't know what to do with that comparison but then the building is looming above them as they reach the door and he has to tear his eyes away from that smile.

"Now can we focus on the case?" he asks, because he needs Carter to stop smiling at him like that, needs him to stop touching him in public like it's the easiest thing in the world.

"Whatever you say, man," Carter answers, his fingers dragging against Lee's as he pulls his hand away and when Lee darts a look at him he is relieved to see his expression turn more serious. "Let's catch a bad guy!"

He opens the door and they head inside, passing aisles of long shelves stacked with anything anyone could ever want from a hardware store and making their way straight for the woman behind the counter.

She looks up as they approach, her eyes flicking over them and then settling on Carter. She offers him a smile that is edged with interest and Lee sighs to himself. She's pretty, the kind of pretty that usually has Carter falling over himself to flirt outrageously and Lee averts his eyes, not wanting to watch the way Carter will react to her smile, even if he will still have to listen to him flirting with her.

"Hi, can I help you?" she asks, a smile in her voice and Lee wants to jump in and demand information from her, to not let Carter have the chance to respond and flirt with her in the way that always makes his heart ache with longing, but Carter gets there first.

"LAPD. We're looking for Andre Cricks," Carter tells her and Lee's eyes dart over to him in surprise at the lack of flirtation in his voice. Carter is showing her his badge but his eyes flick over to Lee for a the briefest of moments and then down and away, something in his expression that Lee hasn't seen there before and can't quite name. "Do you know where he is?"

"He's out back, checking the inventory," she answers looking startled and jerking a thumb at the door behind her marked 'staff only'. "Is he in some kind of trouble?"

"Yes," Lee tells her bluntly, still surprised by the fact that Carter isn't taking the opportunity to flirt with her. He moves past her to get to the door and hears Carter sigh behind him. He knows his partner prefers to be a bit more tactful with people but Lee doesn't always have the patience for that. He opens the door and peers into the short corridor beyond. There are two doors leading off of it, one of which is open to show a small break room, which means the other must lead to the store room.

"We need to ask him a few questions," he hears Carter say behind him as he moves around the counter to stand at Lee's side. "I'm afraid we're going to have to take him down the station."

"But what's he..." she starts to ask but Lee is already slipping into the hallway, Carter close behind him and she trails off as they leave her behind. They stop outside the door to the storeroom and Carter draws his gun as Lee pushes it cautiously open. Rows of shelves greet them, filled with cardboard boxes piled one on top of the other, but there is no sign of Andre.

They creep inside, casting their eyes around for him, but just as the door clicks shut behind them there is a second unmistakable click of a gun's safety being taken off.

"Drop the gun," a voice says from behind them and Lee turns slowly to find Andre Cricks stood just a few feet away, holding a gun that is aimed right at him. Beside him Carter starts to turn around too and Andre jerks the gun to point at him. "I said drop it!"

"Alright, alright," Carter says quickly, bending slowly to place his gun on the ground and then straightening up with raised hands.

"Heard you're here to take me in," Andre says and Lee realizes that their voices must have carried from the front of the store.

"We have your fingerprints at the crime scene," he tells him and Andre fixes his eyes on him even as he keeps the gun pointed at Carter. Something cold coils through Lee's chest at the sight of that, at the sight of the very real danger Carter is in, but there's not much he can do about it when Andre is watching him. If he makes a move forward Andre will shoot Carter before he can reach him.

"I'm not going with you," Andre tells them, a deadly calm in his voice that says he means business, and Lee watches him carefully, trying to decide what Andre's plan here is, whether he is willing to kill them or just incapacitate them.

"Let's talk here then," Carter says reasonably but Andre doesn't look pacified.

"You're just trying to stall." He gestures down with the gun. "On your knees. Now."

His eyes flick between both of them and Lee wishes he could get just one opportunity to do something but Andre is watching them both too closely. He shifts slightly, trying to figure out a plan and Andre turns the gun on him instead.

"I said on your knees!" he orders. His hand is steady as it aims the gun at him but his finger twitches on the trigger as if he wants to pull it and Lee knows then that this man isn't intending to merely incapacitate them.

"You're not going to shoot us," Carter tells him suddenly, a cocky certainty in his voice that makes Andre frown and Lee hope that he knows what he's doing.

The gun swings across to point at Carter. "And why's that?"

"You couldn't even shoot the security guard at the bank, even when you found out he'd called the cops," Carter says, his expression turning disdainful, never mind the fact that they knew it was only because his gun had jammed and he hadn't been able to make the shot despite his best efforts. "What d'you not like the sight of blood or something? Does it make you come over all faint? Big, tough guy like you scared of a little blood, is that it?"

Lee can hardly believe Carter has just said that and neither can Andre if the way he stares at him is anything to go by.

"I'll show you exactly how I feel about a bit of blood," he growls, voice low and dangerous, and Lee's blood runs cold at the dark look in his eyes and the way they are fixed on Carter. But, he realizes, that might have been the point. He edges forward slightly and Andre doesn't react, too focused on Carter to see what Lee is doing.

"Sure thing," Carter says, sounding completely unaffected by the threat, but Lee hears the barely there catch in his breath that says he is scared. "But first, do you need me to call your mommy so she can hold your hand while you shoot me?"

"You bastard," Andre hisses, his finger tightening on the trigger as he takes a furious step forwards, and a jolt of fear shoots through Lee but it also gives him the perfect opportunity to make his move and he doesn't waste it. He's on him in a heartbeat, lashing out to knock the gun from his hand before he can fire it and then hitting him as hard as he can.

Andre staggers backwards with a yell but gathers himself quickly and lowers his shoulders to charge Lee, slamming into him and sending them both crashing into the nearest shelving unit. It tips back slightly under their weight but it doesn't fall and when Lee brings a knee up into Andre's groin and shoves him backwards, the shelving unit rights itself as they stumble away.

Lee doesn't give Andre time to recover, instead charging straight in again and hitting him with a flurry of blows that he tries to tell himself has nothing to do with the fear that had coursed through him at the sight of Andre aiming that gun at Carter. Andre retreats under the onslaught, attempting to throw his own punches in response but Lee is too quick for him, too angry at Andre for trying to hurt Carter, to angry at Carter for goading him in the first place, and too angry at himself for reacting this way to it.

He hits Andre again, heedless of the way Andre's own fist connects with his side, and the man staggers backwards, losing his balance and tumbling to the floor. He tries to struggle to his feet again but Lee has no intention of letting him do that, even if there is a part of him that would really like to hit him again for threatening Carter.

He grabs roughly at him and forces Andre over onto his front, pinning his arms behind him and then cuffing him quickly before finally looking up at Carter, breathing heavily as he catches the relief on his face.

"Well that went well," Carter says, a breathless attempt at humor, and Lee isn't sure if he wants to kiss him for being okay or throttle him for taking that kind of risk with such a dangerous man. He settles for hauling Andre to his feet, perhaps a little rougher than necessary, and trying to calm the rapid beating of his heart at the thought that he could have lost Carter.

~~~

"That was stupid and reckless!" Lee says the moment they are inside Carter's apartment, rounding on his partner with the kind of anger born of fear. He had held himself back in front of their suspect and then in front of their colleagues at the precinct but he can't keep it in any longer.

"What, no 'thanks for saving my life, Carter'?" Carter scowls in response. "He would have shot you if I hadn't distracted him. You're welcome, by the way!"

"You could have been killed!" Lee tells him angrily, furious at the risk Carter had taken and even more furious at the jolt of terror that had shot through him when he had seen that gun pointed at Carter.

"I had it handled!" Carter exclaims and Lee turns away from him, pacing the room in frustration.

"He was going to shoot you. If I hadn't-"

"But you did!" Carter cuts him off. "I knew you could take him out. I just had to keep him distracted from you so that you could do your ninja thing. And it worked!"

"It was still reckless!" Lee doesn't know what to do with the mixture of anger and worry lodged inside him and he spins on his heel to face Carter, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "You were goading him! He could have shot you at any moment!"

"I knew what I was doing!" Carter shouts back, throwing his arms in the air. "And don't pretend you wouldn't have done the same thing. You act like I'm the reckless one but you know what? You're just as bad! You put yourself in danger all the time!"

He jabs an accusing finger at Lee. "And apparently it's okay when it's perfect Lee doing it but the moment I do it, it's 'stupid and reckless'. Well I'm calling bullshit right now! You're always doing this kind of thing and I don't give you shit for it because it's our _job_ and it _works_. So don't you give me shit right now when that's all I was doing, my job!"

He stops, panting for breath, and Lee looks at him wide eyed for a moment. He has never seen Carter get like this before and he had never realized how his own actions might seem in comparison to Carter's.

"I didn't realize," he says quietly and the anger seems to drain from Carter's face.

"Well now you do," he says, his own voice softening. "And I let you get away with it because it's your job and you're good at it. Don't mean I don't worry though."

He looks slightly embarrassed at admitting that and he clears his throat self-consciously, shifting awkwardly on the spot. It has Lee wanting to admit to the worry that coils through him too but the words stick in his throat and he can't get them out. Carter doesn't look like he expects any return of the sentiment though and they fall silent for a moment until Carter takes a tentative step forward.

"Y'know," he says, the hint of a mischievous smile beginning to creep onto his face, "there's this thing called make up sex..."

For a moment Lee gives him an incredulous look that he is thinking about that right now but his own body is thrumming with a mixture of frustration and worry, and suddenly all he wants is to feel Carter's body against his, to feel that he is safe and well.

"C'mon, Lee," Carter starts to say, his voice turning seductive in a clear attempt to encourage Lee into this but Lee doesn't need any more encouraging and he cuts him off by striding forward and claiming his mouth in a bruising kiss that is all teeth and tongue.

It's hard and fast, and their hands grasp at each other needily, the tension of the last few minutes being diverted into this. Lee bites at Carter's lower lip and grabs his ass to pull him closer, pressing them together as hard as he can. Carter makes a desperate sound into his mouth and Lee's hands slide up under his t shirt, roaming over bare skin before grabbing the hem and yanking it up and over his head, their mouths parting for only the briefest of moments it takes to rid him of the garment.

Then they are kissing again, hot and needy. Lee pushes his tongue between Carter's lips, mapping his mouth greedily and pushing against him so that Carter's body bows backwards and his hands grasp at Lee's shoulders for support.

His fingers dig in hard enough to bruise as he clutches at him but Lee relishes the touch, kisses him harder until he can't breathe anymore. They pull apart gasping for air and Lee's hands fumble hurriedly with the buttons of his own shirt, getting it open as quickly as he can and shrugging it off to fall to the floor.

Carter's hands immediately find his chest, tracing the lines of muscle, and Lee dives in for another kiss, hands grasping at any part of him that he can reach. Carter makes a helpless sound into his mouth and Lee reaches for his belt, yanking at it and then shoving Carter's jeans and underwear down around his thighs.

He grasps at Carter's bare ass, squeezing it hard and hauling him up so that Carter is forced onto the tips of his toes as he tries to return the kiss, his arms wrapping around Lee's shoulders for support.

"Fuck, I love it when you get riled up," Carter gasps dazedly when they part and Lee ducks his head to bite at his throat, scraping his teeth against Carter's skin. He feels dizzy with want, overheated with the arousal burning through him. He wants Carter so badly that he can't make himself hold back but Carter doesn't seem to mind at all, making encouraging sounds as Lee holds him on the tips of his toes and presses hard kisses down his neck.

He takes a few steps forward, Carter stumbling uncoordinatedly at the movement when Lee refuses to lower him to his feet, and pushes Carter against the wall hard. He releases his hold of Carter's ass and reaches for his own belt, unbuckling it and pushing his pants and underwear down kicking his way out of them even as he presses against Carter again and grinds their bodies together.

The both moan at the feeling, at the wonderful friction that sends heady arousal surging through them and Lee slots their mouths together again, kissing Carter as hard as he can. He feels Carter shift against him, feels the movement of his legs as he awkwardly rids himself of his jeans and then they are both completely naked, pressed against the wall and grinding against each other with low grunts of pleasure.

Lee thrusts harder against him, sliding their cocks together roughly and Carter whines into his mouth, tries to press into each of Lee's movements. It's intoxicating having Carter like this, both of them lost in each other and rutting helplessly together. Lee can hardly breathe with it but he knows they need lube for what comes next and he forces himself to pull away, panting heavily for breath.

"Stay there," he tells Carter firmly before stepping away. Carter makes an unhappy sound at the separation but he stays where he is, slumped naked against the wall, his lips kiss swollen and his cock hard and erect between his legs. It's a glorious sight and Lee almost dives back in again, his hands itching to reach out and touch him again.

He has to turn away with great difficulty and he hurries into the bathroom to find the lube stashed there, grabbing it with eager hands and rushing back to his partner. In moments he is pressed against him again, kissing him fiercely and hitching one of his legs over his hip. He grinds their cocks together again and Carter groans into the kiss, his hands grasping at Lee for balance.

Lee relinquishes his grip on Carter's leg just long enough to get the lube open and pour a generous amount onto his fingers, and then he is grasping his thigh again, pulling his leg even higher. He uses his grip to pull Carter's hips away from the wall, giving himself enough room to slip his other hand down behind him to press slick fingers against his entrance.

Carter's breathing hitches at the touch and Lee presses a finger in slowly, starting to work him open. Carter wobbles slightly, left balancing on one leg, and his hands tighten on Lee's shoulders to keep himself steady. His shoulders are still pressed against the wall, his back arching slightly where Lee had pulled his hips forward but Lee holds him firmly in place and keeps him from falling.

He presses another finger in, rubbing over Carter's prostate with each dragging movement and Carter moans loudly, trying to rock his hips down despite his precarious positioning. Lee twists his fingers inside him and Carter writhes against him, making sounds of pleasure that make Lee's head spin with arousal.

"Come on, just fuck me already," Carter pleads but Lee shakes his head.

"It will hurt if you are not properly prepared," he tells him, edging another finger in and massaging his prostate to soothe against the uncomfortable pressure.

"I don't care!" Carter cries out, his head tipping back against the wall with a faint thud as Lee rubs at his prostate again and again.

"Yes you do," he tells him as he stretches him open slowly and Carter groans in frustration, pressing down onto his fingers as much as he can in his current position. He doesn't try to argue any more though and Lee continues the pressing slide of his fingers, feeling Carter relax around them slowly.

Eventually he decides that Carter is stretched enough and he pulls his fingers out slowly, drawing a low whine from him. He kisses him then, swallowing that sound down and rekindling some of the fierce heat that had been between them earlier, his hand tightening on Carter's thigh as the kiss turns hard. Arousal sings in his veins and he wants Carter so badly that he can barely function.

He grinds against him once and moans at the feeling before reaching down to grab at Carter's other thigh and lift him off of his feet. Carter yelps loudly at the action and flails uncoordinatedly for a moment before he gets his arms around Lee's neck. Lee presses him against the wall hard to keep him in position and tugs at Carter's legs until they are around his waist.

It's not the easiest position to maintain, holding up most of Carter's weight while the wall does the rest but the way Carter swears against him makes it worthwhile.

" _Shit,_ Lee! Why didn't you tell me you could do this?" he gasps out, his eyes dark with desire, and Lee huffs out a laugh against his neck.

"I did not know you would like it so much," he says, maneuvering Carter as best he can until his cock presses against his entrance. It's not the most coordinated or graceful thing they've ever done and the way Carter's body has to curl to allow him access can't be entirely comfortable but then he is sliding inside and nothing else matters anymore.

"Fuck yeah I like it," Carter groans, his eyes pressing closed as Lee settles inside him and they both gasp for breath. Lee thrusts experimentally and then hitches Carter up in his arms to improve the positioning slightly and thrusts again. Carter moans against him and Lee seizes his mouth in a needy kiss as he starts up a rough rhythm that has him making low sounds of pleasure.

He can't maintain the kiss for long though and he has to pull away to pant for breath, grunting with exertion as he snaps his hips up, driving his cock into Carter as hard as he can. He presses his face into Carter's neck, biting roughly at his skin and drinking in the sounds Carter makes in response.

He feels like he could come already, the feel of Carter around his cock, hot and slick, leaving him overwhelmed with desire. Each thrust he makes sends pleasure searing wildly through him and he moans into Carter's neck, breathing heavily with effort as he holds him up and fucks him with abandon.

" _Yes,_ " Carter hisses, his hands clawing at Lee's shoulders. "Just like that. Come on, just like that."

Lee pulls his head back to look at him, groans at the expression on Carter's face, wild with pleasure as they fuck, and he finds his hips jerking erratically as he nears his climax, pumping into Carter with all the force he can muster.

"So good," Carter keens against him, his back arching in pleasure. "So fucking good."

Lee thrusts again and again, his hands gripping at Carter's thighs so tightly that he is dimly aware he might leave bruises but neither of them seems to care right then. He is so close, so desperately, mindlessly close and he puts everything he has into each jerking thrust of his hips, his skin damp with sweat from the exertion of it.

Carter wails with pleasure and then his head is tipping back as he comes, clenching around Lee's cock and driving him over the edge too with a desperate cry as his vision whites out and everything else is swept away by intense pleasure.

They are lucky he manages to maintain his hold on Carter, but when he comes back to himself he still has him pressed securely against the wall and he presses their foreheads together as they both gasp for breath.

"Fuck, that was..." Carter tries to say, sounding dazed, but he seems too lost for words to continue and really that is more of a compliment than anything he could possibly have said.

They stay like that for a few moments, breathing heavily, and Lee tries to convince his body to move again. His muscles are starting to ache from the strain of holding Carter up and he knows he can't do it for much longer, not when he feels shaky and sated from his orgasm.

He lifts Carter slightly and shifts his own hips so that he can pull out of him, feels Carter shiver at the action. He releases one of Carter's legs and lets him set it down shakily before letting go of the other. Carter manages to get his feet under him but after only a moment they give out and Lee has to catch him and hold him up, pressing Carter between him and the wall.

Carter laughs weakly and keeps his arms wrapped around Lee for support. "Shit, man. I think I'm gonna need a minute. Or maybe ten."

He rests his forehead against Lee's shoulder and Lee can feel the still rapid rhythm of his breathing. "Ain't never been lifted during sex before," Carter says into his skin, sounding slightly awed by it. "Damn that was hot."

Lee can't help the satisfied flash of pride he feels at that and he lets his mouth curl into a small smile that Carter can't see as he carries on holding him in place, their bodies pressed together as they simply breath against each other. Minutes pass and they stay like that, pressed against the wall as they recover in each other's arms.

"Do you think you can walk yet?" Lee asks after he has given him a couple of minutes, running a hand down Carter's side as he continues to keep him upright.

"No," Carter mumbles into his neck but he sounds like he's just saying it for the sake of it and his legs have stopped shaking. "You might have to carry me."

Lee knows he's joking but there's something enticing about the idea and he leans down to grip Carter's thighs again, lifting him into his arms once more. Carter laughs at the action, his arms tightening around Lee's neck as his feet leave the floor.

"I was joking!" he exclaims but there's a delighted smile on his face and so Lee doesn't put him down again. Instead he turns and carries him across the room towards the couch. His tired muscles protest at the further exertion but Carter is grinning brightly and laughing so he can ignore a few aches.

He sets him down carefully on the couch and Carter relaxes his arms from around his shoulders and then lets go as he slumps backwards, taking up most of the couch with sprawling limbs. Lee starts to fit himself into what little space is left, sitting upright just next to his hip, his eyes tracing the relaxed line of Carter's body and the sated look on his face, but before he can get himself comfortable Carter is reaching out to tug at his shoulders.

"Get down here, man," he says, a contented smile on his lips, and he pulls at Lee until he ends up laying between Carter's legs, his head on his shoulder. It's a startlingly intimate thing to do when this is supposed to just be a casual arrangement but Lee goes willingly, hardly able to believe Carter is allowing this, had instigated it himself when there was no need to be in each other's space.

He settles on top of him and lets his eyes flutter shut for a moment, enjoying the warmth of Carter's body and the way he curls his arms around Lee. A part of him wonders if that is purely instinctive or if he actually wants to hold Lee like that but either way Carter's arms are warm and comforting around him and he wants to enjoy it for as long as Carter will let him.

He tips his head into Carter's neck and a sudden surge of courage has him pressing a kiss to the skin there and sliding his arm around Carter in return, his heart fluttering as he wonders if Carter will allow him this too. Carter hums quietly, a pleased note in it, and one of his hands comes up to stroke down the back of Lee's neck, fingertips gentle against his skin as he toys with the ends of his hair. It feels almost unreal, like one of the warm and lazy dreams that he sometimes falls into, dreams where Carter loves him back and they share moments like this as a matter of course.

He wants to ask Carter why he is doing this, wants to ask if it means anything other than a desire for warmth and contact but he doesn't think he can stand to hear the answer because, despite the desperate wishes of his heart, his mind knows that there can't be anything else to it and to contemplate it is just to hurt himself further.

What hurts even more though is the knowledge that he could have lost Carter earlier today, that if he had been even a little bit slower he could have been mourning him instead of laying in his arms, and he tightens his hold on him without even thinking about it, thinks instead about the way Carter had said that he worries and the answering worry that fills him up at the thought of the danger he had put himself in.

"I worry about you too," he finds himself admitting, quiet and vulnerable, and it's not the kind of thing he really wants to be saying when they are laying like that because it feels awfully easy to start admitting to all kinds of other things too. Carter's hand stills on the back of his neck for a moment before resuming its movements and Lee hopes he hasn't said too much.

"I'm sorry I worried you," Carter says softly and this suddenly feels even more intimate than it had before, far more intimate than a lot of the other things they've done together. Lee swallows hard against the emotion that wells up in his chest.

"I understand why you did it." He takes a slow breath. "And you were right. I often put myself in danger too. I should not have been angry at you for doing the same thing."

"Hey, I get it, man. It freaks me out when you do something that could get you killed and sometimes I just want to grab you and shake you for it." The hand that isn't on Lee's neck pushes at his shoulder, shaking him gently and Lee finds himself smiling into his skin. "But that's the job. There's always a risk. And you know what? I fell a helluva lot safer when I'm with you."

He sounds completely sincere and Lee's breath catches in his throat because they don't usually say things like that. They hadn't even wanted to admit that they were best friends when Didi pushed them to and now here Carter is telling him that he makes him feel safe. He tries to figure out what he could possibly say in response to that but he is lost for words and Carter is still touching him so gently that he finds himself getting even more lost.

"You do?" he asks, feeling breathless and off kilter.

"Yeah but don't let it go to your head, alright? You're bad enough as it is." There's teasing affection in his voice and it sounds much more like the way they usually are with each other, enough so that Lee feels a lot more stable, reassured by Carter's return to normalcy, because he doesn't know how to deal with their brief foray into a more emotional discussion, doesn't know how to cope with those kinds of topics without starting to hope in ways that will only break his heart.

They lapse into silence, Carter's hand continuing to stroke his neck, and Lee basks in the attention, happy to stay right there, whatever Carter's reasons for doing this. He doesn't know how long they stay like that but he cherishes every blissful moment of it, content to lay in the arms of the man he loves with all his heart. It's wonderfully peaceful and he lets himself relax into it, drinking in the feel of Carter's hands on him and the movement of his chest beneath him as he breathes slowly.

"I still can't believe you picked me up," Carter says a while later, even as his hand continues its gentle ministrations. "We have to do that again."

"You'll have to give me a while first," Lee mumbles into his skin, half lost in the contented haze Carter is sending him into, and Carter chuckles quietly.

"I didn't mean right now," he says, a smile in his voice, and Lee tips his head up to see the curve of his lips, resting his chin on Carter's shoulder so that he can look at him. "Although I wouldn't say no if you were offering."

He meets Lee's eyes and grins at him before pressing fingertips to Lee's chin to lift his head and seal their lips together in a searching kiss that Lee can't help sighing into. Carter's arm tightens around him, his hand grasping at his skin as they kiss deeply and warm desire starts to stir in Lee's veins again. When they pull apart, Carter looks up at him with a heated expression and rolls his hips up against him, dragging a low groan from Lee's throat.

"What do you say? Wanna go again?" Carter asks and Lee drags a hand down the length of his side until it reaches his hip, feeling warm skin beneath his fingertips.

"I don't think I can lift you again right now," he warns but Carter doesn't seem at all deterred, his eyes drifting down to Lee's lips.

"Mmm we can do that again another time," he says easily, his gaze still fixed on his mouth. His arm loosens from around Lee as his hand slides down to grope his ass. "For now, I'm sure we can think of loads of things you still have the energy for."

His eyes flick up to meet Lee's again, a wicked glint in them as he squeezes his ass and Lee really can't resist any part of this, doesn't even want to. He leans down to kiss him again with a groan of desire, sliding his tongue into his mouth to taste him as their touches start to grow more heated, attraction sparking between them once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!


	12. Chapter 12

Lee finishes washing his hands and turns to dry them on the towel that hangs just next to the sink in Carter's bathroom. He can hear the muffled voices of Carter and Gerald carrying through the wall from the lounge and he wishes wistfully that Gerald hadn't chosen this evening to turn up unannounced.

He had been happily sprawled on top of Carter on the couch, his tongue in his mouth and one hand on his thigh when a knock at the door had signaled Gerald's arrival and Carter had pulled away to get it. They had barely done anything but Lee had still been reluctant to let go of him, although he supposes he should be glad that they hadn't had to make a mad rush for their clothes like they would have had to if they had been naked.

But, he muses, it might have been easier to convince Carter to ignore the door if they had been. As it was, Carter had opened it and Gerald had barged in, making himself at home with familiar ease and not looking like he was going to be leaving anytime soon. Carter had shot him an apologetic look behind Gerald's back before falling into a friendly argument with his cousin over a childhood incident that they both seemed to remember differently, and Lee had rolled his eyes fondly and settled in to listen to their good natured bickering.

Now he turns away from the sink, reaching for the door and starting to open it, already listening for whatever they are talking about now, expecting teasing or maybe another childish argument, but what he hears instead is Gerald asking "so what's up with you and Lee?"

Lee freezes in the doorway as Carter says "I don't know what you mean," an attempt at denial that sounds just a touch too casual to be true, and Lee knows he should make his presence known but he finds himself unable to do that, stuck motionless in the doorway. A guilty part of him that just wants to hear what Carter will say whispers that he should step back into the bathroom where he won't be seen if either of them turn around but he can't make himself do that either.

"I mean the way you two look at each other. I ain't stupid Cuz," Gerald says. "Are you two together or what?"

Carter makes a choked sound at the direct question and Gerald laughs.

"You so are!"

"We're not!" Carter rushes to say, waving one hand in a hushing motion at Gerald's less than quiet exclamation. "We're just..." He trails off, sounding unsure what to say.

"Just what?"

"We're just messing around," Carter finally answers sounding pained, like he would rather be talking about anything else, and Lee's heart aches at those words.

"You sure about that?" Gerald asks, sounding knowing and Lee prays that Gerald hasn't picked up on his feelings for Carter too. Didi he can trust to keep his secret but he's not so sure about Gerald.

"'Course I'm sure," Carter hisses, his head turning as if he wants to dart a look towards the bathroom but to Lee's relief he doesn't actually turn to look. There's a tense edge to his voice, a discomfort that makes Lee feel guilty for listening to this.

"So you're what, friends with benefits?" Gerald asks and Lee sees Carter nod. "Carter you dawg!"

Carter lets out an embarrassed sounding laugh and it looks like he might elbow Gerald in the side. "Shut up," he says but it sounds much more at ease than the tension of a few moments ago and there's a smile in his voice.

"Now you know I gotta ask," Gerald says, lowering his voice conspiratorially, and Lee has to strain his ears to hear. "What's he like?"

Carter makes another choked sound at the question. "Gerald!"

"What? You can't just tell me you're screwing him and expect me not to ask questions."

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Carter tells him, sounding mortified, and Lee isn't sure whether he wants this conversation to continue or not. On the one hand he really doesn't want Gerald to know anything about their sex life but on the other, well he can't help being curious about what Carter might say. It's strange that Carter is so embarrassed by this. Lee has heard him and Gerald gossiping about people they've slept with on many an occasion and there had never been a hint of embarrassment to it. Maybe it's that Gerald knows him too or maybe it's that Lee is Carter's best friend but either way it has him reacting differently from usual and Lee can't quite make sense of it when Carter is usually so shameless about it all.

"Aw c'mon, man," Gerald pleads. "The guy's got a giant stick up his ass. Does he even know how to let loose?"

"Hey! He's not that bad," Carter defends, even though he has said exactly the same thing himself before, and there is a protective edge to it that has Lee feeling warm at the sound of it. There's a pause and Gerald seems to be studying Carter carefully.

"Man, you've really got it bad, don't you?" he says quietly and Lee's heartbeat kicks up a notch. He wonders desperately what it is that Gerald is seeing in Carter's expression, wonders even more desperately if he is right.

"Don't be stupid," Carter says in a rush. "It's just sex. That's it."

"Really? 'Cause-" Gerald starts to ask, sounding dubious.

"Really," Carter cuts him off almost brusquely. "We agreed when this first started. It can't be anything else."

It hurts to hear that. Lee has always known it but that doesn't stop the pang of sorrow that runs through him and he squeezes his eyes shut for a second, wondering if listening to this was a big mistake after all.

There's a moment of pause and Lee hears Gerald sigh. "Whatever you say, man. But you ever wanna talk about it then I'm your guy, okay Cuz?"

"Okay," Carter agrees quietly and there's something in that word that Lee can't quite understand. It's something like sad or wistful but neither of those make sense and then a second later Gerald is talking again and the sound of it slips away.

"You never answered my question though," Gerald says with a grin in his voice. "He uh...know what he's doing?"

It's said with heavy suggestion and Lee can't see them properly with the way they are facing away from him but he suspects there might have been a less than subtle facial expression to go with it. There's a few moments of silence and Lee can see Carter watching Gerald.

"He really does," he says eventually and Gerald makes a triumphant sound at finally getting him to talk.

"Go on," he says eagerly, the way he has always done when Lee has heard the two of them talk about their conquests in the past. If there's one thing he knows about Gerald, it's that he loves gossip.

"I mean, I never thought he'd be like this, you know? He's so serious most of the time and I know he's not always like that. There's this other side of him that's funny and caring and..." he clears his throat. "But I still never thought he'd have this side to him, y'know? And fuck, he's got the body of one of them Greek statues. Shit, man, I don't think I could ever have muscles like that. And I get to have him in my bed. And anywhere else I can get him..."

He grins at Gerald and they both giggle like schoolboys. Lee's face is burning with embarrassment now but they seem to be enjoying themselves and Lee can't really begrudge Carter the opportunity to talk about this, can't bring himself to turn away either because Carter is saying these things about _him_ and it's filling him with a strange sort of pride.

"And there's this thing he does with his tongue when he kisses me and I just...ugh," Carter groans, tipping his head back against the couch and Lee is caught off guard by the things that sound does to him, by the things Carter's words do to him. He wants to hear more but he must make a sound of some sort because both their heads snap round to look at him, matching surprise in their expressions before Carter's turns embarrassed and the slightest bit dismayed while Gerald's turns almost gleeful.

"Hey, man, we were just talking about you," Gerald says, looking between them in amusement. "And now I totally get why you wouldn't let me set you up. You were already getting a little something something, am I right Cuz?"

He's grinning widely at them and he looks completely unashamed of himself, despite the mortified sound that Carter makes at his words.

"Gerald was just leaving!" Carter blurts out suddenly, elbowing his cousin in the ribs and giving him a significant look as he tries desperately to shove him into moving.

"What? Oh right, yeah, yeah I should be going," Gerald agrees, still looking thoroughly entertained as he scrambles up off of the couch. "Leave you two to...talk, y'know."

"That's not... We're not going to..." Carter splutters at the implication of the words and Gerald looks like he doesn't believe him at all.

"Sure, Cuz," he says with a wink. "You guys carry on with your not booty call."

He laughs to himself and Lee isn't sure who looks more embarrassed, Carter or himself. He can only stand and watch as Gerald makes his way to the door, looking far too happy for someone who'd just caused such an awkward situation. "You two have fun!" he calls back and Carter makes a horrified sound, burying his head in his hands to hide his face.

The door clicks shut but they can still hear Gerald chuckling to himself as he walks away, the sound slowly fading away until it disappears. There's a moment of almost stunned silence as they both try to recover from it all and then Carter groans in embarrassment.

"I'm never talking to him about this kind of thing ever again," he says, the words muffled by the way his hands are still pressed firmly over his face and Lee inexplicably wants to go to him and offer words of comfort but then Carter is looking up at him, apology in his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. Gerald can be a bit..." He trails off, waving a hand vaguely as if he could encompass all that Gerald is, and Lee nods in understanding.

"It's...okay," he tells him awkwardly and Carter looks relieved for a moment before trepidation creeps into his expression.

"So... how much of that did you hear?" he asks cautiously and Lee isn't sure what Carter is worried about. He hadn't said anything worse than the things Gerald had been merrily implying. Still he wants to alleviate at least some of Carter's embarrassment.

"Not much," he says carefully and Carter seems to relax a bit, rising from the couch and coming around it to stand before him. He shifts awkwardly for a moment and Lee almost wishes he didn't find that so endearing but he's given up wishing Carter didn't inspire all these feelings in him.

"Hey, I really am sorry about that," Carter apologizes. "I didn't mean for him to figure it out."

"It's okay," Lee says again and this time the words come more easily. He watches as Carter smiles up at him, his shoulders loosening in relief, and then he is stepping forward into Lee's space, reaching up to slide his arms around Lee's neck and tugging him down.

"You're the best," he murmurs against Lee's lips and then he kisses him, deepening it until they are kissing hungrily and pressing against each other. It's exactly what Lee needs right then and he kisses back, letting his hands settle on Carter's waist and edging fingertips up under the hem of his shirt.

Carter makes a breathy sound when Lee's hand slides further up, skimming over warm skin, and he kisses him harder, all eager enthusiasm.

Lee can't help the amusement that rushes through him at that. "I thought you told him we weren't going to be doing this," he says when they pull apart to breath and Carter pulls a face at him.

"Fuck it, he already thinks we are," Carter says breathlessly. "And I had _plans_ for tonight. I ain't about to lose out on this just because Gerald can't keep his mouth shut. Unless you wanna stop, that is?"

It's said almost teasingly, content in the knowledge that neither of them want to stop, but Lee still shakes his head anyway, just to make sure Carter knows that. He thinks of the way Carter had talked about him earlier, the clear attraction in his voice and the way he had talked about his kisses.

"What thing do I do with my tongue when I kiss you?" he asks curiously, remembering the sound Carter had made when he'd mentioned it and wanting desperately to know what it was that inspired that sound so that he can do it again and again just to hear that sound.

Carter's lips curve up into a loose smirk. "Might be easier if I show you," he says, voice low and seductive, and then he is pulling Lee into another kiss, licking between his lips and sliding his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Lee recognizes the action, even if it's not exactly what he does, and he immediately returns the gesture, a thrill running through him when Carter shivers against him and moans into his mouth.

"I didn't realize you liked that so much," Lee says breathlessly as he pulls away from him a moment later, awed by his reaction because he had thought he'd discovered all the things that Carter particularly liked but here was a new one for his mental collection.

Carter grins at him. "Can't go revealing all my secrets in one go, can I?"

Lee makes a quiet sound that is neither agreement or disagreement but some contented mixture of the two. He wants to know all of Carter's secrets but at the same time delights in discovering each little thing he hadn't known before. So instead of asking what other secrets Carter might have, he settles for uncovering them one at a time and hopes he can have this for long enough to find at least a few more.

"You mentioned plans for tonight," he murmurs, watching Carter's smile, and Carter's expression brightens even further.

"I did. Remember body shots?" he asks and Lee's heart flutters in anticipation because he _definitely_ remembers body shots. "I'll take that as a 'yes'," Carter grins, hands already working on the buttons of Lee's shirt. "'Cause you did say we could do it again sometime and I figured..."

He trails off, leaving the idea hovering in the air between them as he looks up at him expectantly, and Lee ducks his head to kiss him, starts to steer him towards the bedroom in response.

"I think that is one of your better plans," he tells him between kisses and he actually gets to feel Carter pout against his lips.

"Hey! Are you sayin' there's something wrong with the rest of my plans? Because, I'm telling you-"

The rest of his words are cut off by Lee's mouth as he kisses him into silence, or almost silence given the way Carter muffles a laugh into the kiss, his hands coming up to grip Lee's shoulders and pull him in tighter against him.

From there it doesn't take long for them to make it into the bedroom, shedding clothes along the way, and then Carter is pressing him into the bed, his mouth hot on Lee's as his hands trace blazing trails across his skin. They kiss deeply, hungrily, and Carter slots their bodies together, all heated skin and wandering hands as he explores Lee's mouth with his tongue.

It has Lee feeling breathless, intoxicated, and they haven't even started the alcohol that Carter has no doubt stashed nearby for this. Carter mouths down his neck and Lee can only gasp and tip his head back to give him better access, moaning when Carter's teeth scrape against his collarbone.

"Carter," he pants, his hands gripping at any part of Carter he can reach but then Carter is sitting back, his mouth leaving Lee's skin and leaving him feeling suddenly bereft.

"I think we might be missing a vital ingredient here," Carter tells him with a grin and then he's clambering off of him, batting easily at Lee's hands when they try to hold onto him. "Come on, man, I'm not going far and trust me it's gonna be so much better with this."

He bends down beside the nightstand and produces a bottle before turning back to Lee with a cocky smile. He steps back towards the bed, running a hand through Lee's hair when he sits up to meet him and ducking his head so that he can kiss him with a slowness that somehow banks the fire in Lee's veins even higher.

When he pulls away, Lee blinks up at him dazedly, his hands sliding around Carter's waist to press against his back in an attempt to pull him closer. He wants him back on the bed with him, wants to feel the hot press of his body and the rush of his skin, but Carter stands his ground, turning his eyes to the bottle in his hand and getting the lid off in a quick motion.

He tips the bottle up to take a swig and then ducks down to press his mouth to Lee's letting the liquid flow into his mouth too, just as he had done the first time they did this. Lee drinks it down happily and turns the contact into a kiss, sliding his tongue against the roof of Carter's mouth and tugging him forwards at the same time as he puts his newly found knowledge to use.

It earns him a muffled groan and Carter tips forwards, his hand finding Lee's shoulder to support himself, and Lee takes the opportunity to keep pulling until Carter follows him down easily and he ends up sprawled on the bed with Carter on top of him.

"You're gonna keep using that against me now, aren't you," Carter gasps out as Lee's hands start to wander over the skin of his back but he doesn't sound particularly displeased about it and so Lee kisses him again, licks at the roof of his mouth to earn another shivering groan.

"You keep doing that and we're not gonna get to enjoy this," Carter tells him when they break apart, panting, waving the bottle in his hand and Lee knows his expression isn't apologetic in the slightest. He's completely enthralled by this new piece of information he has and he wants to use it until Carter is out of his mind with want, wants to lick at his mouth until Carter is a shivering mess of desire against him.

He runs his fingers down Carter's back, lets them spread out across his ass as he grips it to pull him closer and kiss him hungrily, pulling him tightly against him and rolling his hips up. His moan is answered by one of Carter's and for long minutes they stay like that, kissing heatedly as the bottle hangs almost forgotten in Carter's hand.

Lee swipes his tongue once more at the roof of Carter's mouth and Carter tears away from the kiss with a gasp, his chest heaving as he pants for breath.

"You're really distracting, you know that, right?" Carter manages to say breathlessly and before Lee can answer he is pressing the bottle to Lee's mouth, tipping it up until it flows onto his tongue and then chasing the taste with his own tongue.

Lee makes a muffled sound into the kiss but he's not even sure what he's trying to say as he lets himself get lost in kisses that have the warm aftertaste of alcohol and then all too soon Carter is pulling away again.

"Turn over," he says against Lee's mouth, their lips still brushing as they breathe the same air.

"Hmm?"

"Turn over," Carter repeats, his voice soft and low, and Lee moves to comply before he's even really thought about it. Carter clambers off of him to give him space but, the moment Lee is settled on his front, he is there again, mouthing at the back of his neck and sliding a warm hand down his side.

His mouth pulls away but then there is the cool touch of liquid between his shoulder blades and Carter's mouth returns, his tongue pressing into Lee's skin as he licks it up. It feels wonderful and Lee practically melts into the covers as he basks in the attention. Carter's lips skim against the skin of his shoulder blade and then press an open mouthed kiss to the edge of it, and Lee hums contentedly as Carter pours more liquid down his spine and then chases after it with his tongue, lapping hotly at Lee's skin as he cleans him up.

He's suddenly overwhelmingly glad that Carter had wanted to do this again. His whole body is singing with arousal as he lays on his stomach with Carter mouthing down his back and pressing heated kisses to his spine.

Carter pours more onto him, lets it pool in the small of his back and then ducks his head to suck it up, lips and tongue pressing heat into his body everywhere they touch.

"It tastes so much better on your skin," Carter says, lapping at the last of it. He slides his mouth lower, pressing an open mouthed kiss to the cheek of Lee's ass, biting gently at his skin. "We should always drink like this."

He kisses at Lee's skin again and Lee shivers. "That might be hard to explain at Didi's."

Carter stops mid kiss to snigger against his skin, swatting lightly at Lee's thigh.

"Don't make me laugh while I'm trying to stick my tongue up your ass, man," he laughs and Lee lifts his head in surprise.

"Your to-" he starts to question but is cut off when Carter pulls his ass cheeks apart and licks his tongue over his hole, hot and wet and startlingly arousing. Lee yells out in surprised pleasure and then pants for breath when Carter does it again and again.

"Carter," he groans, pressing back helplessly and Carter's tongue pushes against him, the tip edging into him. Lee cries out again, his hands fisting in the bed sheets.

"Damn, if I'd known you were gonna be this responsive, I woulda stuck my tongue up your ass months ago," Carter says and Lee can hear the amused grin in his voice.

" _Carter,_ " he whines and feels Carter let out a huff of laughter but then his mouth is back on him again, his tongue pressing against his entrance and pushing inside.

He moans loudly and spreads his legs wider, desperate for more. Carter's tongue presses further in and he pants wildly for breath, his cock hard and leaking beneath him as liquid heat surges through him.

Carter's hands spread him wider, his tongue making slow thrusting movements, pressing into him and then pulling back again. It's more arousing than Lee ever thought it could be and he wants to push his ass up shamelessly, wants to come like this with Carter's tongue buried deep in his ass.

His hips twitch without him even thinking about it, grinding his cock down against the sheets in a desperate search for friction. Carter grips his hips tighter, pressing his face into Lee's ass and Lee whimpers at the feeling as his tongue slides hotly inside him, sending him into a hazy spin of arousal.

"Carter," he chokes out, his hands gripping the sheets so hard that his fingers ache with it. He pushes his ass up, his hips lifting off of the bed and Carter takes the opportunity to slip a hand between his legs and stroke his cock.

Lee cries out at the dual sensation and then moans loudly when Carter syncs the movements of his hand with the wet thrusts of his tongue. He knows he won't last long like this, can already feel his orgasm building within him. Carter tightens his hand on his cock and Lee moans desperately, pushing into his hand and then back into his tongue when Carter swirls it around his entrance.

"Please," he begs, past caring what he sounds like and Carter presses his tongue back in, slides it in as deep as he can go. He pumps Lee's cock roughly, curls his tongue at the same time, and then Lee is coming hard.

Carter strokes him through it, his fingers growing slick with Lee's come, and he pulls his mouth away from his ass so that he can press open mouthed kisses up his spine. When he is spent, Lee collapses forward onto the bed and Carter presses along his side, kissing slowly at his shoulder.

Lee wonders briefly where the bottle has disappeared too, spares a vague thought to hope that it isn't tipped over somewhere, but warm and sated as he is, he doesn't really care too much.

Carter's cock is hard against his hip and once he has recovered slightly Lee rolls onto his side and slides a hand down to curl around it. He strokes slowly and Carter gives a low, pleased moan, pressing closer and rolling his hips as he pushes into Lee's hand.

"Mind if I kiss you, given where my mouth's just been?" Carter pants and Lee slots their mouths together in answer, licking into his mouth without hesitation. He tastes strange and if he weren't still fuzzy from orgasm he might have thought twice about it but he figures that if Carter was willing to do that for him, the least he can do is kiss him for it.

Carter makes a happy sound into his mouth, his hands coming up to cup Lee's face in his palms as he kisses him harder and grinds into his hand.

Lee speeds up his movements, curls his hand tighter and listens to each of the moans that fall from Carter's lips, drinks in every sound he makes and swallows them down greedily, their mouths moving feverishly together as Carter nears his release.

He strokes him until Carter cries out against him, his whole body stiffening as he spills, warm and wet, over Lee's hand.

Carter stays pressed against him as he regains his breath and Lee pulls his hand away, enjoying the way Carter slides absent fingers down his side as he recovers. His hand is still covered in Carter's come and, rather than wipe it on the covers, he lifts it to his mouth and licks himself clean, tasting the bitter, slightly salty tang on his tongue.

" _Shit,_ Lee," Carter says and Lee looks across to find him watching him with dark eyes and a touch of heat in his expression.

"What?" Lee asks innocently, licking the last droplet from his hand and Carter's eyes follow the movement avidly.

"You're gonna be the death of me, y'know," Carter groans. "I only just came and already I just wanna..."

He groans again and cuts himself off to lean forward and kiss Lee hard, his hands pulling him close. Lee goes willingly, kisses back with everything he has and when they pull apart breathless he has no idea how much time has passed but he can feel the beginnings of arousal starting to stir within him again.

"The death of me," Carter says again, almost accusingly and Lee's mouth twitches into a smile.

"It will be a very nice death," he offers and Carter's hand tightens on his hip, his eyes darkening with desire.

"Don't I know it," he says and then they are kissing again, reaching for each other with desperate hands and falling into each other once more.

~~~

"What time is it?" Lee asks much later as he catches his breath, sprawled naked on the twisted sheets of Carter's bed. Carter makes an absent sound that is entirely unhelpful and Lee turns his head to look at the alarm clock himself, groans when he sees how late it is. He really doesn't want to have to make it all the way home before he can sleep.

He presses his face into the sheets and wishes he could just stay there for the rest of the night. But he knows that if he doesn't move soon, Carter will say something like 'I guess you should probably get going' or 'I can call you a cab if you like?' It always happens if he takes too long to get moving and he can practically hear Carter coming up with today's line to get him out of his bed.

Suddenly he can't bear to hear it, can't bear to hear that Carter wants him gone. He knows it's his way of drawing a line, of stopping this thing between them from being mistaken for something else, but he doesn't want to hear it again.

"I should go," he says preemptively so that he won't have to hear Carter say it, pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. He scrubs a tired hand over his face, aware of Carter watching him.

"You could crash here," Carter offers quietly and Lee turns to look at him. He knows Carter means on the couch; it's not the first time he's offered, not the first time Lee has accepted either. Sometimes he sleeps there when he doesn't have to be anywhere the next day and it's far too late for him to head home, when he doesn't want to disturb Didi and Derrick by creeping home in the early hours of the morning.

He never sleeps well though, always achingly aware of the fact that Carter is sleeping just a room away. He wishes he could creep into his room, curl into his arms and sleep there instead, but he knows that's not allowed so instead he lies there and wishes his life was different, wishes Carter loved him or that he didn't feel this desperate ache in his chest at the knowledge that he doesn't.

Still, it's better than finding his way home at this hour so he finds himself nodding.

"Okay," he agrees tiredly. "I'll find the bedding. I know where it is."

There's no sense Carter having to get up when he looks so comfortable, curled up with his head already resting on the pillow, loose limbed and relaxed.

Lee stands up and heads for the door but Carter stops him before he gets there.

"Lee?" he asks and Lee turns to look at him, watches as he rolls sleepily onto his back and tips his head up to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"You could stay here if you wanted," he says, patting the bed beside him, and Lee's heart thuds in his chest.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, man. I mean, the bed is big enough for both of us. It's kinda stupid you staying on the couch all the time. I know it's not that comfortable," Carter shrugs apologetically. "And it's not like we're not comfortable with each other physically."

Lee knows it's probably not the sensible choice. He'll only hurt his already abused heart more in the long run but he wants to stay with Carter so badly that it overrides his sense of self preservation.

"Okay," he says before he can over think it and he pads back around the bed and crawls into it, laying down cautiously on his side and pulling the covers over himself.

Carter offers him a lazy smile. "And hey, this way you can wake me up with morning sex," he says, sounding pleased with himself and Lee smiles fondly. He watches as Carter sits up to flick the light switch off, listens as he shuffles around in the darkness and makes himself comfortable.

"You better not hog the covers," Carter says in the dark and Lee snorts in amusement.

"Somehow I imagine you are more likely to do that."

"You might be right," Carter admits sounding completely unapologetic. Lee can hear the smile in his voice and he closes his eyes to imagine what it must look like. He wants to slide closer, wrap his arms around Carter and curl into him, but he's certain he'll be rebuffed if he tries that.

So he stays where he is, listens as Carter's breathing evens out and lets the sound of it soothe him to sleep too. His whole body feels warm and relaxed, the kind of relaxed that comes with several rounds of blissful sex, and it isn't long before he's dozing off, comforted by Carter's presence, even if he isn't allowed to touch him.

~~~

He dreams of holding Carter in his arms, of whispering the love he has hidden for so long into his ear and when he wakes the next morning, it's to find that they have moved closer in the night anyway. They are curled together in the center of the bed, their arms around each other and their legs tangled. It's so warm and comfortable that he wants to stay there forever, wants to revel in the feeling of Carter's warm skin against his and the steady rhythm of his chest as he sleeps peacefully.

He looks at Carter's face, eyes tracing over every line of it, and for a moment he lets himself pretend, lets himself pretend that they are a couple, lets himself pretend Carter returns his feelings and that they are simply enjoying another night in each other's arms.

It's everything he wants but he knows it's not true and he has to close his eyes against the sudden terrible longing that fills his chest and stings at his eyes.

He knows he can't have what he wants.

He takes a deep shuddering breath and tries to pack that hurt away, slides a hand down Carter's arm to distract himself from his thoughts with the warm slide of skin. He presses his head into Carter's shoulder, breathing in the scent of him and letting it calm him, trying to find that drowsy peace he'd had when he first woke up.

Carter stirs at the touch, his arms tightening around Lee for a moment and then they loosen, one hand smoothing down his back as he blinks his eyes open and shifts lazily.

"Is this the morning sex part?" he asks groggily and Lee laughs, his dark thoughts flitting away in an instant. He strokes a hand down Carter's side and noses against his cheek.

"You are incorrigible," he murmurs against his lips and then kisses him. Carter hums in satisfaction and kisses back, his body warm and pliant with sleep.

They kiss slowly, languidly, while Carter wakes up properly, his hands starting to wander as he becomes more alert. Lee can feel him getting hard against his hip and he rolls on top of him, presses Carter into the bed and slides their hips together.

It's lazy and relaxed and Lee wishes he could wake up to this every morning. He slides a hand down to grip Carter's thigh, listening to the soft, pleased sounds he is making as they move together.

One of Carter's hands slips down between their bodies, curling around both their cocks and Lee groans low in his throat at the feel of it, warm pleasure swirling through him. He keeps his hips moving, presses into Carter's touch and feels the way he rocks up against him in response, his hand stroking them both as they build slowly to completion.

Lee ducks his head to press an open mouthed kiss to Carter's throat, licks against his pulse point and feels him shiver beneath him.

"Mmm," Carter hums contentedly, one arm wrapping around Lee's back. His legs spread a little wider around Lee and he tips his head back with a breathy gasp, his mouth open as he continues to push up against him, his hand curling slightly tighter around their cocks.

Lee moans quietly, his thrusts speeding up slightly and Carter makes a sound of approval, pulling Lee closer and urging him on. It doesn't take much more and then they are spilling over Carter's hand with quiet cries of pleasure.

Lee collapses at Carter's side, his whole body relaxed and feeling wonderfully sated. He sees Carter wipe his hand absently on the covers and if he were more with it he might have pulled a disgusted face at that but he's warm and comfortable and they have made far worse messes in this bed.

"You should stay over more often," Carter muses, sounding blissed out, and Lee knows he's talking about the morning sex but he can't stop the hopeful little flutter his heart gives at the idea of spending more nights in Carter's arms.

"Maybe I should," he murmurs into the pillow and Carter makes a satisfied sound as if they have just agreed something important.

"Good," he says sleepily and then yawns and burrows into the covers. "I think I'm gonna sleep a bit more."

He shuffles around and finally settles with the covers almost over his head. "Wake me up in a bit for another round," he says, his voice muffled by the duvet, and Lee chuckles.

"Do you ever stop?" he asks disbelievingly.

"Have you seen your ass?" Carter responds drowsily, already starting to fall asleep again. "You should. 's the stuff of dreams, man. Wet dreams." He snickers to himself and Lee can't help the fond smile that forms on his face at getting to see Carter like this, sleepy and relaxed.

"Go to sleep," he says softly, and Carter hums happily in agreement. Lee watches as his expression evens out, his face going slack with sleep. He can't tear his gaze away, even though Carter is mostly hidden beneath the covers, and he keeps his eyes on him until he starts to drift off himself, eyelids drooping heavily as he falls back under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long! I've been quite busy and not particularly motivated. And I just could not get this chapter right! But here it is! And now they're definitely moving away from friends with benefits into something else. The next chapter's going to move them even further down that path and it won't be too long until something gives! I figure there's probably a couple or so chapters left now depending on how I split things up so not long to go! 
> 
> Anyway, thank you to anyone who's still reading! 
> 
> Let me know what you though!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how long this chapter took! I've had some stuff going on lately but here we go and hopefully the next chapter won't take anywhere near as long because I know how I want it to go.

It becomes a common occurrence for Lee to stay over at Carter's, curled up with him in his bed through the night. They still always start out separately, on their own sides of the bed just like that first night, and it's strange to think that he has a specific side of Carter's bed now. But somehow, during the night, they always work their way together and when Lee wakes up in the morning it is with Carter pressed close to him, wrapped up in each other in a way he wishes they could be when awake.

He's eternally grateful that he is always the first to wake though. Not only does it let him enjoy these peaceful moments but, even though Carter has started to touch him more and more recently, he's also not sure how Carter would feel about this unconscious cuddling, and he thinks it's probably for the best that he doesn't find out. He's not sure if it would be a step too far. Cuddling in the aftermath of sex they can explain away as enjoying the afterglow but cuddling while they sleep has nothing to do with sex and he's not sure how Carter would take it.

As always, it's Carter who ends up bridging that gap between them.

~~~

"Ugh, I'm so glad that's over," Carter grumbles tiredly as he lets them into his apartment and Lee makes a sleepy sound in response, focusing more on the herculean task of keeping his feet moving. He's barely conscious enough to stand upright never mind engage in conversation, running on fumes after so many long days and sleepless nights spent frantically tracking down leads.

They'd been unlucky enough to catch a kidnapping case involving a six year old girl and the past five days have been spent desperately trying to crack it before it was too late. Thankfully the girl in question had been found and is safely back with her parents but Lee is now experiencing the repercussions of sleeping only in fitful starts of a few minutes at a time over the past few days.

He stumbles over to the couch and collapses onto it with a sigh of relief, letting his eyes slip shut as he presses his face into the cushions. He knows the bed would probably be more comfortable and now that he knows he is welcome there, there isn't that worry about imposing or revealing too much, but he honestly doesn't think he could have made it even those few extra steps.

He had pushed himself to keep going over the last few days but now that he can finally let himself stop, the tiredness is overwhelming him. His vision has been blurring with exhaustion and his eyelids closing of their own accord since they left the precinct and he doesn't think Carter is any better. A faint part of his mind thinks that he probably should have protested Carter driving in this state but he hadn't really been thinking much of anything at the time other than _sleep_ and _home_ and perhaps he ought to be more worried about the fact that he'd just thought of Carter's apartment as home but that's a subject for another time when he's not about to pass out from exhaustion.

Mumbling at his side announces Carter's presence and then there are hands pushing at him. Lee makes an indignant sound of complaint at that because he just wants to sleep and why won't Carter let him sleep?

"Move over," Carter says softly, hands still nudging at him and Lee frowns in confusion, thoughts sluggish and weary, but he moves anyway, allows Carter's insistent hands to guide him to where he wants him. Then Carter is squeezing onto the couch with him and oh, _oh_ , Lee is very okay with that because if he's being honest the main downside of the couch hadn't been the reduced comfort in comparison to the bed but rather the fact that Carter wouldn't be there. Or so he had thought, because Carter has managed to cram them both into the small space, the lines of their bodies pressed together as he tugs Lee's arm around his waist.

"If you let me fall off, you're not getting laid for a week," Carter tells him drowsily, patting Lee's arm where it holds him in place on the narrow couch, and Lee obligingly tightens his arm.

"Won't let you fall," he manages to promise as he teeters on the edge of sleep and if it sounds more earnest than the situation really requires then neither of them comment on it.

"Think it might be too late for that," Carter mumbles, barely loud enough to be heard and Lee's not sure he even knows he's said it. He wants to ask what Carter means by that but he's already half asleep himself and he can feel himself starting to drift. Maybe he'll ask about it tomorrow.

~~~

He's woken a few hours later by gentle hands on his shoulders, nudging him awake, and he opens his eyes to find the apartment in darkness. It's night then. He makes a low sound of protest at being woken when they should still both be sleeping but Carter's hands are insistent, pulling him upright.

"Bed," Carter says, his voice rough with exhaustion, and Lee lets him clasp his hand and tug him off of the couch, his eyes struggling to stay open as Carter leads him towards the bedroom. His limbs feel heavy with fatigue and they are both stumbling a little, overtired and uncoordinated, as they make their way there.

Carter pulls him to a halt next to the bed and then proceeds to pull his own shirt over his head and toss it away, quickly shucking his jeans too and leaving them in a heap on the floor. It is only then that Lee notices he's still wearing his suit. It's not the most comfortable of things to sleep in but he had just been too tired to care when they had finally made it back to the apartment and removing it would have taken far more energy than he had at the time.

"Oh my god, you're useless when you're tired," Carter grumbles, a note of fondness tucked into his voice, and Lee belatedly realizes that he has been standing there unmoving while Carter undresses. He starts to lift his hands but Carter is already there. "Here, let me," he says, already pushing Lee's jacket from his shoulders and Lee is too tired to argue so he simply lets him.

It's nothing like the other times Carter has undressed him. He's lost count of the amount of times Carter has pulled at his clothes urgently, his movements lust filled and eager, but this has nothing to do with sex. This is just to help him and it feels oddly comforting, the way Carter's hands slide against the skin of his shoulders as he rids him of his shirt, the way the backs of his fingers graze against his stomach as he unfastens his pants.

Normally that would have him warming with anticipation but tonight he can only tip his head forward to rest on Carter's shoulder, struggling to stay awake even as Carter undresses him.

"You're not helping," Carter huffs, fumbling to push Lee's pants down while still supporting his head on his shoulder, but once he has succeeded, he rubs a soothing hand against the back of his neck and then pulls him a couple of steps over to the bed.

"In," he says tiredly, sounding like he's struggling with consciousness himself, and Lee lets himself be guided under the covers, finds his eyes falling shut even as Carter's hands pull away. He's dimly aware of Carter moving around the bed, hears him muffle a yawn as he does so, and then the mattress dips as he crawls in on his side.

Lee expects him to settle there, like he usually does, but Carter keeps moving, shifting across the bed to press firmly against him, winding his arms around Lee and tucking his face into his neck. He flings a leg across one of Lee's, taking over Lee's space without even a trace of hesitation as if they do this all the time, and then goes still, breath ghosting slowly against his skin as he relaxes against him.

It's new and unexpected doing this when they are both awake and when there is nothing even remotely sexual involved because even though they have been sharing a bed on a regular basis over the last few weeks, they have always kept to their own sides while awake, only moving closer in their sleep until Lee finds himself waking tangled up in Carter.

Although really the 'both awake' part of that is debatable because he's pretty sure Carter is already dozing against him and he's probably about to pass out himself. It's the kind of thing he would usually stay awake thinking about, picking apart Carter's possible motives and wondering what it means but in his exhausted state Lee doesn't have the energy to over analyse it.

Instead he just curls an arm around Carter's waist and tips his head to rest against his, shivering faintly in delight when Carter makes a muffled sound against his neck and presses slightly closer. It's almost enough to make him want to cling to wakefulness just to enjoy the moment but his thoughts are too sluggish to even really process that desire and it is only seconds before he is following Carter into sleep, thoroughly exhausted but more than a little content.

When he wakes in the morning he feels sure there was something he'd meant to ask Carter. But he can't for the life of him remember what it was.

~~~

Things change after that, although really it's not that much of a change. Carter had already started to touch him more in day to day life but now there isn't even a pretense of not cuddling when they go to bed. Having curled into Lee's arms so readily on that night of shared exhaustion Carter seems to have decided that it's the new normal for them, and now he does it every time they settle in to sleep, getting as close as he can and thoroughly invading his space, the same way he invades every part of Lee's life.

And Lee welcomes him with open arms, both figuratively and literally. It's like a barrier has been removed between them and Lee is finally allowed to indulge in something that he's only had in stolen snatches until now, finally allowed to enjoy the feeling of having Carter in his arms without wondering when he's going to push him away.

Once, he even wakes during the night to find Carter propped up on an elbow, watching him with eyes that seem remarkably soft in the darkness. He makes a quiet, questioning noise, still half asleep and wondering what Carter is doing but Carter just shushes him soothingly.

"Go back to sleep," he murmurs, brushing his fingertips against Lee's cheek and Lee doesn't have the alertness to stop himself leaning into that gentle touch but Carter doesn't seem to mind, even flattens his palm against his cheek when he turns his face towards it.

"Go back to sleep," he whispers again, pressing his lips to Lee's forehead and Lee hums happily in response, his eyes already slipping shut.

He doesn't remember any more after that and he's not sure why the memory sticks with him, filling him with a serene warmth whenever he thinks about it, but it does. There had been something about it, something hushed and intimate, and he cherishes it without fully understanding why.

He cherishes too the moments spent tangled up in each other at night and he lets himself fall into them. It's almost alarming how much he misses waking up in Carter's arms when they don't spend the night together, how he absentmindedly reaches out for him upon waking only to find that he is in his own bed. Alone. It always takes him a long, slow moment to come to that realization, the feeling of Carter beside him so ingrained in his unconscious mind that it always knocks him sideways a little to discover that he is absent.

It also takes him a little while to notice that those morning are decreasing in frequency. In fact, he doesn't realize how those mornings are being outnumbered by those spent waking in Carter's arms until he turns around one Sunday morning and realizes he hasn't slept in his own bed since Thursday.

He stills for a moment, standing in Carter's kitchen in the midst of cooking breakfast, and wonders how he is ever supposed to survive this ending because their lives are starting to become so thoroughly enmeshed that when Carter puts a stop to what they are doing it is bound to wreak havoc in every area of Lee's existence.

The sound of quiet footsteps behind him stops that train of thought before it can get too far though. A pair of arms snake around his waist and a warm body presses against his back as Lee absently stirs the contents of the pot in front of him.

"That smells good," Carter murmurs from behind him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. "This why you weren't there when I woke up earlier?"

He hooks his chin over Lee's shoulder as Lee makes a sound in the affirmative but when he speaks again his tone is bemused. "Where'd you get all this stuff anyway?" he asks, one of his hands leaving Lee's chest just long enough to gesture at the ingredients. "I swear I didn't have all this yesterday."

"I went to the store," Lee tells him as Carter's hand resettles itself against his ribs and he can't help the glow of warmth that flickers in his chest at being held like this.

"Man, what time did you get up?" Carter sounds incredulous. "It's a Sunday. Ain't no one supposed to be getting up at crazy o' clock on a Sunday. Especially when you got someone as sexy as me in bed with you." He nudges his nose against the side of Lee's neck. "Coulda had you some morning sex, you know?"

"It was not that early," Lee answers, focusing on the first part of what he had said because if he focuses on the latter, he might be tempted to abandon his cooking in favor of leading Carter back to the bedroom to take advantage of that offer. "You just waste most of the day sleeping."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with sleeping in, man. Most people actually enjoy it. We're not all Robocop." Carter prods a finger at his chest. "So is the food almost ready?"

"Almost," Lee says, lifting the wooden spoon from the pot he was stirring and holding it up to Carter's lips so that he can taste some of the sauce.

Carter hums in satisfaction. "That's good. I might even forgive you for depriving me of morning sex. Although..." his voice drops seductively and one of his hands trails down Lee's chest to toy with the waistband of his pants, "it is still morning."

Lee huffs out a laugh at that. "I am cooking, Carter," he says, aiming for stern but he's not sure it quite comes out like that.

"And?" Carter asks, turning his head to press an open mouthed kiss to the side of Lee's neck, slow and sensual and thoroughly distracting.

"And you are distracting me."

"I am?" Carter says, tone all innocence as he scrapes his teeth against Lee's neck and slips his fingers under the edge of his waistband.

For a moment all Lee can do is lean into the touch, his head tipping back automatically to give Carter better access, but then he comes back to himself, remembering the food he is supposed to be preparing, and pulls Carter's hand away from his pants with a pained "Carter!"

Carter heaves a dramatically put upon sigh but he does stop his attentions. "Fine, I'll let you get back to your cooking," he says but the chaste kiss he presses to Lee's cheek says he doesn't really mind. "I'll just be over here," he continues and Lee turns his head to see him hoisting himself up onto the empty counter, sees him grin as he adds, "checking out your ass."

He gives Lee a very visible once over, his eyes lingering pointedly on his ass, and Lee rolls his eyes.

"I will need that counter in a few minutes," he tells him but Carter just leans back slightly and looks pleased with himself.

"Really?" he asks, a challenge in his voice and Lee rolls his eyes again, decides to deal with that problem when he actually needs the counter. They lapse into silence for the next few minutes and whenever Lee glances over at Carter he finds him watching him with something that might be fondness. But each time Carter catches him looking, he drops his eyes to Lee's ass and grins broadly.

"Stop that," Lee tells him, trying to hide a smile but it's possible Carter sees it anyway because that fond look is back.

"Stop what? I'm not doing anything, man."

Lee sighs but it's with exasperated affection. He stirs the sauce again and glances over everything else. It's almost ready. "I need that counter now."

"Uh huh," Carter says absently, still watching him, and Lee walks over to stand in front of him.

"Carter," he says, nudging at his knee, and Carter immediately pulls him closer so that he is stood between his legs, his hands automatically coming to rest on his thighs.

"Hmm?"

"I need the counter," he repeats but it comes out fainter than intended because Carter is suddenly so close and now he's leaning in, their mouths close together as he slides his arms comfortably around Lee's neck. There's a long, slow moment of anticipation as they breath the same air, their lips almost touching, and then Carter is kissing him.

It doesn't last long but even so it makes Lee's heart flutter in his chest and when they pull apart it takes him a couple of seconds to manage to open his eyes.

"You are distracting me again," he murmurs against Carter's mouth because he's still so close and he feels the way his lips curve into a pleased smile.

"Good," Carter says, his voice just as quiet, and he kisses him again then, slow and deep. It's gentle and relaxed, with none of their usual heated fervor behind it. It's not a build up to sex and Lee can't help melting into it, shivering as Carter cups his jaw and changes the angle slightly. What are we doing, he wants to ask because this doesn't feel like friends with benefits any more but he's scared that if he voices that question Carter will stop.

He's not sure how long they stay like that, kissing slowly and leisurely, but at no point does Carter try to turn it into something more heated, doesn't even try to slide his hands lower than Lee's waist, and when they finally pull apart he feels dazed with it.

Carter's eyes are soft when they meet his and his hand is still on Lee's cheek. It feels like a dream, like the ridiculous daydreams that he sometimes lets himself indulge in where he imagines that Carter looks at him just like that and where he loves him back. _I love you_ , he thinks and his lips are already forming the words before he can stop himself, caught up in the look in Carter's eyes and the feel of his hand.

"I-" He is cut off by a sharp spitting sound and his head jerks around to see the pot on the stove, the words dying on his tongue. And just like that the real world comes rushing in and he is pulled out of his kiss drunk haze.

He pulls away quickly, Carter's hand trailing over his shoulder as he goes, lingering before falling away. Once the pot is off of the heat he lets himself look back at Carter, finds him still sitting happily on the counter, his legs swinging slightly, with no idea what Lee had almost revealed.

"You what?" Carter asks and Lee has to bite back the three words that still threaten to spill out of his mouth.

"I-" He clears his throat, forces himself back to composure and shoots a reproachful look at the way Carter is sat on the counter. "I need that counter," he tells him and if he thinks Carter looks slightly disappointed then that must be Lee's imagination because in the next moment he is grinning brightly.

"Then come and get it," he challenges and Lee pulls an exasperated face at him, falling back into this easy push and pull in the space of a heartbeat.

"Carter," he says disapprovingly and Carter laughs, reaching out one foot to nudge at Lee's hip. His eyes are bright and teasing, and Lee's never been one to back down from him so he takes the few steps over to him in a rush that earns a startled squawk from Carter and slides his arms around his waist, hauls him forwards to the edge of the counter and then lifts him off of it.

He turns with the intention of setting him down on his feet but Carter is laughing in delight now and wrapping his legs firmly around his waist to stop him from doing it.

"Let go," Lee says but he's laughing too now. He can't help himself, because Carter is ridiculous and his laughter is contagious and he should be able to make him let go, he should. He knows a dozen ways he could but he doesn't want to hurt him and so he just pushes ineffectually at one of his thighs and laughs as Carter's arms tighten around his shoulders.

"I've got you now," Carter beams, clinging to him with all his limbs. "Badass ninja and you can't even get rid of me."

"You won't get any breakfast," Lee threatens, privately thinking that he never, ever in his life wants to get rid of Carter. "If you do not let me go, it'll go cold again."

"I can think of a different kind of breakfast I'd like," Carter says, smirking suggestively and Lee laughs.

"You are ridiculous," he tells him, spinning around to see if the movement will dislodge him at all.

"Says the ninja currently being defeated by a hug," Carter grins, not at all deterred and Lee stops his spinning.

"Ninja is Japanese," he tells him, but he's still smiling.

"Not the point, Lee. Point is, I've totally found your weakness and I'm not letting go."

He beams triumphantly and Lee decides that if he's going to use Lee's weaknesses then he's going to exploit Carter's in return.

He kisses him.

"Mmm, knew you'd get with the program," Carter mumbles into the kiss. "I have that effect on people."

Lee snorts in amusement. "You are infuriating," he says, fond and oh so affectionate.

"Yeah, I have that effect on people too," Carter admits and Lee kisses him again, licking into his mouth when his lips part. He lets himself enjoy it for a moment, for longer than he probably intended, but then he slides his tongue against the roof of Carter's mouth in the way he knows he likes so much. The reaction is immediate. Carter shivers against him and Lee repeats the action again and again until Carter makes a low sound in the back of his throat and the grip of his legs weaken.

He does it once more just to hear that sound again and then pushes at Carter's leg, unwrapping it easily from his waist. Carter seems to realize what he's doing halfway through and he tries to keep his grip with the other leg but he's already lost the purchase he had and Lee is able to set him down on his feet. He steps back and watches with satisfaction as Carter sways unsteadily for a moment, looking dazed and visibly trying to collect himself.

"That's cheating," he accuses breathlessly after a long moment and Lee smiles at him smugly before turning back to the food.

"I'll make it up to you after breakfast."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that got really domestic and fluffy! These two just really need to admit to each other how head over heels they are! And as you can imagine with them being this close, it's almost time for it all to come to a head and the next chapter should be the last one so we're almost there.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the final chapter! And it didn't take as long to post as the past few!
> 
> Hopefully you all like it, it's been a while coming. This is by far the longest fic I've ever written and wow I have so much respect for people who write really long things! It was hard work getting this one finished and it's nowhere near as long as some fics that I see around!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos on this. It means so much to me and seriously the moment I see that I've got a new comment I start grinning and that's before I've even read it! It really makes my day. Thank you to anyone who's still reading for sticking this out and making it to the end.
> 
> I hope you like it!

It's a lazy Sunday morning and they are in Carter's bed, sunlight streaming through a gap in the curtains and turning the air warm and golden. Lee is on his back, his legs spread wide, and Carter is sprawled beside him, his fingers buried in Lee's ass as he takes him apart with slow, teasing strokes. He's making it last, dragging out Lee's pleasure until he is writhing with it, begging breathlessly for more.

"Please," he begs helplessly. "Please, Carter."

He doesn't know how long he's been like this but if feels like forever, feels like he has been teetering on the edge for millennia, gasping and writhing while Carter keeps him there, just out of reach of what he wants.

It's blissful and amazing and he never wants it to end, even while he pleads desperately for just that little bit more that will send him crashing over. He's almost out of his mind with pleasure, completely lost to the heat coiling through him and the slow, languorous stroke of Carter's fingers inside him.

He feels like this is the only thing in existence, this burning, blazing heat that sears every single one of his thoughts away, leaving him mindless and focussed only on getting more.

"Please," he begs again, pressing down onto Carter's fingers, his hips twitching frantically without any thought from him. He wants this so badly, needs more with every fibre of his being, needs Carter so much that this need is all he can process.

Carter's mouth finds his, kissing him slowly, just as leisurely as the movement of his fingers inside him, and Lee is barely coherent enough to kiss him back. Carter's lips are warm on his as he presses dawdling kisses to his mouth, his tongue sneaking out to lick at his lips and Lee can't do much more than gasp and make needy sounds into it.

The fingers inside him continue their slow stroking, just shy of giving him what he wants, and he tips his head back with a shiver, breathless and gasping for air. He feels hot all over, dizzy with pleasure, and one hand twists in the bed sheets, the other clutching desperately at Carter's shoulder.

"Carter," he whines, twisting his hips in a search for more but Carter's fingers keep up their infuriatingly deliberate rhythm. It's overwhelming, being kept right on the brink for so long, and he writhes mindlessly under his ministrations.

Warm lips press against his shoulder, sliding gently over his skin and then pressing harder in a series of open mouthed kisses that work their way across his shoulder and up his neck, paying particular attention when they reach his pulse, a hot tongue pressing against the thrumming beat of it. He pants for breath as Carter mouths at sensitive skin, shifting restlessly on the twisted sheets.

"Carter," he pleads again, mindless with need. He's so incredibly close but he needs more and finally Carter gives in to his pleas.

His fingers curl inside him, rubbing against his prostate and pressing harder, dragging inside him at a faster pace as he at long last lets him come, and Lee shouts with pleasure as his orgasm crashes over him, drags him under and leaves him reeling dizzily.

He's dimly aware that he is moaning weakly, swept up in blissful release and he's so completely lost to it that he can't stop the words that come tumbling from his mouth, the words that have been forming on his lips even more than usual over the past couple of weeks.

"I love you," he gasps desperately as his body shakes with pleasure, hands clutching at Carter as if he is the only thing holding him steady. "Carter. I love you. I love you."

It seems to last an age and then he lays panting for breath as he comes down from the peak of such intense pleasure, mind swimming and thoughts in complete disarray, his whole body feeling warm and blissfully relaxed in the afterglow as Carter slides his fingers out of him.

It's only when he starts to pull himself back together, long minutes later, that what he's said sinks in and he jerks upright with a gasp.

"I'm sorry!" he says breathlessly, panic rising in his chest and the lethargic feeling in his limbs evaporating. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry!"

He scrambles out of the bed, unable to look at Carter, not wanting to see whatever expression is there. He had wondered more than once over the past few weeks if something else has been building between them, but with the words actually spoken he suddenly feels stupid for even thinking it, certain that it hadn't been the case, certain that he'd just been projecting his own feelings and stupidly wishing them to be real. 

Carter had made it very clear from the start that this could only be about sex but he had lost sight of that, allowed himself to start getting lost in teasing jokes and warm touches and gentle kisses that didn't lead anywhere. He's gripped with sudden panic as he realises his own foolishness. He knows he's ruined everything and he can't bear to see the look on Carter's face.

He is dimly aware that Carter is saying something but he can't understand the words over the pounding of his heart in his ears.

"I'm sorry," he gasps again. "I know you don't feel that way. I'm sorry."

He looks around for his clothes, the room blurring behind the tears that sting at his eyes. A warm hand touches his arm but he still can't look at Carter, can't see that this is all over because of him and his stupid mouth.

"Lee, look at me," Carter is saying and Lee can't bear how gentle his voice is. He tries to shake his hand off but Carter holds firm, pulling at his arm in an attempt to make him turn around.

"Lee, please," Carter pleads, trying to get around in front of him and Lee turns away quickly.

"I'm sorry," he gasps again, feeling utterly wretched. He has ruined everything.

"Just stop for a moment," Carter says, his other hand joining the first as he pulls at Lee.

"I should go," Lee says miserably. He pushes at Carter's hands until they fall away from his skin. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."

"I need you to look at me. Lee, please!" Carter begs. He sounds upset and Lee hates that he's hurt him too, hates that he must have ruined their friendship for both of them. He steps away from him but then Carter is crying out desperately, "I love you too!"

Lee freezes where he is and Carter takes the opportunity to dart around him and look up into his eyes.

"Baby, I love you too," he says softly, unshed tears in his eyes as he raises a gentle hand to rest against Lee's cheek.

It's too much and Lee finds himself backing away before he even knows what he's doing.

"I..." he tries, his voice coming out as a croak. "I don't understand."

"What's to understand?" Carter asks, his hand dropping to his side and his expression unable to hide the hurt that flickers through it as Lee moves away from him. "I love you, Lee."

"But you..." Lee says, feeling lost. He has been so convinced for such a long time that Carter will never love him back, that he will never have him the way he so desperately wants, and he can't reconcile those certainties with what Carter is saying now. He might have thought he was seeing signs of it in recent times but even those moments seem pale in comparison to all the evidence that points to the opposite, all the things that clamour in his head shouting that this can't be true.

"I don't understand," he says again and Carter's eyes turn unbearably sad.

"You really don't do you?" he murmurs and then he is stepping forward to rest a tentative hand on Lee's arm. "Come and sit down." His voice is soothing, gentle, and Lee finds himself doing what he says. 

He sits down on the edge of the bed and Carter perches next to him, his hand still a reassuring touch on Lee's arm.

"I really do mean it," Carter says quietly, his eyes earnest but Lee still can't quite believe him. He is flooded with doubts, sure that Carter doesn't feel that way for him.

"If this is..." he starts, a tremble in his voice. "If this is because you don't want to lose our friendship then... then you don't have to do this."

He blinks back tears. "It's okay. It is. We can still be friends. You don't have to love me back. I've known for a long time..."

He sniffs dejectedly, looking down at his hands and finding them shaking.

"That's not what this is, baby," Carter says, his hand stroking gently down Lee's arm. "I'm not saying it to stop you leaving or whatever it is you're thinking in that big brain of yours."

He reaches out to take Lee's trembling hands in his own, clasping them tightly. "I love you and I don't know how to convince you it's true but it is."

He pulls Lee's hands up to his mouth and presses a kiss to his fingers, his eyes pleading. "Please believe me. I would never lie about this."

Lee doesn't know what to believe anymore. He had been so certain but here Carter is telling him he's wrong with such sincerity in his eyes. He knows too that Carter is a good person, knows that despite all the little white lies he has told him since they started working together that he wouldn't lie about something as important as this.

Still he's finding it hard to fully accept Carter's words. He feels like there must be a catch somewhere, some reason for this to not be what he so desperately wants it to be.

"You said it could only be sex."

"I say a lot of things," Carter says wryly. "You of all people should know I'm not always right. I might have meant it back then when we first started having sex but... things changed."

"You said it to Gerald too. Not long ago," Lee mumbles, eyes on their joined hands. He doesn't know why he's arguing against this, knows only that he needs something to convince him this is real.

"I did?"

"When I overheard the two of you talking," Lee clarifies quietly. "And you said you liked the thing I do with my tongue."

He sees Carter turn his head out of the corner of his eye, feels his eyes on him, but he can't meet his gaze, can only keep staring at their hands.

"You said you didn't hear much," Carter says and Lee winces.

"I lied," he admits, although it seems like such a trivial matter in comparison to the discussion they are currently having.

"But...why?" Carter asks, sounding confused. "Why not just say you heard?"

"You seemed like you didn't want me to have heard," Lee says, remembering the worried way Carter had looked at him. "I didn't understand why. But I didn't want you to be upset so I... I lied."

Carter sighs, his hand gripping Lee's slightly tighter. "I didn't want you to have heard it because I was worried what you would think about Gerald saying I had it bad for you."

"But you told him you didn't," Lee says, frowning in bemusement, and Carter huffs.

"I lied too," he says and Lee manages to drag his eyes up to meet his. There's a moment where they both look at each other, something intense in Carter's eyes and then he is continuing. "Gerald's known me a long time. He knew I was falling for you and I knew it too. I'd known it for a while but I didn't want to admit it because I didn't think you'd ever feel the same way. I was worried about you overhearing what he said because I was scared you might realise that I was falling in love with you and I couldn't bear losing you."

It's a thought so similar to the ones that have been plaguing Lee ever since this started that it knocks him breathless. He can't believe that Carter has been having exactly the same worries as he has.

"You must have noticed that things were changing though, right?" Carter asks, his voice tipping up in question. "I mean, once I realised I was starting to fall in love with you I couldn't stop myself from acting differently around you."

Lee thinks back to the way Carter had started to touch him more frequently when they weren't having sex, to the way he had started pressing closer in the aftermath and to the affectionate look that had started appearing in his eyes on occasion.

"I wasn't sure if it meant anything," he admits. "I wanted it to but I couldn't be sure you weren't just more comfortable around me than you had been."

"More comfortable?" Carter asks, sounding slightly incredulous, and Lee has to admit that with what he knows now, it does sound a bit ridiculous. But at the time he had been blinded by his own doubts and insecurities, still is if he's being completely honest because he still can't grasp that Carter has feelings for him, even as they discuss this.

"We're practically living together," Carter adds. "My closet is half full of your clothes."

"You said it made sense," Lee murmurs with a frown because that's exactly what Carter had said when he'd suggested that Lee bring over some of his clothes so that he had something there when he stayed over. He hadn't realised there was anything else to it other than practicality but if he turns his head he can see the open doors revealing a row of suits nestled next to Carter's clothes, can see how a few items of clothing have progressed to him taking over half of Carter's closet.

When he turns back Carter is giving him a knowing look before making his next point. "And you spend more time cooking in my kitchen than I do."

"That is not hard," Lee says before he can stop himself and Carter huffs.

"Hey! I cook plenty, okay? It's just you're better at it and I mean, I'm not exactly gonna say no if you're offering." He hesitates, fidgeting slightly. "You know... the other day when you were making breakfast and I was screwing around, I really thought you were about to tell me you loved me."

"I almost did," Lee admits, thinking back to that moment, to the way Carter had kissed him like it meant something and he had almost blurted out his feelings.

Carter's eyes go soft and his mouth tips up into a gentle smile. "I would have been happy if you had."

Lee watches him for a moment, taking in the affection in his eyes and the way he is still holding his hand. It's starting to sink in that maybe this is real, that maybe Carter does actually have these feelings for him and he doesn't have to pine after him anymore.

"When did you realise?" he asks suddenly. "That you felt that way?"

"It was after you started staying over in my bed instead of on the couch," Carter tells him, brushing a thumb gently across his hand. It's the kind of affectionate gesture he has started making over the past few weeks but this time it almost takes Lee's breath away because it holds so much more meaning now that he knows about Carter's feelings. 

"I already knew I was falling for you," Carter continues. "And that first night, when I asked you to stay... I just didn't want you to go. I wanted you with me. Waking up to you the next morning was... well, it was pretty damn amazing and I knew then that I was already in too deep. But I didn't want to stop. I kept asking you to stay and you did."

"I did not want to leave you either," Lee says quietly and Carter's expression turns fond.

"Y'know, it was one of those nights that I realised I was in love with you."

"It was?" Lee asks, caught up in Carter's words and starting to believe that maybe, maybe, this is actually real and that he can finally have what he's wanted for such a long time now.

"Yeah. I woke up in the middle of the night. It was dark and quiet and you were wrapped around me. I was so happy and comfortable; I wanted to stay like that forever. And in that moment, I just knew. You were everything to me and I was so in love with you that I didn't know how I hadn't seen it sooner."

Carter smiles softly and Lee can barely believe that smile is because of him.

"I realised you're everything I'd ever wanted," Carter continues. "You're brave, clever, stunningly attractive," he winks at Lee, looking him up and down suggestively, and Lee flushes at the realisation that they are both still completely naked.

Carter's expression softens, his head tipping to the side slightly as he meets Lee's gaze again. "And you're loyal and kind, so kind when you stop hiding behind this robocop facade you've got going on. You're a great brother to Kim and you're the best friend I've ever had. You make me happy just by being in the room and you know when to stop me from going through with my more stupid plans. You can be really funny sometimes even though I'm not sure you mean to be and you're a complete badass when it comes to fighting."

Lee can only stare, caught up in it all, because Carter is saying these things about him and it's everything he's ever wanted, everything he's ever dreamed of but thought he couldn't have. And Carter is still going, still talking, and Lee feels awed by it all. He never thought he could inspire these kinds of feelings in anyone else and for Carter to be the one saying it sends undiluted happiness rushing through him.

"You get this cute, little, confused expression on your face when you don't understand a phrase," Carter continues. "And it has me wanting to Google weird phrases to use just so I can see it again. You never give up, even when it looks like there's no answer, and you stop me from giving up too. You make me want to be the best I can be because maybe then I might be deserving of having you in my life."

There is such love in Carter's eyes that it knocks Lee breathless, such tender adoration that for a moment he is sure he must be dreaming but then Carter continues and he doesn't wake up. "You have the most amazing smile. Seriously, sometimes you smile and, I swear to God, I stop thinking. I want to make you smile as much as I can, even if I never think another coherent thought in my life, because I just want you to be happy and I love you. I love you, Jonathan Lee, so much that I don't know what to do with myself sometimes because I never knew it was possible to feel like this."

He stops to take a breath, looking like he might be about to start talking again but Lee can't hold himself back any longer. He surges forward to kiss him, joy coursing through his veins and lodging in his heart with a glowing warmth that has him feeling almost giddy with it.

He kisses him hard, until neither of them can breathe and they pull apart panting. Carter's hand is in his hair and his own are on the bare skin of Carter's shoulders, holding him close and not wanting to let go. Carter looks stunned from the sudden kiss, the fierceness behind it, his lips kiss swollen and shining.

"You love me," Lee breathes in wonder when he has enough air to manage words and Carter nods emphatically, his eyes still a little dazed.

"I love you," he agrees, his mouth curling into a bright smile that makes Lee's heart thud in his chest.

"I love you too," he says, his voice tight with emotion, and then they are kissing again, pressing as close as they can and tumbling backwards onto the bed as they clutch at each other eagerly.

It's wonderful and joyful, knowing that Carter loves him too, that this means something to both of them. Lee feels like he's walking on air, full of an overwhelming happiness that he can barely contain.

"I love you," he says breathlessly when Carter pulls his mouth away and rolls on top of him, his skin warm and his smile even warmer.

"I love you too," Carter tells him, pressing the words into the skin of his shoulder and kissing at his neck. His hands stroke down Lee's chest, fingertips gentle against his skin, and Lee wraps his arms around him, wants to hold him there forever.

Carter settles between his legs and grinds his hips down, their rapidly hardening cocks sliding together. It has Lee crying out, grasping at Carter to pull him closer and slot their mouths together again.

It starts out fast and urgent but then Carter slows it down deliberately, kissing him slower and with a tenderness that sets Lee's heart racing.

"I love you, baby," Carter says when they part, sliding his hips languidly against Lee's. "Gonna show you how much."

He keeps his movements slow, loving and gentle, and Lee can only tip his head back and gasp for breath, his hands sliding restlessly down Carter's back.

"I love you," he gasps as Carter rocks against him. He's been holding the words in for so long and now he can't stop saying them. "I love you."

"I know, baby," Carter says, a beautiful smile on his lips, and Lee can't get enough of the repeated endearment. "I love you too. So much."

He slides a hand down between them, slipping between Lee's legs and pressing at his entrance. He is still slick from earlier but Carter reaches for the lube anyway and then presses a slippery finger into him, easing inside and moving slowly.

He works him open gradually, aided by the fact that Lee is still loose from their previous round, and soon he has three fingers inside him, moving slowly and gently as Lee gasps beneath him.

"Carter," Lee breathes, pressing down onto his fingers in a search for more, and Carter ducks his head to shower kisses across his chest, his neck, his face.

"Love you," he murmurs with each one, pressing the words into Lee's skin, and Lee whines, completely overwhelmed by it all.

"Carter," he manages to say again, warm pleasure building in him with each slow press of Carter's fingers inside him. "Need you in me. Want you so much."

Carter kisses him then, their lips sliding together slowly. He pumps his fingers a few more times but then he is pulling them out, sitting back and reaching for the lube again to slick himself up.

Lee waits impatiently. His skin feels hot all over and he wants this so badly, wants to do this with the knowledge that the love he feels lodged immovably in his heart is returned.

Carter strokes a gentle hand down his side, leans over him and dips his head to kiss him lovingly. Then there is blunt pressure at his entrance and Carter is sliding inside, rocking his hips as he edges carefully into him. It has Lee gasping for breath again, feeling wonderfully full, and he wraps his legs around Carter's waist, hands grasping at his shoulders.

Carter stills above him, letting him adjust and watching him with a soft look in his eyes. He reaches up a hand to stroke through Lee's hair, the action sweet and affectionate.

"I love you," he says softly, and Lee has to try to breathe for a moment before he can respond.

"I love you," he answers, his voice hushed as if he might break this incredibly intimate moment they have built between them, and Carter smiles gently, his hand stroking through Lee's hair again.

"Gonna make you feel so good, baby," he says and then he is moving his hips, thrusting into him slow and deep in a way that has them both moaning quietly.

He keeps his rhythm slow, making it all about the love they feel for each other and Lee's chest feels tight with emotion. 

"I love you," he whispers as Carter rocks against him. He doesn't think he'll ever tire of saying those words out loud and when Carter repeats them back to him he doesn't think he'll ever tire of hearing them either.

He presses down into Carter's languid thrusts, feeling the slow drag of his cock inside him and making small sounds of pleasure with each movement. He can feel Carter's love in every leisurely roll of his hips, every tender press of his hands, and when he looks up at him, he can see it written all over his face.

It has him spiralling towards the edge already, dizzy with the amount of love being poured into this and the amount of love that rushes through him in return. He tries to write it into Carter's skin with his hands, tries to press it into his lips with his tongue, tries to show him with every shivering movement that he loves him so much he burns with it.

Carter seems to get the message if the joyful look in his eyes is anything to go by and Lee pulls him down to kiss him again, breathing the words into his mouth just to be sure.

They seem to stay like that for an eternity, rocking against each other slowly and whispering their love into each other's skin, and Lee feels like he's glowing with happiness. It still feels like it's all too soon when he senses the approach of his orgasm, pleasant heat tightening inside him as Carter moves against him.

He tips his head back, his mouth falling open on a wordless cry as he presses down harder, his whole body burning with heat as he seeks just that tiny bit more to send him over. Carter's mouth presses against his throat, hot and wet as he licks at his skin. His hips thrust just a little bit harder and that's all it takes.

Lee cries out as pleasure washes over him and he feels Carter tense above him, saying his name in a broken voice as he reaches his own orgasm.

Carter collapses on top of him and they lay together panting for breath, still murmuring 'I love you' into the air between them. It's only when Lee manages to pull his scattered thoughts back together that he realises he is trembling in Carter's arms, his whole body shaking with emotion.

"Hey, are you okay?" Carter asks quietly, one hand stroking reassuringly down Lee's arm, and Lee nods quickly.

"I am okay. I just..." he takes a trembling breath and tries to force himself into staying still. "I love you."

"I love you too," Carter tells him fondly, pressing their lips together for a slow, chaste kiss. He lifts himself up on his arms, taking his weight off of Lee and then pulls out of him slowly. Lee can't help the low whine he lets out at the feeling and his hands reach for Carter automatically, pulling him back down.

Carter settles easily at his side, curling his arms around him and pressing close, and Lee holds him in return, tangling their legs together and pressing his face into Carter's shoulder. He tries to get his trembling body under control and Carter strokes his hair soothingly, holding him while the last of his shivers abate.

He is so warm and comforting and Lee would stay there forever if he could. He lets his hands slide lightly over Carter's body, touching every inch of skin he can reach in a way he had always had to stop himself doing until now. It's wonderfully freeing, knowing that Carter loves him too. It means he can finally give in and do all the little affectionate things he had longed to do.

It means that when Carter turns his head and presses a kiss to his shoulder, he can let himself sigh and lean into the touch happily. Carter kisses his shoulder again and Lee can feel the curve of his smile at his reaction.

His fingers find Carter's chin and he tips his head up to slide their lips together, to feel that smile against his own.

"I love you," he sighs happily when they part and Carter smiles widely at him, resting his head on the pillow so close that their noses are brushing.

"I love you too," he says, one of his hands coming to rest on Lee's waist, fingers tracing idle patterns on his skin. "I'm sorry that you didn't know that sooner."

He looks regretful but Lee shakes his head, reaches up a hand to cup his cheek.

"I know it now," he tells him. "That is all that matters."

"I'm gonna make sure I tell you every day," Carter promises, tipping his head into the touch. He grins. "Fair warning, I don't think I'm gonna be able to stop myself saying it now that I know I'm allowed to. You're gonna get real sick of it."

"I would never get sick of it," Lee tells him certainly.

"Good 'cause I love you," Carter says. He turns his head to press a kiss to Lee's palm. "And you're gonna be hearing that a lot."

Lee's heart flutters at the thought, warm happiness spreading through him and curling his mouth up into a pleased smile. "I love you too."

He presses further into Carter's arms, blissfully happy in that moment and content to stay right there with the man he loves, trading slow kisses and gentle touches that make his heart sing with joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I hope you liked how the reveal of their feelings went down. After all that angsting and being certain that Carter didn't feel the same way, I didn't think Lee would be able to just accept that he loved him too. He needed a bit of convincing, the poor thing. And I know it got a bit sappy there at the end but I think Lee needed the comfort and reassurance that Carter loved him too. And, let's be honest, I love a bit of sappy romance. 
> 
> Again, thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos. You really kept me going and I'm so grateful. It's definitely been fun writing this, even if it was a struggle at times, but we made it!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought!


End file.
